Pessimistic and no faith!

Morning Marie, glad you got out on Saturday a couple of times, must have been nice for you both, though really sorry that  yesterday was such a tough day for you, understandable things get too much and you get fed up with it, who wouldn't, Have you talked to anyone about your get up and go, I know they will probably recommend anti-depressants, but maybe have some ideas that could help Nice to know Dave got an Easter egg and you got 3, allotment was nice, even did a little work, only popping by to see family for a few minutes today to take some food, as i will probably need to go to hospital today, though going for a walk first with Poppy which may help, and put off having to go for a while. Enjoy your lazy morning and hope you feel better soon, take care.

Eddie xx

Morning Eddie and hope I find you well. I think it's more of a physical thing that affects my get up and go. Some days, just a small activity can put me on the floor and I'm unable to do much more for the rest of the day. I've spoken to the doctors about fatigue and breathlessness. They are doing a blood test to check for anemia. Personally I just think it's nature of the beast. I had bad fatigue before when I had cancer and it took me a good while to start feeling normal again. Dave did get an easter egg but his is still sitting on the table and he's eaten half of mine lol It's all about sharing isn't it. Glad you got in the allotment, hope you enjoyed. It was really sunny and quite warm here so I was out in the garden too. More weeding, raking, hoeing and tidying. Looks a little gloomy today so not sure what I will do today. Ohhh why did you have to go to hospital? If I may ask. I really hope you are ok Eddie. And that's sad that you only got to see your family for a few minutes. Hope you're alright and take care.

Hi Marie, hope this message gets to you, previous 2 have vanished. 3rd time lucky. I hope the doctors  can help you with the fatigue and being short of breath, I know how bad it feels, prostate treatment  gives everyone fatigue, losing your testosterone is so draining. Great you got out in the garden yesterday, hope you got out today in the sun, been warm here today but no time to enjoy it. Nice to hear Dave got an egg and was kind enough to help you eat yours, Hospital avoided, bowels bleeding which is ok as long as i am regular, though if i have not been for 72 hours i should go to A+E, Anyway yesterday was day 4 since i last went, so took Poppy for a walk, hoping it would help, but mainly so she could go before i went into hospital, and thankfully it worked, so got too see family and managed some dinner as well. today exercise group, counselling which i have decided to stop, saw LCN at urology for advice regarding bowels a massage then GP as arthritis is getting worse.in hands, Back at GPs tomorrow as she wants to see me again. 

Eddie xx

 MarieT thankyou for your kind words Orlando was great and the skills of the American teams are amazing. It's a newish sport over here but is gaining in popularity and UK teams improve all the time. My daughter's girlfriend also proposed to her at the Tree of Life in Disney's Animal Kingdom which we all knew was going to happen but she had no idea one of her friends put a Mickey Mouse brides veil on her head and told her to turn round and her partner was down on one knee there was some very undisney words said before she said yes and the Disney photographer got some brilliant photos and there was a big cheer from the passersby as well as our group.

I'm hoping the girls get to go to Milan but just the fact they have been asked is amazing.

I'm so sorry the growth in your tumour is affecting your daily life as well as giving you pain. I know many aspects of this horrific disease can affect our everyday lives

Next time you visit Redcar you definitely need a Pacittos. I'm very excited about my daughter expecting sadly they lost two pregnancies before this one which happily seems to be going well so far.

Take care

Elliekate, Well there is nothing like having your first grandchild. It is just an amazing feeling but totally different from having your own child! It is not long until July,, do you knit? How wonderful your daughter is putting her Cheerleading skill to good use by coaching others! You must be so very Proud! It will be a great experience for them to go to Milan! These are exciting times for your family. Our daughter had two miscarriages before her first child was born but now she has two beautiful daughters!

Where did you end up on Monday?

Morning Eddie, hope you are well. Oh no having to send message 3 times. How irritating is that huh. I hope it's just a glitch and doesn't go on so. Got out in the garden day before yesterday too. Much of the usual. That's the problem with our garden, it's beautiful and looks great backing on to the woodland and park but it's far too big to have to deal with now. We did say we would get a gardener when the time come but at the moment we just keep plodding on doing little bits. Yesterday, daughter wanted a pair of new trainers so we headed in to the city. Browsed a couple of shops then went for lunch at TGI's. Was lovely but I only managed an hour before I conked out lol Yes, this fatigue is difficult but I'm going to have to learn to embrace it and if that means I can't do much so be it unfortunately. It's no good fighting it because I never win lol Thank goodness you didn't have to go to hospital. I'm still very sorry you had to endure that and I hope it settles down for you somewhat. That's ace you got to see family and managed dinner. Awesome. Hope your exercise and massage went well. And sorry to hear the arthritis is getting worse. That's all you need on top of everything else. Hope the GP gave you something to help. Radiotherapy for me today. I'll be there all afternoon again but hey ho!! How about you? How are you and what plans have you? Take care and enjoy your day

I've been to Disney too. What an absolutely amazing place. I loved everything about it. That's ace that your daughters girlfriend proposed there. Awesome!! What beautiful memories for you all. You must of all had such an amazing time. I hope the girls get to go to Milan too. but you're right the fact they've been asked is in it's own right an amazing thing. Will you go to Milan if they get to go? Thank you for your kind comments re the tumour. It's taken over much of the upper left hand side now and it's breaking through the lining of the lung. Not good huh! Dreadful thing to have to carry around, live with and watch it grow unable to do anything about it. I'm really very sorry about your daughter losing two pregnancies. That must weigh heavily on you all. But I'm so glad to hear this one is going well so far. That's ace news! Long may it last. I most definitely do need a Pacittos. I still haven't got over the fact that I never had one lol Hopefully, next time! I have radiotherapy today. Have you any plans? Whatever you may be doing, enjoy.

