Telling grown up children

Dear

 I think before you reveal your diagnosis/prognosis to family members it’s important that you have worked through how you feel about things and are also in a position to be able to answer basic questions around disease progression etc.  I think by taking this approach you can take some of the sting out of what will be a painful conversation. There is a tendency amongst loved ones to not want to except the reality of what you are telling them and suggest things which are unrealistic. It’s only because they care but when you are trying to come to terms with your situation it’s not always helpful. I am 20 months on from a incurable diagnosis so can testify that acceptance is a process both for the patient and family members and it can’t be rushed. I highly recommend your local maggies centre if you have one for support and information. And of course you can come here to forum at any time to share your experiences.

Thanks, very helpful

Hi

So sorry to hear this. I was able to tell one of our grown up sons in person, but the other one was at uni in the middle of finals, so I put it off as long as possible. I told him by Skype after a visit had been snowed off. The thing that helped them the most was that I looked and felt well.

By the time I spoke to them there was a treatment plan in place, and as said I'd had time to get my own head around the diagnosis and prognosis to some extent, so that the language had lost some of the shock value.

I said they could speak to a Macmillan nurse if that would help, let them see the information I'd been given and come with me to appointments to see how good the care was.

It most definitely is a process. I discovered after a hospital admission resulted in a DNR being put in place that they had no recollection of some of the things we'd discussed in the early days.

Best of luck.

Hi Aggiemay,

It's 13 months since my diagnosis. I elected a family member to call my son who also lives abroad. Like Johnty said, initially and even now, family members may appear to reject the news. It's overwhelming to them, so it takes time to process what it really means to us (the patients) and our loved ones. Personally, I exhausted myself these months trying to answer their questions, and even when I do, some still can't take it in. I look OK too, and I think this confuses people. Take all the time you want to digest your diagnosis. It is a slow process. Be gentle with yourself. I hope this helps.

Kate x