Pessimistic and no faith!

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Morning all, hope you are all keeping well.

Had an appointment with my Oncologist yesterday, he authorised another 9 chemo's. But I haven't yet had a scan to see what effect the first round of chemo has had. He said on the basis of questions he's asked  me, my responses and the look of the area concerned is a clear indicator that the chemo has had some effect on the tumour. This is positive news right? But still I am mentally unable to accept it and remain pessimistic to safeguard myself. I believe this is because I have no faith and went through such a bad rollercoaster time when they were trying to find a diagnosis. I mean amongst other mishaps they completed a scan and advised me it wasn't cancer I had a bleed. Yeah right, I actually had a 15 cm tumour, how the hells bells do you miss that on a scan huh!! Now when they give me positive news, I struggle to accept it as I'm so scared they'll give me hope but then only take it away again down the line. Does anybody else feel this way?

Food shopping today and I think a cream cake is in order! Hope you all enjoy your day whatever it is you may be doing. 

  • I can see why you struggle to believe positive news after all that!

    I hope that you have had a delicious cream cake. 


  • Hi Maria, when we are as as vulnerable as we are we should be able to trust our doctors 100%, a 15 cm tumour how hard can it be to find that, though i trust my GP, urologist and have a wonderful cardiologist my oncologist i cannot. I have seen her once since diagnosis 2 years ago for 10 minutes, was supposed to see her last November and still waiting, I have phoned and Emailed but no response i have had 1 PSA test but no scans in the last year. My cancer  needs regular scans to monitor it as a PSA test is of little value. I  requested my hospital notes and the number of things in them i wasn't told about is unbelievable. I had a cystoscopy on Wednesday and my urologist told me there is no sign of bladder cancer, " I have a few", as you say, positive news, tried to get in touch with oncology to talk to them, no response as usual, Will go to PALS on Monday and if they can't help will write a letter of complaint. 


  • Hi Marie, It is confusing when they tell you something and then change it to something else.

    All I can tell you is if this was me, I would ask for a second opinion, we are all entitled to one. We have to be able to trust the Team who are looking after us!

    Love Annette x

    Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, Today is a Gift!!!
  • Thank you and  yes it's certainly shaken me up somewhat. Oooh I did, I had two actually, deeeeelish!

  • that's absolutely disgraceful!!!! I don't blame you in making a complaint, that is unacceptable, good luck with PALS and I hope they help you. I mean these scans are a necessity to your cancer and the fact you're not getting them is not acceptable. It's really scary because you're right we should be able to trust our doctors but unfortunately I've seen good, bad and downright idiot to be frank. My problems were with the breast department as they believed it was breast cancer. To be fair when I eventually got to the right department, the specialist sarcoma centre, they were more professional than the others. Pleased to hear you had some positive news on Wednesday, no bladder cancer, that is good news. I hope you enjoy your day whatever you may be doing

  • Thank you Annette you're absolutely right, the length of time it took to diagnose me and the mishaps and misdiagnosis has certainly shaken me. I will reserve judgement as to what effect chemo has had on my tumour until such time I have the scan, it's due anytime.

  • Thanks Marie, had a CT with contrast yesterday, it was booked 3 days earlier at urology, maybe that will give me some answers. hope you saved a cream cake for today, take care.


  • I really hope you get some positive news, good luck. I didn't save a cream cake no, I got a packet of two cream doughnuts and ate them both ha ha ... 

  • Morning Marie, thanks for your good wishes, never really had a sweet tooth but i do like cheesecake and as i like baking make my own, hope you have a good day.


  • I don't mind a bit of cheesecake too. That's fab you make your own. What talent you have and I imagine it keeps you occupied. Have a great day too