Pessimistic and no faith!

Good morning. Oooooh I love Ladybower, what a gorgeous place. I hope you had the best time ever. I'm sorry to hear you ended up in A & E with the naproxen and lansoprazole. Doesn't surprise me. I'm feeling much better now that I've not taken it in a couple of days. Although, I did feel a little shitty last night and was in bed very early but needs must so to speak. Have you had any dealings with this Morphine and what's your opinion on it? You're right about me having days in and then days out. Call me strange though but I do love my days in. I've always been the same even well before I got ill, very much an introvert lol Daughter didn't cook a sunday roast yesterday but she did have an attempt at mum's cottage pie. It was very nice but it just didn't have that crusty top that mum's had. Still, enjoyed it and went down a treat. Thank you for explaining the CRCC. Will you be trained to process information in a different way? Will that help? Ooooh yummy Italian. I hope you all enjoyed. What did you have? Did you manage to sow some seeds. It was lovely weather here yesterday and it looks like today too. Not sure what I'm doing as yet, Dave is at work. I'll see what daughter is up to or will maybe get out to do a little more in the garden. Enjoy your day and take care

Hi Marie Ladybower's great, love the Derwent valley, and the Trent valley, Naproxen slowed my heart beat, as my EF is low i wasn't getting enough oxygen. Glad you are off them and feeling better, Morphine is great at pain relief though can make you tired and confused, I would suggest you get something to monitor four blood pressure as it can lower your BP. I love being outside, your just weird. No Sunday roast though a lovely consolation in a cottage pie, don't overwork the spuds as it lets too much water in, and sprinkle grated cheese on top, crusty top every time. CRCC, your brain can re-wire itself to store information in a different way, I have a list of 100 people i know and a couple of things about them and try to remember them, we will see. Dinner was lovely, I had  Italian chicken salad Stated sowing at last, did 15 trays of seeds and same again Wednesday as busy today, been to cancer hospital, hospice for counselling and exercise group which was a struggle. Weathers great, spring at last. Hope you got out with your daughter and made the most of the lovely weather. Have identity and loss photoshoot tomorrow and meeting MDT at local hospital with a massage between them. take care

Eddie xx

Good morning. Yes, derwent valley is so beautiful. Lovely, lovely place to be. Mind you all the places I've been in the peak district are gorgeous. So, didn't do much yesterday. I did manage to get out in the garden and did some more weeding on the patio but I didn't last long. After coming off the naproxen etc. and the dizzy spells etc. going, I thought I was going to feel better. But I have the most dreadful fatigue. I really have had a rubbish week this past week. I start radiotherapy tomorrow and I'm like jeeeeez I'm completely knackered before I start. This fatigue really drags me down, I'm full of self pity lol I had a chat with the nurse re any more pain medication and she said to continue with paracetamol and the morphine until I meet with the radiotherapy doctor next week. That's very interesting what you said about the morphine as I already run on a low blood pressure. They've told me it's nothing to worry about but sometimes it drops quite low and makes me feel faint. You would think they would discuss this with me on prescribing me with it huh. Deary me! I'll monitor that one. Daughter didn't put cheese on the cottage pie. That's maybe where she went wrong. Next time!! It sounds like you have been busy busy, really glad to hear your italian went well and that you got some sowing done, that's ace news. I'm sorry to hear though your exercise was a struggle again. Are they not able to make it a lighter activity? How did the photoshoot go? Sounds interesting. And your meeting? Hope that went well. Light activities for me today, hopefully another small session in the garden. Small steps and all that. Whatever you may be doing, enjoy and take care. 

Morning Marie, so sorry your not feeling well and with fatigue as well you must feel awful. Me and the guys on the prostate forum all get fatigue after treatment and by far the best way through it is exercise, just a little when you can and your strength will return. Thank god for paracetamol. Though sorry to tell you RT may make things worse, your Maggies does a fatigue workshop and a mindfulness course they would really help you. The BP issues with morphine are not common but are worth keeping in mind. Cheese on cottage pie helps but it's over working the mash which stops it going crusty. Exercise yesterday, it's already light, went well, wear a heart monitor which tells me when heart beat too high and no beeps and my working heartbeat never got over 105bpm. Photoshoot 1 minute and about 12 pictures, don't know why i had to take all my clothes off LOL, My "how are you doing" meeting was cancelled, saw my oncologist, LCN  and therapeutic radiographer for a full MDT meeting instead on results, treatments? and general health which went better than i could have hoped for, though still qualify for the forum, the RT was more successful than we hoped for, though i left with 6 new appointments, taking eldest to see her Uni friends in Nottingham again today and may look for some t-shirts, then looking forward to baking later with my best friend as it's been a while as she has been fighting cancer too. Happy weeding, hope it stays dry for you, take care.

