Pessimistic and no faith!

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Morning all, hope you are all keeping well.

Had an appointment with my Oncologist yesterday, he authorised another 9 chemo's. But I haven't yet had a scan to see what effect the first round of chemo has had. He said on the basis of questions he's asked  me, my responses and the look of the area concerned is a clear indicator that the chemo has had some effect on the tumour. This is positive news right? But still I am mentally unable to accept it and remain pessimistic to safeguard myself. I believe this is because I have no faith and went through such a bad rollercoaster time when they were trying to find a diagnosis. I mean amongst other mishaps they completed a scan and advised me it wasn't cancer I had a bleed. Yeah right, I actually had a 15 cm tumour, how the hells bells do you miss that on a scan huh!! Now when they give me positive news, I struggle to accept it as I'm so scared they'll give me hope but then only take it away again down the line. Does anybody else feel this way?

Food shopping today and I think a cream cake is in order! Hope you all enjoy your day whatever it is you may be doing. 

  • Good morning. There is a small waitrose in Nottingham centre but we go to the big one in Newark. They do have a great selection and I have been treating myself. Absolutely! Still raining here. It's still raining at present ugh. Went to get my bloods done yesterday and all went smoothly, hurrah. Swept the garden path and that's as good as it gets im afraid. It was chucking it down. Came inside and sat and watched a couple of episodes of the traitors with daughter. The look good feel better is going good. It's when the next workshop is on. I will pop into Maggie's and find out when I go for Chemo on Tuesday. No nesting birds where I pruned but I believe we have nesting wood pigeons in one of the trees. It's usually the case every year. We also have lots of magpie's. They land on the window sill and tap on the window. I've been told it's because it's their reflection but I don't know. Because we back on to the park and woodland we have lot's of wildlife, squirrels, foxes and even seen a badger. Glad all your appointments went well. Oh wow Norfolk. Love it! Hope you get to go, that will be awesome. Not sure what I'm doing today. What plans have you? Enjoy and take care x

  • Morning Marie, hope you are feeling ok, I do like Waitrose, but it's in Sheffield so only go when I am at the nearby hospitals and your right they have lots of own brand yummies though don't buy branded items as they are much cheaper elsewhere, sorry to hear about the weather we had a couple of downpours yesterday but been mostly dry and dry today so far, an incident free trip for bloods hurrah indeed and hopefully doing the LGFB at Maggie's, that's great, though I hope it doesn't clash with your chemo as I think it's on a tuesday, nice to see the wildlife but our council's build anywhere policy means it's rare to see any in the garden anymore, Norfolk if only for 1 night but will be nice, girls picking me up soon and taking me out for fathers day no idea where, what's Dave getting for fathers day, hope it's not a glamping holiday, say hi to him for me and enjoy your day.

    Eddie xx

  • Hi Kate, how are you doing, I hope you are well and you have just been busy, and I hope Candy is good too, It's been a while since we've seen a post from you on here and was wondering how you were, I know you were having stomach pains and were due an ultrasound to hopefully identify the cause. fingers crossed it has helped. Were you able to get to Carlisle to meet up with your friend, I remember you though, rightly, that it was a long way and would take a lot of effort, but hopefully you found the strength to go and see your friend, how are things going in the garden, not been much decent weather here to draw you into the garden, so getting further behind, though maybe the weathers been kinder to you. Have you been able to go on lots of walks with Candy between the rain, hope to hear from you soon, take care.

    Eddie xx

  • Hi Everyone!

    I am still here....still surviving!

    Going to Carlisle on Friday was great. I met up with my longest friend, 40+ years and counting. We keep in touch by phone or email mostly, but having a 'proper chat' face to face is so much better! We decided to have a look around in the cathedral, and discovered there was due to be a concert in the evening. We had only been in there 10 minutes when various musicians arrived, and started rehearsing. It was fantastic! We were accompanied by beautiful music as we wandered around, and all for free!

    Yes, doing all the driving was tiring, but it was worth it just to get a change of scene.

