Hi all
this is the first time I’ve been on this group so bear with me. In March 2021 I was diagnosed with a rare cancer of the thymus gland and within weeks I was operated on and it all removed. I was lucky, I can’t even begin to describe how lucky I was as it was only stage 2 and I didn’t need any further treatment.
I spent the rest of 2021 recovering from the surgery and physically bounced back quite quickly but emotionally I just didn’t really talk about the whole thing. I tried counselling but never felt as though I was being understood - maybe I wasn’t as honest as I could have been with how I actually felt.
Anyway - to mark the end of a horrible year I decided to take my very complicated relationship status away for a spa weekend so I could unwind and have a break but I got horribly drunk as I felt like I couldn’t handle the situation and I was truly horrible to him. I said horrific things like he was only spending time with me again because he felt guilty that I had been so unwell, that people only cared about me because I was the cancer girl yet really the only reason why I said these things is because I’m utterly terrified that it will come back and I will have to go through this all again.
To make matters worse, he then proceeded to stay up all night to ensure I wasn’t sick in my sleep and cared for me throughout.
I feel awful that I’ve put my friends and family through this ordeal and that I take it out on them when I’m scared or confused with how to handle life after cancer.
I’m not looking for any sympathy but I just wondered if anyone else felt this fear and if there are triggers (like a new year) that set you off and how you deal with it?
Thank you
Charlotte x
Hi Charlotte CL123 and welcome to this little corner of the Community.
The cancer journey is rubbish for you and all the family. There is no handbook that gives a good understanding as to what the actual journey will be like but this is often ok as it is all controlled by our medical teams…….. the post treatment life is a different area and I am yet to find goid information.
It is all trial and error at times…… I have been on my incurable cancer journey with multiple relapse for over 22 years now and have made lots of mistakes, my family and friends have made lots of mistakes as well……. it’s a step learning curve but it’s important to keep open communication, allow for each other and forgive or ask for forgiveness when needed.
You may find it helpful to make a cuppa and have a look at this great paper After Treatment Finishes - Then What by Dr Peter Harvey as it highlights the post treatment milestones.
Talking to people face to face can indeed help a lot but during these strange times it’s not that available but do check to see if you have any Local Macmillan Support in your area has opened up. Do also check out for a local Maggie's Centre in your area.
The Macmillan Support Line is open 8am-8pm (timings may differ across services) 7 days a week on 0808 808 00 00 or via web chat. This service provides emotional support, benefits and financial guidance or just a listening ear.
Happy to chat more at any time.
