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FormerMember
FormerMember
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Whether you’re here to talk to others, join a group, ask questions or just listen, everyone is here to offer emotional and practical support to help you with your cancer journey.

We know it can sometimes be confusing when you first arrive, with lots of forums and groups to choose from. So this thread is to welcome you, make friends and help you find your way around the site. Whether you are a patient, family member, friend or a carer, feel free to post any thoughts or questions here and other Share users will be happy to help you navigate around the site and find what you are looking for.

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Chellifar

    Well now you have found this site, you are not alone. I am so sorry that you are feeling lost, but I can understand it, if you have not had emotional support. I'm horrified that you have attended all your appointments on your own, I think everyone needs to have someone with them. The trouble is, sometimes we create a "persona" for ourselves, and others, get so used to it, they never see past it. If we keep up the pretense that we are eternally in control and absolutely capable no-one is aware that we have the same fears & emotions as everyone else does. I know this from painful experience. I too was once the one everyone else in both families, my husband's and my own relied on and counted on. And I have to admit I liked the role. But not anymore! I have had to climb down off my little pedestal and admit to being scared, afraid, lonely, unsure etc etc. Not because I have cancer because thankfully I dont. Its my husband who is ill.
    I'm so glad that your treatment has been successful and that you are in remisssion. Now you are physically on the mend, you need to sort out the emotional stuff.

    You have obviously coped with all that has been thrown at you, but are now emotionally drained and worn out. I think perhaps you need to go to those closest to you and tell them honestly how empty & lonely you are feeling. I am sure they will rally round at once. Its probably just never occurred to them because they are so used to you being in control. Do you think some counselling may help you too? I think you need lots of pampering and TLC now. If you contact Macmillan, they can perhaps get you some complementary therapies like reflexology or aromatherapy and some one to one counselling, but more than that you need to let your family know how you are feeling.
    Keep posting on here too, you will make friends and get lots of support. I think it helps everyone to "talk" with others who are going through the same problems. I hope you can contact other patients on here, who you can relate to and chat to. Consider filling in your profile and a short biography. It helps people to respond to you, and saves you keep repeating yourself. There is also another topic board that might be useful called" Living beyond Cancer"

    Wishing you all the best, and sending love & hugs HarryB x x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hi HiennreiteB, Im schocked. I didnt expect a reply from anyone. I'm so sorry about your husband. Keep your chin up hun. you sound like a very strong woman. You are the kind of person everybody needs on there side. Sorry to sound so pathetic. Guess I'm feeling sorry for my self. can't help it though. You are right though. people put you on a pedestal just to knock you off. I'm sorry I sounded so pathetic with what you and your husband are going through but thank you for your kind words. My god I hope you all the best.
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi I am new on here, my mum has just gone into a hospice in Hampshire after being diagnosed with cancer in her spine - this after being given the all clear after having lung cancer in the summer. My mum who lives near me in Scotland had gone down to visit my sister for Xmas when the back pain she had been suffering for a few weeks turned out to be more than a sore back. It is now unlikely that mum will ever come home and I am finding it really tough as she has always been around. I've been down to visit but the feeling as I was leaving was not nice. Just wondered if anybody has any words of advice or similar stories.

    Cheers
    Gary



  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Gary,

    I am so sorry to hear about your mum. Its horrible when you think you have finally beaten something, only to learn that you haven't. I'm sure you all feel devastated by this news. However, people can live a long time with secondary cancer in their bones, so I am wondering why you feel your mum wont be getting home to Scotland? It would help greatly, if you could fill in your profile and open it to view, as it may help people to get a clearer picture and it will also save you keep repeating yourself.

    How old is your mum? Is she in the hospice permanently, or is this a temporary care measure? Sorry to ask all these questions, its just so I can understand your situation. It must be awful being so far away from her. Is there other family with you in Scotland? It must be more difficult to keep positive when you are not with her, I hope you have others nearby.
    This site is great for support, because we all need to talk about how we are feeling, so I hope you will post again, with a bit more information.
    Sending you hugs & prayers
    HarryB x x



  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Thanks HarryB - my mum is 80 this year and the hospice is seen as being a temporary measure at the moment (my sister lives a few hundred yards from the hospice) and the plan is that she will move to my sisters. Through discussions with consultants, nurses and family it was thought that a move home would be unlikely. I am the only member of my family still up in Scotland (with my wife and daughters).
    I visited mum last week but since coming home I feel i should be near her - I'm still not back at work because I cant seem to concentrate on even the simplest task. Booked up to fly back down in a couple of weeks when my brother from Australia is coming over - will get round to filling in profile promise x
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hi, Henrietta B,

    Thankyou for your kind words. I appreciate the support. This is the first time i've been so close to someone with this dreadful illness, so i am a bit lost and only know what my friend has told me and what I have read. I know everyone is different! I do visit her daily and help her in any way I can, She was in pain yesterday in her shoulder and down her left side. everyday seems to be different for her. She is not due to see her oncologist for another 3 weeks, I do hope she is honest with her as at the moment she doesn't seem to be saying much. Then again maybe my friend would rather not know. I've heard that you won't be told unless you ask. Is this true? I am there for her but its heart wrenching to see her so poorly she used to be the life and soul of the party and she was never in, always out dancng and socialising. Once again thanks for your support and lots of love

    Mare 70 xxx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi again Mare

    Its true that doctors don't always give a prognosis if the patient doesn't seem to want to know. However, if they really think that they are not taking it all in, and think they may have things to sort out, I think they do generally try tell them. They like relatives or friends to be with them, so I hope your friend isn't going to her appointments alone. Sometimes, I think they may send the Macmillan nurse around to talk to them. Its a difficult one isn't it? Does she have family who will go with her?

    If she is in pain, plese encourage her to get in touch with her Macmillan nurse who an sort out pain relief for her.

    Yes it is heartwrenching to see someone so ill, and I'm glad she has a good friend near.

    Love & hugs HarryB x x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hi HarryB,
    Lovely to hear from you again. my friend takes her sister with her now to her appointments. I have spoken to her and all she says is that she has had a good 2 years since diagnoses. I really should ask her outright if she knows anymore. I asked my friend yesterday what she thought brought the pain on and she said she didn't know. I'm sure she thnks if she rests she will get better! She has been taking steriods which stop today. Do you know why she has been given these? Thank you for your advice with cancerebackup it did help.

    Thanks again for your support
    Mare 70 xxxx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Mare

    My husband has just been prescribed steroids. They are usually given to cut down inflammation, to reduce sickness and increase appetite. There may be other reasons as well that I am not aware of. People with cancer are sometimes given a short strong course, then are gradually weaned off by reducing the dosage. Long term they can give a lot of unpleasant and unwanted side effects, but short term they can be beneficial for a little while.

    Glad to know your friend has her sister with her when she goes for appointments. A second pair of ears really does help! The patient themselves never seems to take things in quite the same. I hope you can make the most of the time you have left with your friend. I'm sure she must appreciate the interest & care you show.
    Love HarryB x x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Garry,

    I can fully understand your lack of concentration. Its very difficult with something like this on your mind and I know you must be really concerned about your mum. I hope you and your brother get to spend some good time with her soon. Its good that she hopes to move to your sisters as although she is not at home in Scotland, at ;least she will be with family who can care for her. Encourage your sister to get in touch with Macmillan as they will be a great source of help and support once she has your mother with her, and they will also help with any benefits, if she needs more help.

    Love Harryb x