I can't get over "I'm just being silly".

Hi, I feel grateful that my cancer was caught in time during this year. From first symptoms, to fast track testing, to surgery, to recovery, everything has happened so fast. Like you, I find it hard to mentally cope with it all to be honest, but my Macmillan councillor suggested that I write my journey and thoughts/feelings down on paper. I have found this quite useful as it lets me read the events back and frees my head up a little to focus on the important things like recovery and planning to stay healthy as I embark on 5 years of monitoring.

I hope this might help you a little, and importantly, remember you arent alone in feeling as you do.

D x

Hi MildGeekery and welcome to this corner of the community.

I see you have also joined our CLL, SLL, HCL group, what type of blood cancer do you have? I was diagnosed way back in 1999 with a rare type of NHL.

The only etiquette is honestly and openness. I have been on my journey for over 22 years now so I have had plenty time to come to terms with living along side my incurable friend.

You may see that I often say make a cuppa and have a look at this great paper After Treatment Finishes - Then What? by Dr Peter Harvey as it highlights the post treatment milestones.

Hi Thehighlander - thank you so much for attaching the paper, it really helped me as I too was feeling silly and thinking Ive finished treatment so everything should be roses.  Your attachment certainly put it into context for me. 

So a huge thank you! 

Hi Mrsears, good that you found the paper helpful.

When I post the paper, folks will indeed come back to me and say that they think that the paper had been written just about them. But I would always challenge folks to become proactive after reading through it and using it as a vehicle for change and life improvement.

So get a note book or some sheets of paper and put pen to paper - it is a good way forward.

So a page per subject heading. Start detailing the things you have done already to move life on in each area and then start to set some achievable goals to work towards. 

When you achieve the first goal on each lists, tick it off and then put a new goal at the bottom of the list. By doing this you can actually see your progress and celebrate achievements. When I say celebrate I do mean giving yourself treats and gifts........ you have life - celebrate it.

The headings would be:

What steps am I taking to regain trusts in my body?

What steps am I taking to regain trust in myself?

What steps am I taking to overcome living with uncertainty?

What steps am I taking to deal with the world?

What steps am I taking to regain mastery and control of my life?

Try it, the future is sitting in front of you - think about driving a car. The big windscreen shows the future, the past is in the little mirrors and is getting smaller and more fuzzy as we move forward.....if you concentrate on the past you crash.

Thank you, funny enough I did start a journal but I allowed myself to become defeated with the reactions of everyone else assuming as the treatment was all over so 'normal business must have resumed'.

I think it may be an opportunity to take a bit of me time, me thinks!  

I noticed you said on another post that you are going to get your husband to read the paper through - this is a very good move……. and indeed for other family and friends as well. It saves you trying to explain it abd then you can turn the tables on them and ask “So does this give you an understanding about the journey I am on and what can you do to best partner me in this journey”