New and a bit lost, 19 and caring for my boyfriend

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Hey everyone

My boyfriend has been diagnosed with acute leukemia after a really scary incident that led to me having to phone 999. He’s only 21 and otherwise healthy, and whilst we knew he was poorly (had gone to the gp for a “chest infection” and a&e for vision problems), we had no idea that it was cancer. 
Looking back now, it seems so obvious - he had unexplained bruising for example. We both knew this was a cancer symptom, but he has a tendency to be a bit of a hypochondriac, so we brushed it off as something else. I feel so guilty for not realising how sick he was and for not pushing for more medical treatment. 

It’s only been 2 days since we went into emergency treatment, and a day since he was transferred to a cancer ward, but it feels like it’s been weeks and weeks. His prospects so far are really positive, but it’s so difficult to see him so poorly and hurting. I never expected myself to be in this situation so young, and it’s posing so many questions about the future. I’m meant to go to university in Nottingham come September (we currently live in London) , but I can’t bear the thought of him being stuck here. 
I have a good support system but I don’t know what to do with myself. I just want to be able to help him and it’s out of my control. I feel guilty for sleeping and eating when he struggles to. 

I’m just really lost and everything feels so surreal. 

  • Hi  and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.

    I’m Anne, one of the Community Champions here on the Online Community, and although I was the one with cancer I know how a cancer diagnosis affects everyone.

    The online community is divided into different support groups so I'm going to recommend that you join the family and friends group where you can talk to others who are supporting someone with cancer.

    You've said that your boyfriend has 'acute leukemia' so I'm going to give you the links to the acute lymphoblastic leukaemia and the acute myeloid leukaemia groups and you can join whichever is the right one. The benefit of joining one of these cancer type groups is that you'll then connect directly with others who have the same type of cancer as your boyfriend.

    To join, just click on the link I've created and, once you've joined, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.

    It would be great if you could put something about your boyfriend's diagnosis and proposed treatment into your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.

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     "Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"

  • Thank you so much this is all really helpful information 

    we’re just waiting to find out which type of acute leukemia it is, hopefully today or tomorrow, and I will update with more info on my profile as we find more out.

    thank you again it really means a lot

  • You're welcome and if you need any information or help to find your way around the community just let me know.

    ((hugs))

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     "Never regret a day in your life, good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience"

  • Hey, I don't know how this thing works. I only just joined 5 minutes ago. I can't tell if you have had other replies or not? My heart really breaks for you. My husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer in February. It's been a terribly hard few months. We are in our fifties. I don't know how much help I can be as I'm falling apart a bit myself. One thing I would say. Please please try to allow yourself guilt free eating and resting. You really deserve that at least. You need to feel strong. X

  • Hello  

    Just so you are aware - I have put a full reply up to your other post here:

     I want to help and I cant 

    Best wishes - Brian.

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    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

    Strength, Courage, Faith, Hope, Defiance, VICTORY.

    I am a Macmillan volunteer.

  • Thank you so much. It's a horribly difficult situation whatever the circumstances, and I'm sending my thoughts over to you and your husband. Thank you for the kind words - sometimes it makes all the difference to hear it from someone who is also experiencing it, rather than a doctor or nurse. 

    I hope you can also find small pockets of respite and comfort. xx