Don't feel like I deserve to be unhappy

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I've recently had open surgery to remove what turned out to be a large mucinous ovarian cancer tumour. I'm incredibly lucky that it was caught early (stage 1a) and it was only found within the ovary that was removed and not in any of the other biopsies. 

I should be happy that I've been treated and don't need any further treatment at the moment. I haven't had to go through chemo or radio, I can still have another baby (hopefully), I didn't have to deal with the ordeal of knowing I had cancer and waiting for treatment. 

I can't help reading all the stories on this forum, and thinking I don't deserve to be on here. My journey has been so much easier than most. Yet I still can't shake the anxiety and numbness.

I'm not even sure I should be posting (repeatedly!) On here, it just helps to be able to get my thoughts down. 

I'm going to speak to work and try to phase my return as I think it will help distract me - I'm just worried about overdoing it as I've been signed off for 8 weeks and so far had nearly 4 weeks off. 

  • Hi  and welcome to this little corner of the Community.

    Everyone who has went through cancer treatments however small or large truly needs to be here looking for support but also giving support. The cancer journey envelops our whole being....... then once you finish treatment you are set adrift.... even although you get regular appointments you are still left to 'get on with the life'

    A good start for you and you may well find it helpful...... to make a cuppa and have a look at this great paper After Treatment Finishes - Then What? by Dr Peter Harvey as it highlights the post treatment milestones.

    I have been on my incurable blood cancer journey for over 23 years.... and have had some very challenging times (you can hit my community name to see my story)...... but I relish the fact that I eventually achieved remission back in Sep 2016...... made even more amazing in that until that date I only ever had been in remission for 9 months before having to start to treatment again.

    Talking to people face to face can be very helpful so do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area, do also check for a local Maggie's Centre as these folks are amazing and aim to give support to all the family.

    Do get back to me if you need further help or just to chat more.

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

    Community Champion Badge

  • Thank you for your kind reply. 

    I've had a look at the paper you linked and found it a very interesting read. 

    I've also had a few follow up appointments through the post and had a good chat with my GP over the last 24 hours and feel an awful lot calmer - maybe it's the feeling of having a plan and knowing what's coming next!

    I'll keep hanging around and hopefully I can help somebody else at some point too Blush

  • Hi  (Like the name) good you found the paper helpful and many folks come back and say that they think that the paper had been written just about them.

    After reading the paper I would always then challenge folks to become proactive and use the paper as a vehicle for change and life improvement.

    I always suggest you get a note book or some sheets of paper and put pen to paper.

    So a page per subject heading. Start detailing the things you have done already to move life on in each area and then start to set some achievable goals to work towards. 

    When you achieve the first goal on each lists, tick it off and then put a new goal at the bottom of the list. By doing this you can actually see your progress and celebrate achievements. When I say celebrate I do mean giving yourself treats and gifts........ you have life - celebrate it.

    The headings would be:

    What steps am I taking to regain trusts in my body?

    What steps am I taking to regain trust in myself?

    What steps am I taking to overcome living with uncertainty?

    What steps am I taking to deal with the world?

    What steps am I taking to regain mastery and control of my life?

    Try it, the future is sitting in front of you - think about driving a car. The big windscreen shows the future, the past is in the little mirrors and is getting smaller and more fuzzy as we move forward.....if you concentrate on the past you crash.

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

    Community Champion Badge