Eddie xx

Thank you Eddie, I appreciate your kind words, you're right I have felt pretty shit of late. And I do try to do at least some exercise whether I be inside or outside. Like yesterday I didn't make the garden as it was raining but I have a treadmill at home so did do a slow 10 minute walk. It's at least something right? I think the problem I have and as you have mentioned before I tend to over do it on days out and make matters worse. Last night I succumbed to the morphine, you're right it did get rid of the pain quickly and I slept like a baby, out like a light. Just don't want to be taking it too regularly yet. So, radiotherapy today. And yes, I agree with you that it will no doubt wipe me out further. When I had radiotherapy before, it completely wiped me out, I found it worse than chemo. I'm just going to have to give it my best shot and do as my body tells me. Did you really have to take all you clothes off? Are you joking lol Was it for Playboy really huh lol I'm glad though everything went well for you. And really pleased to hear that your MDT meeting went so well. It all sounds so promising, I'm really pleased for you, great news. How did your trip to Nottingham go? And the baking? Hope you had much fun. What plans for today. Enjoy whatever you may be doing and take care

Hi Marie, sorry your feeling shit but glad your doing some exercise, every little helps, and little and often is best. Morphine worked well and apart from falling asleep were there any other unwanted side effects and please be careful with them, No i did bot take my clothes off, they couldn't afford me.MDT my radiotherapy last April did all we could have hoped for, though bones have weakened so on alendronic acid and need a scan on my sacrum, Nottingham wet dropped daughter off and went to Maggies for a few hours. Just a few flans made as friend still not 100%. Today last memory course, which has helped. I know it was RT today and you have probably had it already but i hope it went well and hasn't taken too much out of you, take care.

Eddie xx

Morning Eddie, hope you are well. No I've had no side effects from the morphine as yet. But in the time I have had it, 3 weeks, I've only taken 2 5ml doses. I only take it when I feel really bad. That's fantastic news, your radiotherapy doing all you could hope for. Ace news. Hope you had a fun time at Maggies and cooking the flans. How did your memory course go? So, radiotherapy went well.  Only problem they asked us to arrive half an hour earlier than the designated time and then, on doing that they advised there was an hour delay. This, coupled with getting my picc line dressing changed meant we were at the hospital for 4 hours again. Last night I felt sick and had sharp stabbing pains so I had a morphine and took myself to bed. Had a great nights sleep again. This morning, still feel a little sick and still some odd pains but nowhere near as bad as last night. Will see how goes it. Not sure what's on the agenda today. How about you? What plans have you? Enjoy and take care.

Morning Marie please tell me your morphine dose is not 25ml and 2.5ml and you missed the decimal point, though good there are no unwanted side effects the wonderful nights sleep is a welcome one. I was at Maggies 3 hours and talked to two lovely ladies from the West Indies who we found out have a mutual friend, small world, Nottingham is much more intimate than Leeds which is open plan though both are nice places to be. It was lovely to bake with my friend again  hopefully we ban do it for some time yet. the managing memory and concentration course has helped me understand my condition and how to manage it and hopefully retrain my brain, up to me now. Why do you always seem to get delays at hospital, I would be telling them, in a nice way, to try harder. Do you think how you felt last night was because of RT i would have thought being weekly your gy dose was high. Mention every side effect at next RT to radiographers they can often help. I have no plans. nothing at all till Monday at 2pm, Sheila away with her kids, so i can do whatever i want/can, how about you, anything you fancy doing. Eddie xx

Good morning. No lol my morphine dose is not 25ml, sorry. I can take no more than 20ml in a day. But upon receiving it a few weeks ago I've only had the need to use it 3 times. That's great that you had a wonderful time at Maggies and even better that you found out you had a mutual friend with the two ladies there, that's ace. What a small world. Glad you baked with your friend too. I hope your friend is feeling better and able to do more. Did you bake something good? I have  no idea why there is always delays at the hospital, maybe I'm just unlucky. On times I have gone to hospital they do seem rather stressed, one of the nurses told me the problem being people off sick. I've not felt too good at all with radiotherapy, well if it is that, Im presuming it is. And yes, they advised they were going to give me it every day for 1 week but then decided on a larger dose once a week for 6 weeks. I've had pain, different than usual, sharp stabbing pain and in places I've not had it before. I've had nausea and fatigue. Although, yesterday the nausea left me and I actually had something to eat and today the pain isn't as bad as it has been. Fingers crossed I'm going to feel better up until round 2 next Thursday. How was you when you had it?? So. unfortunately I've not been able to do much at all. Just rest and be a complete bore lol Hopefully that will change today, the sun is shining. What news have you for me?

Morning Marie, good to hear your not on a 25ml morphine dose and using it sparingly, Maggies is great, no more groups so will only pop in to see friends or talk to a nurse if needed though they do an ongoing with cancer group "terminals" i may do. My baking friend is much better, see her most days to help her as she will need support for some time yet, we made a few quiche's. Delays in hospital are to be expected during the flu season as i think the guidelines for the flu jab are, highly recommended and not compulsory and with all the people they see every day it's inevitable, I would agree with you thinking RT is behind how you feel and hopefully round 2 may not be so bad as you body will know what to do next time, Marie my RT was 20 fractions and 70 gy's so slightly different to yours and i had hormone therapy too. RT made my bladder issues worse for a time and had intimacy issues too. which you can read about on The Cancer Chat Forum on the "sex and cancer" thread. I also lost body hair, very dry skin, fatigue and occasional stabbing pains and a hot feeling in my lower abdomen, no nausea though still i often don't eat enough some days and hardly ever feel hungry. I  hope you get out today, should be good for you fresh air, sunshine and a little exercise, As Sheila has taken her family to Cambridge, i wasn't invited, i went to the recycling centre yesterday 4 times, and went out with Mandy, my oldest friend, not her age, for dinner. Today allotment with family as soon as the dog has had hr bath, PS have you seen how many views our posts get, Say hi to Dave for me, take care.

Eddie