Outlook in life

Hi Crazycow and welcome to this corner of the community. Anyone who navigates a cancer journey and comes out the other end can never ever be seen as a fraud so drop that millstone that you are dragging around.

Over my 24+ years living with and being treated for my very rare incurable blood cancer I have yet to meet someone who would not admit that they have had to reevaluate their life and what they see as being important for them and for them to move life on.

I was diagnosed when I was 44….. I turned 67 last Nov and over these 24 years I have achieved so much and seen my family develop and expand…… and we are looking forward to planning our 45th wedding anniversary next year.

The simple mindset my family and I have adopted was that my cancer would not define us…… we would define life and how we live.

Yes I have an incurable cancer but my last treatment was Oct 2015 and I achieved remission in Sep 2016 so we live life to the full and look for my cancer to keep sleeping for a lot longer.

Hi Crazycow

I think that it is often a common theme to re-evaluate your life after living through such a traumatic incident such as cancer. It makes you realise that you are not immortal and that life is not to be wasted. It shakes you out of your complacency. I know I wake up every morning thankful to still be here and looking forward to the day. I have had 3 occurrences of cancer over the years and each time have decided to get on with that bucket list and not put it off. I have had some fantastic holidays and welcomed 5 grandchildren into my life. I have had some experiences that I would not have thought about before. My daughter took me quad biking on Kangaroo Island and jet boating down the Shotover River in New Zealand. (i live in Australia) Make a list of the things you want to achieve and then experience them together with your husband. Things are enjoyed much more when you can share them with someone.

Enjoy life and live it to the full.

Best wishes

Lyn

Hi,  I had breast cancer and surgery in March.  After surgery I didn't need any further treatment like yourself as it hadn't spread to any lymph nodes.  I was OK initially,  but am finding it hard now as I feel at a cross roads with which way I want my life to go. My priorities have definitely changed.  Id love to spend more time with My partner but he doesn't enjoy the same hobbies as me so I find myself going off with friends more often. I'm really confused about everything.  Finding it a real struggle at the moment. 

Hi Smiley

You're right your priorities definitely change after a life changing experience such as cancer. Others do not always understand this as they are still walking on the same path whereas yours has taken a big deviation to theirs. That doesn't mean that your path will not cross over with theirs again. Take your time to work through things and don't make any sudden decisions about any aspect of your life unless it is something that you have wanted to change for a long time.

A long term relationship always takes work even when you have not gone traumatic time. There are always ups and downs. My husband and I have been married 44 years now and definitely have our ups and downs. We have definite differences in what we like to do. He loves op shopping and shopping in general, I prefer walking through botanical gardens, being out and about in nature and gardening. Over time we have come to a compromise. We go out together regularly and sometimes I chose where we are going and sometimes he does. When we are on holidays I go to the op shops with him and he goes to the botanical gardens with me. We have a pact that we will not complain about it but just enjoy it. We also go out separately doing the things we enjoy without feeling any guilt as we then get back together and compare notes.

Before we retired we used to make Sunday our day together and would go out. We never made any other arrangements on Sunday it was our day. Now we are both retired things are more fluid but we still go out together regularly but we are not joined at the hip.

The secret is communication,talking to each other,compromise and making time for each other. There must be something you and your partner enjoy together, build on that. It might just be going out for a coffee together as a starting point. Is there a joint project that you can work on? It doesn't have to be anything major, just washing the car together.

You can still enjoy going out with your friends and work on enjoying going out with your partner as well. The starting point is a discussion to work out how to reconnect and make some plans together.

Sending you my very best wishes.

Lyn