Pessimistic and no faith!

oh how amazing, a disney timeshare. That's ace. That is a shame you sold it but you didn't know then what you know now so couldn't be helped. I imagine you had such wonderful times there. I can't think of anywhere better to be. To buy again, a pipe dream maybe, but it's definitely worth looking in to and why not? I'd say go for it and go go go with the grandchildren, that would be awesome. I'm really sorry to hear of your diagnosis. It was a very sad read. Although, I'm glad to hear you made it to Disney world for the Christmas and New Year. Wow, you did amazingly well to do that and I'm so glad you made beautiful memories. When I got diagnosed we had a weekend away booked in Chester and we still decided to go. It was a mistake, I was busting out crying all the time and took no enjoyment from it whatsoever. It was too soon. Yes, I was no doubt fast asleep when you wrote that. That's one thing I can say has improved. For the first time in 6 years I have actually slept better this past month or so. No idea why but I'm not knocking it. Hope you are well today. Have you plans? Enjoy, whatever you may be doing

Hi Marie, my bowel issues, apart from the bleeding are due to me not eating enough or drinking enough water. though i take cosmocol twice daily or more when needed, All constipation is classed as significant, medically, you should talk to a dietician if yours is morphine related, it could be slowing down peristalsis, They will help you with diet and which laxatives will work best for you, though lots of fibre and water helps. Family are fine, there of to Whitby for 2 weeks, Allotment just talking again and Maggie's to talk about a procedure which could help with symptoms later on, but could also kill me, my counsellor called me, she want's to see me, don't know why she knows i want to stop it, I think i may have said too much last time. How long does radiotherapy take for you, not surprised your exhausted being there all afternoon, Anyway half way through, have you noticed any pattern to how you feel after it. Happy your feeling a little better. Never went to farm shop, I don't eat most of what i buy and give it away, Neuropathy playing up so no plans today, We will see how things are tomorrow, Do you and Dave have any plans for the weekend and did you contact Maggie's about the ongoing group, talked to psychologist at Leeds and they need 5 to sign up for it to start, I was number 4, we will see

Eddie xx

Hi Marie, when first diagnosed with esophageal cancer hospital said they could get rid of it, 1 week later I'm told I've stage 4 and 1 year to live so I get what your saying, guess we just have to make the most of it, not easy I know, stay positive

Hi eddie hope you are well. Ahhh wow family gone to Whitby for 2 weeks. That's ace. I absolutely love it round there, so beautiful. Will you be going to visit too? How did Maggies go to talk about the procedure? I'm intrigued as to what this procedure is. Am I allowed to ask? I hope it went well for you all the same. And how did you get on with the counsellor, hope the matter has been resolved. The actual radiotherapy session doesn't take long at all, 10 minutes maybe. But I have to meet with the doctor prior to it happening every week and that takes up time. Also, I get my picc line dressing changed and that only adds on time. I'm there usually all afternoon. I am shattered. In fact I am not well at all. I have been in bed for a couple of days. I am not sure whether it's radiotherapy making me so ill or if it's something else, the cancer progressing ?? I am completed exhausted to the point I can't move, my nerves are bad, jumpy and spasms, I feel sick, I've been sick, no appetite whatsoever. struggling even to take pain relief, constipated. Also, the tumour seems to inflame/grow and it's so painful, although this is why the doctor meets with me every week, to check that it hasn't grown. I'm thinking i may contact gp today. I hope you had a good weekend even though you too haven's seemed well in that your neuropathy is playing up. Hope that feels better now. Enjoy your day whatever you intend on doing and take care. 

 MarieT we had the best of times there. If you put yourself at the side of the lake at Downtown Disney and look over the lake that's where the timeshare we bought was. It's called Saratoga Springs resort.

I had my kidney removed on the 28th August and my eldest daughter was 16 on Sept 17th and I took  both girls and my friend took her son to Edinburgh for the weekend to see Legally Blond the musical at Edinburgh playhouse and we walked all over that weekend I'm really not sure how I did that but you do for your kids don't you.

We had a full on storm yesterday, I was watching tele in the conservatory and i thought it was going to blow off the back of the house!!

Hoping everyone has a good day. X

Hi Marie I'm so sorry to hear how awful you are feeling, please call your GP, where you any better before you went for radiotherapy, I know you have been feeling crap a lot lately but it sounds like it's got much worse, did the doctor or radiotherapists say or do anything for you, have you got someone with you now helping you, I do hope the doctor helps. I am ok, no Whitby this time, counsellor doesn't want me to stop sessions and have a tumour just above rectum, which did shrink enough to be removed, and if not taken care off will cause problems later, which is a straight forward operation, was hoping there was a way without anaesthetic but there isn't, will need epidural and last time 14 months ago my heart stopped twice and was stronger than it is now. Hope you feel better soon, take care.

Eddie xx

Good morning Eddie, hope I find you well. Picked up a little here but not as well as I should be. I did have something to eat yesterday which was good. What a dreadful time I'm having. No, I wasn't ill at all before radiotherapy. If it is radiotherapy I can't believe the effect it is having on me, it really has knocked me for six. I've mentioned how I'm feeling to the radiotherapy doctor but she hasn't taken it seriously. How I'm feeling seems to have got worse the number of sessions i've had, with this last one quite debilitating. I've made a decision, whether it be right or wrong, to not go for radiotherapy this week to at least see if I start to pick up. I rang the GP and she has referred me to the palliative care team. They are coming out to see me on Friday so fingers crossed help will be with me soon. In the meantime, yes, both Dave and my daughter are here and they're both helping, they're great. That's going to be a difficult decision re your operation. I'm sorry to hear, it's awful that you're having to go through such things. Well, I've nothing to report as I haven't been anywhere or done anything. Here's hoping you have some news for me. Take care and enjoy your day.

Good morning Elliekate, hope you are keeping well. Wow that sounds amazing, overlooking the lake too, awesome. Ohhhhhh you must really miss it. That is the most amazing thing that you went to Edinburgh for the weekend after having your kidney removed. WOW!! You really must have some stamina and resilience, that is quite an incredible thing. I love a good storm, glad it didn't blow off the back of your house mind lol Hope you are keeping well, not to great here, radiotherapy has knocked me for six. Enjoy your day and take care X

 MarieT I'm so sorry the radiotherapy is making you feel so poorly. I had radiotherapy yesterday but mines just a one off big blast to a secondary growth on my rib but even just having the one blast I'm a bit more tired today and I've got increased pain both of which I was told were a possibility so having a course of radiotherapy you will feel rubbish I'm sure. I was once told right back at the beginning of my treatment that if you get the side effects the treatment is hitting the right spot. I'm sure it was just said to make me feel better but who knows. I hope today is a better day. I went straight out for dinner after my treatment and really enjoyed it which I'm glad I did because today I wouldn't have felt up to it. I had a Bolognese panini with chips and salad and a glass of white zinfandel and I really enjoyed it. I couldn't eat anything else for the rest of the day because I was still full from my dinner or lunch depending on where you live.

I hope everyone has the best day they can x

Hi Marie, it' s good to hear you managed to eat something and you are feeling a little better but nothing like you should be feeling, disgusting the way the radiotherapy doctor brushed off your concerns I thought at least anti emetics would have been offered, not surprise/d your taking a break from RT i can only imagine how awful you are feeling. Well done phoning your GP and get the palliative care team out, I'm certain they will help. Having your family supporting you is wonderful to hear. Talked to a surgeon and anaesthetist today and see my cardiologist tomorrow, so should know more, that was my day, hope you start to feel a little better soon, Oh i nearly forgot Sheila and my are getting married, take care.

Eddie