    My garden is starting to look a bit more under control now, and with good weather forecast, I'll be able to do more this week. I'm still at the stage of taking things out rather than putting new plants in, but I'm beginning to get an idea of what to put in to complement what is already there. It will still be a shady woodland garden, but not quite as 'wild'.

    Marie, I do hope they can sort your picc line out...it is supposed to make treatments and blood tests easier, not an ordeal!

    Eddie...have a good rest this week!

    Annette....hope you've recovered from the travelling to Durham.

    I have a quiet week ahead appointments-wise, but things happening the following week.

    Looking forward to some sunshine at long last. Just wish the wind would die down a bit!

    Have a good week, everyone

    Kate

  • Hi Kate, (Candysmum) I was so pleased to read you enjoyed your trip to Carlisle with 'free' background music in the cathedral, that must have been a nice surprise. Making an effort to do things is quite a thought but when it turns out well, like your meet up with a friend, it is really worth while! Now you can rest and recover! Good luck with upcoming appointments!

    Love Annette x

    Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, Today is a Gift!!!
  • Thank you Kate, no hospital appointments is certainly a good start to having a nice week, I hope we are going to see your garden  when you are done, I know you never really finish a garden, it's always changing, but you know what I mean, Enjoy your house guests and collecting them hasn't worn you out too much, I think we are all looking forward to the sunshine,

    Eddie xx

  • Good morning. Rain free day today so far but it does look gloomy. Chemo today and I have an earlier appointment which I'm glad of. Hope it's a drama free day. Will also pop into Maggie's to find out when the next lgfb workshop is on. Hope it's not a Tuesday although I do get a week off Chemo so could possibly go then. Aw that's not good having no wildlife. We have found out there are owls nesting in the tree in the park. There is a baby. It's rather noisy in the night lol We have spotted mum in the tree through the day. Am I a div donk or do owls eat rabbits. I'm a little concerned about raven running around on the patio although daughter says I am a div donk it's not that kind of owl lol Hope you had a lovely father's day. What did you do? Dave had a lovely chilled day and received some nice gifts. He's a happy human lol Are you still off to Norfolk? Hope so. That will be awesome. 

    Hi Kate, thank you for your kind words re the dreaded PICC line. It's a right palava isn't it. Since they flushed it it's been great but unfortunately it won't last. Seems to be the nature of the beast. I'm really pleased you enjoyed your trip, sounds wonderful. Glad you had a great time. 

    Take care and enjoy your day x

  • I've not heard of a div donk before....must be an expression used in the North of Scotland, not the South?

    Yes, owls do catch rabbits...usually the smaller ones. Most of their prey is smaller though, like mice and voles.

    I've been watching thrushes smashing snail shells in my garden recently. Wish they would eat some of the slugs too!

    Hope the chemo goes in smoothly, without any delays

    Kate

  • Morning Marie and good luck for today, hope it goes well again good to hear you have an earlier appointment, important question first, If ravens a fully grown rabbit he should be safe as long as it' s not a barn owl, We get eagle owls in yorkshire and they will have  go at cats and small dogs, I was taken out by all my girls for dinner and it was fab, got a few pressies as well, Sheila's son and DIL also gave me something, they have doe so for a few years now and it mean so much to me, I hope you can still do LGFB workshop, have you already done one?, good luck it parking at Maggie's, busy day so must dash, catch up later, take care.

    Eddie xx

  • Good morning. Well don't faint but Chemo all went well. No waiting time, PICC line worked well, no problems at all. I'm enjoying the moment while it lasts. Thank you both for the info re the owl. I have no idea what type of owl it is. Although I can sometimes spot it in the tree during the day I can't see much detail. I think though from what you're saying Raven seems quite safe thank goodness. You was right about the lgfb workshop. I popped into Maggie's and it is on a Tuesday. However sometimes I'm booked for a late Chemo so I could probably still attend. I'll work something out. 

    I'm not sure about the div donk Kate and I'm not sure whether or not they use it in Scotland. It's a phrase I grew up with. It's probably, knowing me, just a me phrase!!! Isn't it wonderful to be sat watching the wildlife in the garden. I find it so comforting. 

    Hope you're both having a grand day. I'm chilling. Not unusual day after chemo. Take care x