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Andrew, as a retired Occupational Therapist, do get on the phone to them too, there should be a community team in your Mum's area who will quickly be able to put in all sorts of gadgets to help her be at home, though with chemo going on, she might just prefer to be looked after a bit more! that said, she will need to take extra care about the risk of infection, as chemo reduces the immune system. How are you coping? It's tough on relatives and carers, too! So do take care of yourself, the journey can be a long, rocky one and you will need to be fit to cope!

Hi jonboy, thanks for your reply. Currently they are telling my husband that the cancer is T1/G3, but they are not sure whether it is coming into his bladder from elsewhere or whether it started in his bladder the consultant said he was flummoxed.. he had a CT scan last week to try and determine exactly what is going on but am not expecting to hear anything further until the beginning of next week. we are trying to keep positive. thanks for your kind thoughts will update date as and when

Ann

Newbie. My Dad died from cancer earlier this year in March. Before 2009, we didn't even realise their was anything wrong. My Dad was complaining of not being able to eat and feeling tired and had been seeing the doctors since May 2008 but no one cottoned on that he had cancer. I graduated in uly 2008 and I've never seen him happier. We had an amazing summer 2008 with so much to celebrate. 2009 has been a horrendous year. January Dad went into hospital (wasn't able to eat anything at all), February Dad was diagnosed with cancer, March found out it was terminal (and Dad still wasn't able to eat anything), last week of March he came home, there were about just under 100 people that came to see Dad during that week - we have a big family and then theres his friends - people he had know for years. Dad wanted to see whoever wanted to see him... We tried to get everyone to be normal but he had lost so much weight and so much of his strength that feelings were betrayed. He was so strong though. He knew everything that was going on around him and was perfectly alert and of sound mind... yet people kept asking if he understood because they couldn't understand him as his voice had changed too. April was his funeral and full of numbness. May - I had to go back to Law School. June - I had exams and now I'm studying for exams that I had to postpone. I can't study... so wondering whats the point of me trying to study (apart from the fact he made me promise that I will finish my course)? I feel so confused, lost, lonely, sick, numb... which is why I'm on here.

dear jenny, im so sorry about all the things that have happened to you...and so quickly too, your dad would have wanted you to study and carry on with your studys, make him proud, but do it for yourself too, good luck, work hard, remember he would have wanted it for you, jackie x

Hello everyone,

I'm new to this and finding it all so overwhelming. Mum was diagnosed with advanced cancer last week, finding it all so difficult. Can't say more at the moment as I am too confused, worrid, upset etc.

Will try again later.

dear jeanette, im so sorry that you are upset! it is all overwhelming and you dont knw what to say or who to turn to, i know that feeling, but there are lots of good folks here ready to help and support you in any way they can, it is confusing, your head spins, come and chat when your ready, this is a place to vent how you feel rant rave, whatever, hopefully speak to you later, jackie x

Dear jeanette
So sorry that you have needed to join this site, but welcome anyway. you will find many people in a similar situation to yourself who will offer support and advice.
does your mum have a macmillan nurse assigned to her? If not, a referral from her GP wil sort it out. They are a great source of practical and emotional support.
It might help, when you feel able, to fill in some details on your profile - as few or a s many as you like, it doesn't matter. You won't have to keep repeating yourself - have a look at mine if you wish, i used it as a diary which helped me a lot, but you don.t have to do that.
If you go to the left side of the page and 'search by tags, follow the links to 'lung' and you will find others who are dealing with the same cancer.It might be worth posting there.
All your emotions sound all too familiar; everyone here has been touched by the big C in one way or another, either as patients, relatives, friends or carers, and will relae to how you are feeling. Please don't hold back when you are posting; you need to let it out somewhere, and you will get the suport here. It has been a lifeline for many of us.
sue x

Dear Jenny Law

I really can't imagine how you're feeling right now but your story told of a happy family torn apart by this cruel illness. Things seemed to happen very quickly for your Dad but I am impressed that he still found the drive to say 'Goodbye' to his friends and family. Dignified is the word that springs to mind. I'm sure you feel very proud of him.

As for getting on with your own life, well, if only it were that easy. Bravo for jumping back up into the saddle and continuing with your studies and exams. Who knows? Maybe the distraction will have some therapeutic effect, if only in the short term.

I have prostate cancer. I feel OK but am tormented by the thought that one day I might unwittingly cause my loved ones some hurt. It's a funny thing, but if anything were to happen to me, I'd be much happier if I thought that those I left behind could quickly return to 'normality' (whatever that is), enjoying and making the most of their own lives in a way that I couldn't. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say in my clumsy way.

As for feeling confused, lost, lonely, sick, numb, well I DO know how that feels, albeit for slightly different reasons. Suffice it to say that the 'lonely' feeling should be the one we tackle first of all. Remember where we are, Jenny, and feel free to tell us how you're feeling as time ticks by.

I hope that in time your own hurt will lessen. No need to rush. The way you feel horrid ...but is also quite normal I think. Take good care of yourself.

Keith