'nature' s' healing ways

Hi mj

I know what you mean about work colleagues seeming uncaring, last year when I was still working I spoke with my boss about getting a replacement to take over from me as I knew I couldn’t carry on for much longer and my role as account manager involved a lot of different aspects to the job, anyway it was agreed I would stay on for 3 months while I shown her the ropes then would leave but after a couple of months she was doing ok so I said I would just come in 2 days a week for a bit longer in case she needed me for anything but could tell she didn’t seem happy with me still being around and she explained that she didn’t feel if she was in charge while I was around though I could understand her thinking it hurt to feel I was no longer required so in a fit of pique I said I would work from home until my 3 months was up and still get paid and left her to it

I don’t think work colleagues or management can never fully appreciate what we go through or if they feel uncomfortable being around someone with cancer and don’t know how to relate to you anymore 

As to oxygen it was only delivered Monday so still trial and error at moment while I get used to using it, my nurse is popping in on Wednesday to see how I’m getting on with it

So pleased your anger had passed this morning and you had something to cheer you up, it’s been so cold and gloomy last couple of days here be glad when we get some sunshine and warmer weather back

Take care and keep as well as you can

Love Margaret 

Hi Margaret 

Lovely to hear from you. 

Oh my goodness what a horrible way to end your working life. I do agree there are people who do not know how to behave towards a colleague with cancer. I don't know why we cannot just be treated as 'normal'. It is their fears that lead them to behave so badly. I like to think l have always behaved with courtesy and respect towards colleagues with cancer and my relationship with them never changed. What an unfeeling way to treat you and without any thought as to how this could affect you. Not working we now have the time to mull over these unpleasant experiences. It is hard sometimes to not be overwhelmed by their thoughtlessness and negativity. Good for you working out your resignation period on your terms. Not sure l wouldn't have been very unladylike with rude hand gestures knowing they couldn't sack me!

I do hope you are beginning to feel the benefit of the home oxygen. Do you have an ambulatory one you can use whilst out? I have seen ones carried in a rucsac and not sure how carrying this extra weight could affect your mobility. I am always better in the summer months as it sounds daft the weight of winter clothes affects my mobility. To go out without a coat makes such a difference to my breathlessness. Hope your meeting with your nurse goes well. Take good care x

Hi Margaret and m-j

I am sad to hear how colleagues treated you. That’s so thoughtless. I guess people just don’t think. Or don’t know or can’t imagine - so they don’t. And honestly, I wouldn’t wish the knowing on them as you can’t know what it’s like until you’ve been here so if they could imagine then they would be here. And I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Not that that excuses being kind. Would it have been so hard to be kind? Always be kind. 

But to hear how nature heals is wonderful. On that note, I was out on Sunday to see the bluebells. There are spectacular bluebell woods near where I live. It’s early days but the first flush is there. Deepest blue, so blue they almost sing, and above them the lime green of newly unfurled beech leaves. Alongside I spotted wood anemones (nearly over), wood sorrell with its delicate white bells, lesser celandine, cranes bill, violets, dandelions, wild garlic just beginning to flower and ladies smock with its pretty pale pink spikes of flowers. Spring is here. Omelettes with wild garlic leaves for lunch. 

With love to you both 

xxx

Bother. Done it again. Haven’t been able to see this post was in end of life sub group until after I posted. Sorry! 

Xxx

Dear MJ,

They know not what they do. They might have thought you too frail, nothing else. But I know a proper good bye dinner would have been the right thing for them was to invite you with love.

My Philosophy is that I only have time for 5 close worthy friends;  people that are unworthy are just wasting your precious time. You have your Community here, and perhaps you can find worthy- like minded people in local book clubs or in common activities.  Do not be shy, look for the worthy ones  locally and digitally they are there.

Hope the O2 is working for you.

Warmest regards.

Millie

Hi Daloni

No worries your contribution is really appreciated. 

At times l have felt dealing with people's lack of empathy etc is an extra hurdle at a time when l was/am vulnerable. I wish there was a solution more so now l am end stage as my account of Saturday highlights.

Perhaps we should ask Macmillan to do a campaign based on our collective experiences in other words educate the public how to respond and how to help a work colleague, a friend or a family member when they receive a cancer diagnosis and not forgetting when they get a reoccurrence. 

Thanks x

Hi m-j

I think that is an extremely good idea. I think it was there in the last Macmillan adverts - the ones that included a friend with cancer is still a friend. But the message isn’t getting through. 

Xx

Hi Millie

Thanks for joining in and sharing your thoughts. Lovely idea l would have actually been happy with an invite out of friendship or even gratitude for volunteering my free time over the last 5 years. To not be invited was hurtful.

 Interesting thought you raise about 'precious time' .To be honest l haven't thought about how my time now is precious. Think knowing it is now limited l have actually blocked it out and do not restrict invitations. I go on the premise if l am having a good day l go if l am struggling with breathing difficulties and poor mobility l don't go.Being on my own invitations to social events are important otherwise l am doing a 'Shirley Valentine' and talking to the walls!!

Thank you.... You have raised an important issue l need to rethink as l am noticing it takes me longer to recover from a social outing and why knock myself out for people who do not value me or the effort l have made. I am finding it hard to be selfish as l have never really put myself first and you have made me realize l need to and that 'my' time is precious.

Thanks for ideas of where to make new friends x