Pessimistic and no faith!

Good morning. Yes you're right I did have the stabbing pains with radiotherapy. Palliative nurse Helen said it's nerve damage from the growing tumour. Helen said she could prescribe gabapentin but suggested first I increase my morphine to see if that helps. Typically it's not been hurting yesterday or today. I'll monitor it and see how goes it. We had a lovely walk in clumber, really nice. And yesterday browsed the local high street and charity shops. Quite pleased I got my self couple of t shirts. Hope hospice and counseling went well for you. Giving your body to medical science is a great idea and I love the tree idea, that's awesome. I believe your wedding day will be a beautiful day. I understand re Sheila wanting a more religious affair, that's fair enough and you have done really well in respecting her wishes. Especially when they're not yours. It will be a wonderful day. What are you up to today? I'm feeling rather lazy so not sure if I will be up to much. We have lovely sunshine though. Maybe a day pottering in the garden. Take care and enjoy your day x

Hi Marie,  I like  Helen, morphine first is good advice, gabapentin needs careful management. Great to hear the stabbing pains have eased. Clumber park for a walk sounds great was that with A, hope you had an ice cream, and aren't charity shops fab, bought a few things from mine lately everyone a bargain, You should be able to wear the Tshirts next week as it's supposed to be hot, yippee. Hospice went very well, no counselling she's poorly but nurse consultant was great, no more end of life concerns. I am like you Marie why waste money on something you don't need much better  to give it to family,  I had already paid for the tree about 15 years ago, no memorial and apart from family no one will know, I hope your right about the wedding. Sheila came with me to Cambridge end to my tests and meetings, the first time she has,  I do tell her everything but try to phrase it as gently as I can, everything came out yesterday in graphic detail, no sugar coating and it's really upset Sheila. More tests today, Sheila wanted to come with me again, she's a tough cookie, just  waiting to see oncologist and we're going home. Lovely weather here a little cloudy but warm, It's good to hear your feeling better and getting out, that's cheered me up. Enjoy your gardening and the sunshine, we are off to the farm to see family that will cheer us both up. take care. 

Eddie xx 

Good morning. I hope I find you well. I am having trouble with this web site. When I try to type a message it's saying the site is not secure and won't let me post. I've logged in via a different way so here's hoping this works. Clumber park walk was with Dave. As were the Charity shops. I love them too especially when you get bargains. Good to hear hospice went well. And Cambridge too. I hope it was to your benefit. Sorry to hear Sheila was upset though. She's very brave. I hope she is feeling better now your home. What plans have you today? We was going to west bridgeford. My favourite local high street. Lovely charity shops and lovely places to eat. But it's forecast 27 here and I've decided wandering round the shops is not good in this heat. I will have a lazing on the patio day instead. Whatever you may be doing enjoy and take care x

Hi Maria, take 2, web site problems affecting us all, Macmillan are on it, It's nice to hear Dave and you have been getting out, though no mention of what you did over the weekend, I hope you have been ok and I'm sorry to hear it's too hot for you to go to West Bridgeford, which I'm not surprised you love, have been twice this year and t's so nice even has a M+S and an Oxfam bookstore,  enjoy your lazing in the garden, maybe it will cool down a little later and you can do something then, I hope everything goes well for you tomorrow. How is your planning for Devon going, there's so much to see and never enough time. Sheila and I didn't go to the farm we decided to go to Hunstanton for the weekend, just got home, and taking a friend to Weston Park. Sheila s fine, she says hello, Addenbrooke's was not fruitful, did get a PSMA scan which was good but not worth what Sheila had to go through, When are you off to Devon with the family, you will love it, and I hope it's a little cooler for you, my girls, all of them, are taking me out on Thursday and I get to choose where, their up to something, take care and best wishes again for tomorrow.

love Eddie xx

Good morning and hope I find you well. Just thought I'd drop you a quick message as I didn't have chemo yesterday I was admitted to hospital. I know right!; So a couple of days ago or so I started with a really bad headache, mild cough and really breathless. I put it down to a bug. I told them at chemo yesterday and they did obs and my oxygen intake was really low and my heart rate up. They admitted me. I've been on oxygen since but it's not improving. They have treated me for a blood clot and I've had warfarin. Just in case. I'm also on antibiotics for an infection. I have had a temperature. I've had had numerous blood tests, all ok so far. I've had a chest x-ray, it showed a small amount of fluid on the lung but they're saying it doesn't warrant the need for this much oxygen. They're sending me for a CT scan. Not sure if the tumour is impacting the lung although again they're saying it doesn't warrant this much oxygen this early on. So yeah what a parlava. Hope I find out more today. I'll keep you updated. Hope everything is good with you. Take care x

Oh sweetheart,  I am really sorry to hear this,  must have been a shock to find yourself in hospital, though hopefully they  will identify the problem soon, and it looks like their trying their best, I hope the CT scan  is able to shed light on the problem and you can go home soon.  How are you feeling today and  how are you managing, I can imagine how difficult this must be for Dave your daughter and you but your in the best place right now, best wishes for today's tests and thank you for letting me know what happens, if you would prefer to PM me that's ok, my problems are not important, will have everything crossed for you today, take care  Marie. 

love Eddie xx 

Morning Marie,  just a quick message to see how you are doing and how you are feeling, I hope your tests yesterday will shine some light on what's happening to you and your feeling a little better today. Sheila,  sends her love and best wishes as do I, good luck with your results, and say hi to Dave and A for me please tell them you are all in my thoughts, please take care 

Love Eddie xx 

Thank you Eddie, appreciate your well wishes, means a lot. A quick update Oncologist has been to see me. I have pneumonia. However it has been caused by the radiotherapy I had coupled with the chemo on top. Can you remember me having that radiotherapy l. It made me so ill. I had to stop it. It has caused inflammation of the lungs. The actual tumour is stable and it has actually shrunk. He did the your in the dark woods speech and potentially treatment may not work and your potentially going to die and this is how. Great huh. Along with the antibiotics they're starting with a high dose of steroids today. Will let you know how goes it. Hope you're keeping well and take care x

Hi Marie, It's good to hear from you, and that they have a diagnosis and starting treatment, that's good to hear, I do remember your radiotherapy "treatment" was more like torture and was useless, thankfully you stopped it early, so t's given you radiation pneumonitis. I hope your not on an open ward taking anti-biotics, when you say steroids do you mean corticosteroids as prednisone is the proven first choice option, that's great to hear your tumour has shrunk, it's good to know your chemotherapy was effective. You had the doom and gloom speech, It's not your first one is it, I've had quite a few their basically covering their backs and best wishes with your treatment, PS if you put a couple of extra pillows under your upper body and head it will help your breathing. I'm fine, please take care.

Eddie xx

Good morning hope you're well. You're absolutely right, pneumonitis is exactly what is. That's what they told me. I'm sorry I can't remember specifically what he said about the steroids. All I remember him saying was I was having a lot of steroids. Or so I thought. I'll find out more today. They are trying to get my dependency on the oxygen can down. I did go from 75% to 50% yesterday. I'll see how I go today. Fingers crossed. They're also doing an echo this morning as I have a small amount of fluid near the heart. And left lung. You're absolutely right about receiving the bad news but I am a little pessimistic and apt to focus on the bad and start to catastrophise. Against all the odds the chemo did do something. But he won't give me it again as he sees it as one of the causes of this. You can't win can you. Thank you for the tips and being there, means alot. Fingers crossed today goes positively. Whatever you may be doing, enjoy and take care x