Pessimistic and no faith!

Morning Marie grandkids are fab great for the mind, not so good for the body but always worth it. Great to hear you've had a lovely weekend, I hope you never spoiled him too much, have you been thinking about your next holiday yet, as going by train was fab. I think if it is practical whenever we go again It will be on the train. sadly home today, but off to Tromso next month, It's a Christmas present from Sheila though not sure if it's for last one or next one, lovely day here as well a good day to be out, Fingers crossed for tomorrow, hope it all goes well for you, I don't think the trip to Cambridge is for my benefit, but depending on what they say I will see them, Marie I have been a guinea pig twice before, first time having lots of tests on my heart about 20 years ago as not only should i have died years earlier my general health was good and they wanted to know why, with no benefit to me, but if it helped others that's good enough for me, second time 9 years ago, I knew beforehand this was not for my benefit, but was happy to help, Marie surprisingly considering all my health issues I have an extremely good immune system, I think there are only about 3000 people in the UK  who's adaptive immune system is similar to mine, anyway over 3 months i let them take samples and do tests which I hope helped.PS my OSA score is down to 4, so no risk of losing my driving license.

Eddie xx

Good morning and hope I find you well. Yes we have thought about our next holiday. We are going to salcombe Devon. It is my week off Chemo next week and we would usually go somewhere but unfortunately Dave can't take time off work due to the other managers on holiday the same time. We won't be off to Devon till next week off, mid August time. Looking forward to that. Glad to hear you arrived home safely and that you had a fabulous time. And glad to hear you will be going away again soon. Tromso sounds marvelous. I had to Google that as I had no idea where it was. That will be awesome. Hmmm although you are helping others with the Cambridge thing if it's no help to you makes you think is it worth it. Not been horrid to others but sounds like you've done so much already and doing more may impact your health. I know you will make the right decision either way. That's ace news about your driving license. Really pleased for you. I had chemo yesterday. All went well but the usual felt exhausted later in the day. Went to bed at 6 and that's the last I remember lol Feeling better this morning but still a little tender so will take it easy. Enjoy your day and take It easy x

Hi Marie, Salcombe is lovely and so is the whole region, been there a few times you will love it. It's sad Dave isn't able to get time off, maybe have a weekend somewhere. Scotland was fab as was the train ride, train again next time too, looking forward to Tromso but have to fly from London, had another call from Cambridge earlier, was told there are new treatments and trials for people who's HT is failing so I will be going, free 3 day break in Cambridge too, though I am worried about Sheila as I have always gone to hospital either on my own or with friends and I don't want to stir up any bad memories for her. Good to hear your feeling ok from chemo and going to take it easy, anyway I have hospice soon, take care.

Eddie xx 

Good morning and hope I find you well. Yes it is a shame Dave couldn't get time off but such is. We shall find other things to do and we have the Devon holiday to look forward to. Glad you had a wonderful time in Scotland. So good to get away when you can. Does you the world of good. The Cambridge thing sounds very promising. I hope they have treatments that may suit you, fingers crossed. I hope Sheila is okay, triggers are not good are they. I hope everything goes smoothly for you both. How did your hospice go? I had an oncology appointment yesterday. Bit of a waste of time really. Just asking me how the chemo is going and that was it. I came home and went to sit on the patio to enjoy the beautiful sunshine but had to come inside, it was way to hot for me. It's even hotter today. Not sure what to do, I shall take the day as I find it. Whatever you may be doing enjoy and enjoy that sunshine x

Good morning. Hope you are keeping well and enjoying the weekend. Unfortunately I am not. Sick again yesterday. Was a duvet day. So unpredictable, one minute I'm as right as rain, next minute I'm under the weather. I'm up today but feeling very tender. I have managed to eat some fruit this morning so that's always a good sign. I'll see how the day goes. Have you had a quiet weekend? You mentioned you had no plans or did that change? Whatever you may be doing enjoy x

Hi Marie, I did post you 2 days ago, seems it too has disappeared. so sorry to hear you haven't been too good, are you still on the same anti-emetics, that's too many bad weeks maybe a word with one of your team, happy to hear your eating something, have you someone with you D or A hopefully, hope you feel better soon, hospice Wednesday was good, a couple of new faces, Fridays trip cancelled, Saturday my volunteer day at hospice but picked up a bug so had to keep away, today went to farm for family dinner, and gave up my allotment and hens to Emma and partner, kept a greenhouse for tomato's. and special plants for later. Marie, what are you hoping to see and do in Devon, your spoilt for choice, Sheila and I stayed at Hope Cove, 5 miles west of Salcombe, talking of her we "she", have booked a church for late October, just wish  was more excited about it, look after yourself.