Keep meaning to get a new PC, i think maybe it's time, Great you got out with your daughter, TGI's for lunch, we have one here though not been yet, did you conk out at TGI's, that's awful as is fatigue and i know our causes were/are different but exercise could help. Gardening does get tougher, i have my eldest and her partner helping me now, have you asked the neighbours about helping in the garden, often they love to garden but theirs isn't enough to keep them happy and would love to help with yours. My bowels, "lovely morning topic", are very irregular, poor infrequent eating habits, less mobile and cancer, though as long as they are not too painful and i don't pass out i'm ok if i only go every 2 or 3 days , have been to A+E a couple of times because of it, but it's a pain in the, you know what, Family dinner was great as always, even got someone to share the driving for when i go to Fort William, was going to ask you but not if you keep conking out LOL, exercise was ok massage relaxing and GP, not for arthritis. Referrals, scans, bloods, MDT meeting and a form i needed her to sign regarding my hospice, Good luck with radiotherapy today and your doctor visit, soon be half way through treatment off to farm shop then Maggies, maybe allotment later, nice to see Annette posting too, best wishes to you and Dave.

Eddie xx

 MarieT when the girls were young we were extremely lucky and had the Disney version of a timeshare and had several holidays that would have cost us stupid money. We sold it when I became ill and couldn't get insurance for the USA that is something I regret as I didn't know you were allowed to rent out the points because now I can get insurance so would be able to go back. At the time we actually got back what we had initially paid so had had amazing holidays for the price of the yearly maintenance fees. I am sometimes tempted to looking into buying again for the girls but I haven't so far. We never minded having the four of us in a studio if we wanted to go every year, if we went every other year we could have a one bed apartment. We have some amazing memories of those years. If I was able to go with grandchildren how amazing that would be. I know if I left my girls Disney Vacation Club points they would be completely overwhelmed. You can use the points allover the world it isn't just for Disney. Maybe after the wedding is over I will take a look.Sadly the pound is no where near as strong as it was when we bought before and I feel that will be a decider. A NHS pensions only goes so far and I'm sure this will remain a pipe dream. My life may not be going to be as long as I might like but it has been extremely blessed and there is very little of it I would change. I will also wait for their next election results. Everyone has to have a dream I guess.

I think the feeling of having no control is awful and I'm not control freak and having no confidence in your body because I was completely unaware that I was ill. My secondary bone cancer site was found on a x-ray for arthritis which I already knew I had. I was in hospital the next day and my primary cancer found to be in my kidney. The days prior to that x-ray I had been on a course in London and had been walking miles in my time off as it was in the Summer and back then I loved walking round London through Hyde Park, Covent Garden and I'd been doing it all with a pathological fracture of my pelvis but was just trying to ignore the pain as I thought it was arthritis. Within a week I went from 13 hour shifts too being told I had little chance of living longer than 5 years with treatment.and my cancer was already stage 4 and the treatment would never be a cure. That diagnosis came on my sister in law's birthday and 2 weeks before my 49th birthday. That year we went to Disney world for Christmas and New Year. I thought I might not see another Christmas in I was extremely stupid and went without insurance but I was determined we would have a time that would never be forgotten. Christmas day we had the morning in Magic Kingdom and we left when the crowds got really bad and went to Typhoon Lagoon waterpark and I can remember having a chair right on the edge of the wave pool so my feet were in the water watching my husband and daughters laughing and having the best time while I was sipping a cocktail with tears dripping down face. The best time and the worst time all at once.

I hope you can find some ease from your pain and discomfort and hope you are fast asleep and not reading my reply. Take care 

Morning Eddie and hope I find you well. Yes, by the time I got to TGI's I'd conked out, had enough lol Came straight home after that. As to the neighbours and helping in the garden, one of our neighbours is getting on for 80 and she has somebody helping her already and the other neighbour doesn't do her own garden let alone help with ours lol Sorry about your bowels, it must get you down on top of everything else. Over the past couple of weeks I have become constipated. The doctor said it's the morphine, although I believe I haven't taken enough to make me constipated. I'm now having to take a laxative to enable me to go to toilet. Another thing on my never ending list of things to get me down lol Good to hear you're still keeping busy and it sounds like you're having a wonderful time of it, really glad you got to see the family. So radiotherapy went ok, same ole, same ole, was there all afternoon and pretty exhausted. Felt rubbish all day yesterday and did little, a little better today but still not up for doing much. I hope you spent lots of money and got lots of yummy things at the the farm shop and hope Maggies went well. What's your plans for today? Enjoy whatever you may be doing.