Anxiety

Hi Chester1995 and a warm welcome to this little corner of the Mac Community.

First, a massive well done on being 23 years out from your operation to remove your kidney.... I did have research Wilma Tumour and the main thing that stood out for me was the survival rate for this type of cancer.

I would honestly say that a very very high percentage of people in these various groups would give all they have to be in your position.

That said, the “what if’s” can be very loud between the ears.

Chester1995 said:

I actually think I am worrying myself sick. 

This is a fact, you can indeed worry yourself sick..... so my initial question is, what steps have you taken to unpack these concerns, who have you talked this through with?

I was talking to someone this morning about a conversation we had during the past year and how, when we get a cancer diagnosis we are given an invisible rucksack that we carry around during our treatments and for the rest of our lives post treatment. If we don’t do a regular clear out of the rucksack we will find everything in it will pull us down.

Life post treatment is like rebuilding a Jenga Tower.... but we don’t build it high and thine, we have to reimagine how we should do it, we need a more secure foundation, one that is wider and stronger.

Tell us a little more about your steps over the years as with this we may be able to help more.

Fir some understanding you can hit group members names to see our cancer stories.

Looking forward to talking more ((hugs))

Hi! Thankyou for that it did help, and made me realise I am very lucky and in a good position.

I am not usually good at talking about these things I admit, yes I should open up more. 

Over the years I have had regular check ups in the late effects clinic, it was once a year but has been changed to every 2 years, another positive thing!

I did see a councillor about this a few years ago and have been fine for a while until a couple of months ago.

I also think this whole pandemic has affected me a lot, and everything just got on top of me. Not working so much more time sat in the house with my thoughts. 

My family are great, however I know they worry about me probably more than I do, again the slightest sign of illness and I see the worry in my family, especially my mum. So this does make it  harder to talk about it, I don't want them to worry.

Thanks for the advice about clearing out the rucksack! That makes a lot of sense :) 

Hi again, it is indeed good to talk and even if it’s only putting some words down on a screen it will help as we all get this.

The onslaught of the pandemic has indeed raised the anxiety levels for a lot of people and even now, up in Scotland we are back into lockdown from midnight tonight.

I am 5 years out from my last treatments but still classed as being in the COVID Extremely Vulnerable Group (Shielding)..... but I refuse to let this dictate living life, a life that I have fought very hard to be still living.

Indeed back in 1999 when I was first diagnosed I was told my rare condition was incurable, yes treatable but I would never be in remission........ zoom forward 17 years of treatment I was told in September 2016 that I was in remission for the first time ever.

Yes my condition can relapse and due to the years of skin treatment (hit my name to have a look) I am very likely to develop skin cancer....... but again I refuse to be dictated by this. I refuse to live looking back over my shoulder.

I see the cancer journey to be like a climb up a craggy Scottish Mountain.

These Mountains have well trodden paths with little cairns (stones on stones) put up by the many folks who have walked these paths before us.

At each cairn the path divides in two - these are the points of decision - like..... How we deal with side effects.....? The mental and physical challenges.....!! The picking our selves up 'again' times......!! It’s scan time again....!! How can we move on...?

We do have to look very carefully at where each track will take us. Do we knuckle down and tough it out and keep climbing up or do we take the low path and keep going round the hill and not reaching the summit...... not seeing that view for the first time.

When you look at the cairns they are always just on the tracks that will lead to the top. So each stone that is put on the cairns is a "yes we can do this" decision......... keep putting the stones on the 'yes' cairns....... and every now and then have a look back down the hill and see the starting point and all the little cairns on the paths you have taken. The further you move on, the past looks very small and fuzzy at the edges.

If you keep walking the low paths you will see stones left at the side of the track where that hope and dream were lost.

Thankyou so much, and thanks for taking the time to read and listen to me :) 

I wish you all the very best you've been a big help