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Hello,

Can I say this is an amazing site, I've been reading posts for the last week or so and the people here are so brave, it has given me support. I'm new to the site and very scared. My best friend has just been diagnosed with four tumours incl brain and bowel, I've put all the info in my profile as that seemed to be the advice from the regular contributors. I don't know what to do as I don't have much detail around his diagnosis and we can't talk often or for any length of time. The information he gives me just gets worse and worse, I've only known he has cancer for just over a week and it's gone from normal happy man bouncing through life on a positive enthusiastic note (lets just say his cup wasn't half full he always acted like it was overflowing even though he has had challenges like the rest of us) to disappearing for a week to telling me he has four tumours to he has a place in hospital for brain surgery to the cancer in his brain is inoperable and fatal. I think he is a little confused too as the biopsy hasn't been done yet and I've been told that much of the diagnosis is speculation until the biopsy gives the facts. He hasn't told me anything about any next steps in terms of paliative care.

I'm very scared as he wants me to give him time for me to be acknowledged as his friend by his family but I am not sure we have time if the prognosis is weeks or months. I rely on his texts to tell me how he is but I am acutely concious of not putting any pressure on him to see me or text me and that there is a strong possibility that he won't be able to text me as time progresses. I've no idea what sort of time frame that will be and I am terrified that there will be a time when he doesn't text me anymore and I don't know what is happening and then someone will text me to tell me he has passed away. I am currently off work and am not sure I could cope with being there at the moment. I haven't accepted he has cancer yet and my head can't keep up with the speed of what is happening. I don't think I realised how blessed my life was before this brutal disease came into it. I feel so lost and scared and he makes up 90% of my life and I can't imagine it without him. He has done so much for me. I can't sleep or eat and I just want him back safe and well. I am going out of my mind with worry. He is being very positive and tells me he is fighting it all the way. I just can't believe this is happening. Looking at the tags for bowel or brain is confusing as I don't know the detail around his cancer and so I don't know what information I am looking out for, there seems a lot of medical jargon I can't relate to. Even though the biopsy hasn't been done this all just feels like a done deal and that the journey is going to be a very short one.

I'm sorry this was such a long post and thank you for listening,

My wife and I have been to visit my father today, He is suffering with Pancreatic Cancer. Its so sad to see him so helpless! I feel so totally useless because I cannot help him. I believe he is in the last days now. Today I held him in my arms and kissed him, told him I love him.

A man who, an ex squaddie, a big man of 17stones is reduced now to a man of less than 6stones. A very smart, upstanding man, a man I am proud to call - My Father!!