It's been 2 years since I was diagnosed with Kidney cancer, and was swiftly treated within a month of diagnosis (surgery). I've not had or needed treatment since, it was a one and done kind of deal. Living with only one kidney has honestly been fine - i've barely noticed a lifestyle difference really. I'd definitely say i'm very, very fortunate in this regard, and I count my blessings daily.
Still, I am suffering with an unexpected mental health issue.
I am 29 years old now, I was 27 when I got the cancer - extremely young for the rare type that I got. We still don't really know if it's completely gone or not, it was on the cusp of spreading so i'm being kept under watch with yearly scans. But here's hoping i've got a full and long life ahead of me.
Despite all of that, i've become obsessed with time, or rather, the depletion of it.
Every day I sit here thinking of how I am wasting my time if i'm not making the most of every single moment. The problem is, I don't always have the energy or motivation (depression & adhd) to go do that. So it's become a sore topic with myself. Not only that, I agonise over my friends and family and how I should spend as much time with them as possible while I am still here. This is both in terms of my life and my situation too, as I am moving to America soon and will deeply miss them all. It's starting to affect my decision to move - which is all being done so I can live with my husband, who lives over there. I start to think of the time i'm losing away from family, more than the amazing opportunity it is to go and have an adventure in a different country with my partner. Sometimes the anxiety gets so bad I get a sort of Decision Paralysis and end up not doing anything at all, which makes me feel even worse.
After the cancer, I had several months of truly appreciating my life and loving every minute. Now it seems like its gone too far in that direction.
Has anyone else had or is experiencing this sensation? How do you cope with it? Do you have tips on how to manage it and learn to relax?
Thank you for reading, and I hope you are taking care and have a wonderful rest of your day.
Hi CookieHoarder I was diagnosed with a very rare incurable blood cancer back in 1999 then in late 2013 a second very aggressive type of rare blood cancer came along…… so I had 2 years full n treatment.
The main thing I keep in mind is that I can’t let the uncertainty of the future define me and my family……. We define how we live and we live in the moment.
As for going to the US…… we have always told our 2 girls and family to go for their dream….. life is short not to do it ((hugs))
This is the paper that Sophie66 highlighted…..
After Treatment Finishes - Then What? by Dr Peter Harvey as it highlights the post treatment milestones.
