Hello,
Not sure how to do this if there's a right way or wrong but ill start off at the beginning I got diagnosed at 31 with breast cancer its was stage 2 grade 3, I underwent a mastectomy, chemotherapy, radiotherapy and 2 surgeries for reconstruction the last one been less than a month ago, from the moment I got diagnosed I kept telling myself it won't be forever everything that came with the surgeries the chemo, rads etc I kept telling myself deal with it when its over focus on the day to day I pushed everything to the back of my mind I just dealt with the day to day. Ever since my first reconstruction surgery or maybe even before if I'm honest absolutely everything came screaming to the fore front of my mind all the emotions I decided not to acknowledge at the time some days I'm right back there in the room with the specialist when he's telling me my diagnosis or I'm feeling the pain in my finger tips the absolute agony of the throbbing from the chemotherapy or the pain in my calfs when it felt like I'd walked miles when in fact it was yards I don't get the pain but emotionally its like I'm right back there tearing me to pieces every time, its happens all of a sudden like out of nowhere at any time its happened when I've been walking my dog, shopping and when I've been doing just every day things like cooking etc I've also found I can't listen to certain songs because they trigger me as well. I'm not sure if this is just because I got swept up in the beginning it going from 0 to 100 with surgeries etc that my feet never really seemed to hit the ground until the gap between finishing treatment to surgery that things have slowed down enough for me to process it all and if this is normal. Sorry for the long winded post. Didnt know where else to turn. Thank you.
Hi Northeastlass welcome to the forum and I am so sorry to hear about what is happening for you right now. Believe it or not what you are experiencing may not feel very normal for you, but it is very normal to feel as you do following the end of treatment etc and I had the same.
We put our heads down and get on with each bit of the treatment and I kinda had a tick list in my head for each part and then moved onto the next and I didnt have all the treatment that you have had, so you have been through a long and arduous journey and even though you are feeling fragile you have come through this.
I wonder if you have ever read an article by a Psychologist called Dr Peter Harvey called "After the treatment finishes, what next" I cant find my link to take you to this directly so if you are able to download this article and have a read I found it very enlightening when it was given to me when experiencing some of what is happening for you right now.
Its hard what has happened for you and it does leave a lasting legacy for us all in out thoughts and feelings so you are not alone nor abnormal in anyway and it does get better but it will take time to do that. Be gentle with yourself.
Im sending some huge big hugs your way for now and please do have a look and read that article I have suggested and you can let me know what you think. xxxx
gail
