I’m finding it hard to move on?

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Morning everyone I’m finding it hard to move on, get back to normal? What ever that is? I was diagnosed with lung cancer the 18th of December 2022 had radiotherapy in March 2023 had scan in June and got the all clear, I’ve had cancer 3 times ( women’s problem down below, breast cancer and lung cancer) and I’ve received treatment and always been given the all clear. But I can’t move forward and I don’t know why? I’ve lost my identity that’s how I feel I feel cancer has totally destroyed me I feel like as if I’m hanging on to it? I feel as if I won’t let it go? It’s as if I’m keeping it alive? I don’t understand. My lung cancer and treatment has made my copd and emphysema much worse I feel I’m in automatic pilot, smiling at everyone because that’s what you do, but underneath I’m screaming and I can’t understand why? I think I’m cracking up I think I’m going crazy I’ve had depression and anxiety all my life I went to my doctors 3 weeks ago as my mental health is suffering, doctor changed my medication so I’ve only been on new medication for my mental health for 3 weeks, I’m convinced my cancer will come back it’s just a question of when and where ? I can’t move forward I’ve lost ME? I just want energy, to be full of life and happiness again and I feel so guilty for feeling like this when there’s loads of poor people with cancer who are suffering and I know they would give anything to have my results to be in my position so why can’t I feel brilliant love Yvonne take care everyone xx

  • Hi everyone I’ve received a lot of information from McMillan I would like to say thank you, I was having a very bad day the other day and I got in touch with McMillan and the lady I spoke to helped me so very much and has sent me lots of information love Yvonne xx

  • Hi  I left your post to see if some of the group members would pick up on it…….as I did not want to jump straight in.

    But we’ll done you in getting in contact with our services…… moving on with life actually takes ‘us’ to take the first steps so good that you were rewarded with some helpful information. 

    Have you access locally to in person meetings……… like a local-ish Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing or check this link for any Local Macmillan Support in your area as there is nothing better sitting with a cup of brew and having chat……. but this group is always here as a second best ((hugs))

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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  • Hi Yvonne

    I am glad that you have found support from Macmillan and are now feeling a bit more positive. You've been through a lot no wonder you are feeling down.

    I know what you mean about cancer taking over your life. I feel like that at times too. I have had 3 occurrences of jaw cancer over the years (2013,2019,2022)and had 3 large ops and 2 lots of radiotherapy at different times.I have just had a jaw reconstruction op and am getting on quite well with that.  I am currently cancer free. Every time a new cancer appeared I felt disappointed. It does seem like cancer defines aspects of my life particularly around eating. It has also changed my appearance although not too badly and has affected my speech but again not too badly.

    After feeling sorry for myself and getting rather down I came through and decided that I would move on and do as much as I could within my ability. I decided that sitting around was such a waste of my life as I had been given a second and third chance. It took me a while to get to this point but now I have a busy and happy life. I volunteer at my local library and help look after my grandchildren regularly. I am planning a trip away with my husband. This will take a bit of careful planning as I have to work around my eating issues but I will get there. It has taken a while for me to accept that my life has changed and I will be like this for the rest of my life but acceptance is half the battle.

    I do wish you all the best and hope that you can see light at the end of the tunnel. Could you make a few short term plans as something to look forward to always helps. You say you put on a good front for your family and friends and as they say ‘fake it till you make it’ and I know you will.

    Best wishes