Eddie xx

Good morning. I was taking metaclopramide and they changed it to odansetron. I can't win. If I take it I get constipated and it doesn't fully stop the sickness. I feel better today. It doesn't last long and it's so hit and miss. This is why I just let nature run it's course usually. I'm not alone Dave is with me and daughter too. Sorry to hear you have had a bug. I hope you are feeling better now. Did you give up the allotment and hens because you struggle to look after them? Hope that didn't make you sad and glad to hear you have your greenhouse still. I find now that I can't do nowhere near as much as I use to and feel fatigued quite quickly. You really have to recognise your limitations. I'm looking forward to Devon. Me and Dave went to north Devon not long ago but not been south since I was a kid. Usually nearer the time I will research what I would like to do and put together an intinary. This hope cove sounds wonderful. Will take a look at it and if you have any other tips send them my way. Grandson will be coming with us too so I'm sure he will have a to do list. That's awesome news about booking the church. Much love to you both. Sorry to hear though you're not excited. Why do you think that is? Hopefully the excitement will come soon. What plans have you for today? Whatever you may be doing, enjoy and take care x

Morning? Marie, Couldn't agree more about letting nature run it's course, but there's nothing natural about chemotherapy or Anti-emetics, Odansetron is usually very good, I'm glad your feeling better today and have family with you, will you be doing anything today, I'm fine it's policy at hospice to stay away if you have anything infectious, Marie, I've hardly done anything on the allotment for the last 10 months not sure it's less energy more like loss of interest and not enough time or all three. definitely slowing down, pretty rubbish what I can manage now which I'm sorry you share, I would love to be a little more motivated. Devon is fab, but don't go to Hope Cove, we only stayed there as it was dog friendly, The Eden Project and Lost gardens of Heligan are fab but 90 mins away, but Brixham and Dartmouth are lovely, Torquay is good for family's as is Paignton zoo and woodland family theme park, Sheila booked the church with one hour to spare, we would have had to wait till next March or the registry office, I hope to get a little more excited too, I'm sure I will, nothing on today but busy tomorrow and Wednesday. say hi to everyone for me, take care.

Eddie xx

Good morning and hope I find you well. I've had a very quiet week considering it's my week off. Unfortunately although I feel better than I did chemo belly is still there a little. I also have sharp pains in the tumour, sharp stabbing pains. I've had this before and this is when they put me the morphine plan in place. Not really sure what causes it. Palliative nurse is coming tomorrow so I will have a chat with her. She may say I need to up my morphine. Anyway today I need to go get my PICC line dressing changed. I was meant to go on Saturday but didn't feel well enough. I'll go get that done and then quite fancy a wood walk. Will pop to Sherwood or Clumber. Thank you for all the wonderful tips and places to go in Devon. All sounds marvelous and looking forward to that. Anyway enough of me. How are you? And have you been up to much? I'm sure you will get excited nearer the time. I hope so. But then although it's an enjoyable experience doesn't mean you don't get nervous. Me and Dave got married at Gretna green. I don't conform to the usual marriage process. It just doesn't appeal to me. And all that money people spend. Eeeeeeeek!!!! I feel the same about funerals. I shall be having an unattended cremation and then Dave can celebrate the way he wants to later should he so wish I believe people should be free to do as they wish. Enjoy your day, enjoy the sunshine and take care x

Morning Marie,  I remember you having the stabbing pains before caused by radiotherapy if I  remember , good  to hear your palliative nurse is coming tomorrow. so you can talk to her about it, Shame she can't do your PICC line too, sounds wonderful a walk in the woods, Clumber has ice cream, there is so much more to Devon than I mentioned Marie,  it's a wonderful place. Not done much since last Thursday, family mostly and a bit of exercise, hospice today counselling and a hour with nurse consultant taking about the realities of our situation. Marie I was hoping to be an organ donor when I'm gone but cancer has ruled that out so I'm giving my body to medical sciences at Sheffield, my family have come round and understand my wishes though when the university  are done with me some of me will be buried under a newly planted oak tree in a forest. they wanted this and I'm ok with that  too. Marie your idea of a wedding would suit  me perfectly but Sheila's  a religious one and wants a church service, luckily we have found one  where you can only get 18 people in just enough for closest family and a couple of friends. I do hope I get a little enthusiastic about  getting married  soon feels more like a pain  than a pleasure right now, enough of being miserable have a fab walk in the woods with family. take care 

Eddie xx