Dear Friends,
It's my one year stomaversary. Had my APR surgery because of a very low small rectal tumour a year ago that resulted in a permanent stoma. Very successful, got rid of my cancer. But the operation itself was fairly traumatic and I had a huge amount of pain afterwards which was a shock. I am now physically healed up but as I have approached this one year I have had flashbacks to it and have been very tearful. Am outwardly (to friends and family) coping well and get by with finding the funny side in it all, but underneath have recently been struggling. Has anyone else experienced this?
Jane xx
Hi OldRhodie
I know how you feel.
My anniversary was 4th August and part of me wanted to mark it but another part relived the trauma of the events and telling my family.
Also there’s the scans and checks and that monster Cancer revisits the head.
Keep chatting here to others that are a little ahead. I’ve found wise words here
Take care
Ann
Yes I know but let’s do it next year. This year we are grateful for all that’s saved us but anxious about our scans etc. it’s still scary but we will put that brave face on and our big pants on for friends and family
Here we can be real
You take care and say how you feel. This is a safe spot for us anxious but understanding chat buddies
Treat yourself to something quiet. Just you. That’s what I did It was a Tankini yes not very imaginative but it could mean me swimming in a pool in Spain October which I haven’t done for three years Now that will be a celebration !
If it fits!!!
Ann
Hi OldRhodie
I can understand this completely. We feel we should be rejoicing but it’s bittersweet after what we have been through.
I always said I was fine, all was good but mentally I was really struggling, and almost a year after surgery I was in a really bad place in my head. I asked for help, and it was the best thing I could have done. Macmillan have an arrangement with Bupa where you can access 6 free counselling sessions and I was able to get this.
I was diagnosed with ptsd due to what I had gone through, and it was a chance to talk to a wonderful counsellor who was so patient and kind-I was crying in every call except the last one I think! I can thoroughly recommend this-you are talking to someone who is not personally or emotionally involved, which I found easier to do. I didn’t need to put on a brave face, and could say what I was feeling.
I’m well past my second anniversary of surgery and two stomas and for me I can say it does get easier. Every day that passes is a day further away from the trauma I went through and I’m feeling good. I can’t say fear ever completely leaves you, because it hasn’t left me entirely, but I think that’s natural for all of us who have been through cancer.
But I don’t let it rule my life because there’s too much living to be done and holidays to go on!
If you feel like you could benefit from talking things through, ring the Macmillan number in my signature. It could really help. And keep chatting in here, as we all know what this is like and you can offload your worries and talk them through.
Sarah xx
Feeling really low today.
I know I’m snappy and near tears.
Five different hospital appointments nothing dramatic but…… pre- op then oncology for research program im doing which was feel good. Stoma nurses changed product. Don’t fix what ain’t broke. Yep I’ve flared up and it’s really uncomfortable. Friday Saturday Sunday self isolation and Covid tests Monday EAU Wednesday CT and that’s the one I’m scared of.
Roll on September Im normally upbeat but with hubbys Parkinson’s and my bloody checks my happy pills aren’t working
Ann
Oh Ann
I’m sorry you’ve been having a down day-I haven’t been round today, but up now not able to sleep at 4 in the morning!
You've got a lot going on at the minute and sometimes things can get quite overwhelming for us. It doesn’t help that along with scanxiety you’ve got Whoopi issues. Everything’s just happening at once for you.
Sometimes we just need a cry, and to accept we can’t be absolutely cheery and upbeat all the time, and then sleep on it and hope for a better day tomorrow.
Upcoming scans just ramp the anxiety levels, but hopefully once that’s over you can relax and put it to the back of your mind for another while.
Sending you a virtual hug and the hope that you wake feeling brighter.
Sarah xx
Thanks Sarah. Your words gave me a hug plus the virtual one is lovely.
I am feeling sorry for myself but the Parkinson’s causes so much more distress than I realised. It’s not the tremors it’s pain discomfort and no sleep. We were up the night before last Joe falling out of bed. It’s so distressing. I worry for our future. The huge house we are living in. ( No I’m not rich.) Joe was a builder Everything is making me tearful. Like I say to others I must put my big pants on. I’m in isolation now with four LFT tests. Bet I’m positive. Ha ha see I’m a misery
Thanks again. Hope you have some rest today. Not sleeping makes the day very long. Take some power naps. Are you okay?
xx
Ann
Oh, no wonder you’re feeling down Ann. You have so much to worry about with your hubby too. I’ve just been exhausted by 2 back to back colds…negative for Covid but the first one floored us both. It’s back again and just couldn’t keep my eyes open by tea time yesterday. After not a single cold for more than 4years!
I’d been busy in the morning cleaning before the cleaner came(!) and it wiped me out. Now that I’m disabled, things take so much longer and are harder for me. Just slept all evening, then wide awake at 3am.
We are heading off to Scotland now for a couple of days to visit friends, so 5 hours in the car, but I may nap! Hope I have no bag mishaps on the way-the car is well stocked with supplies just in case!
I’ll check in when I can, but hoping you’ll feel brighter today. Take good care of yourself.
Sarah xx
That’s a good plan Katz51
I have been told in the past that my positivity can annoy people ! I worked with children for 21 yrs and they loved it. Here I feel the same that it’s appreciated. But the wells dry I’m afraid. I can’t watch the news as the world is becoming a scary place and the thought of the winter and heating the monster house. Ha ha. Well I’m cheering self up now because I have an image of me as Scrooge. One lump of coal and a candle. It’s sick but laughable.
Thanks for your kind words. This community keeps me sane xx
Ann
