New to Share? Come and say hello!

Hey Garymac, I know exactly how you feel. My circumstances are a little bit different from yours but I think we both feel the same way. My Dad died not that long ago with throat cancer. While I was nursing my Dad I found out I also had cancer. My main concern was my Dad so I put my illness on hold not because I felt some duty to my Dad but because I loved him very much. Eventually I had to give in and have my sickness dealt with which meant I couldn't be there for my Dad. He understood. I was there when my Dad died. He squeezed my hand. Your Mam knows you love her very much. We all have our own lives to lead, commitments,distance, it can,t be helped. It doesn't matter whether your there or not. What matters is that you care. x

HELLO i am new to this so please bear with me is there anyone out there that can reply to let me know if i have reached you ok

HI Cripsy Sue,
You got through ok to the site - well done. I've been using it for just over a year now. I hope you find as much support as I have. Take care. L xx

Hi Lindaanne
Thank-you for replying to me however as I am new to this sort of chatting I am not sure what happens when I am waiting for someone to reply do I just stay on the page and the reply just comes underneath my message, or do I need to refresh the page, as when I got your reply I had gone back to the beginning and then come back to the page again.
Hope you can understand this as I would like to start chatting to people I have just lost my husband he had liver secondry cancer.
thanks S

Dear s, hello, sorry you had to come here, but you have come to the right place, there are lots of people on here ready to give support, its fantastic, when you have posted something, make a note of where you have posted, then you can browse other sites, then go back after a little while to see if you have any responses, usually others are very good at responding quickly, and are very helpful with advice, its a bit scary when you first start posting, being unsure that you are doing it right, but you will learn as you go along, my condolences to you losing your hubby, how are you? jackie x

Hi, I'm new today and am feeling very upset due to my Mums diagnosis of lung cancer and her beahaviour. I am being supportive with hospital visits, cleaning, shopping etc (she is 72) but she is so angry and only seems to take it out on me. Our relationship has always quite been strained as she is a very difficult lady and is obviously this has become worse as she is very scared for her future now. I could not be there when she was diagnosed so do not know the full extent of the illness either, she will not talk about it to anyone and is adament that it must be kept a secret, even from the rest of the family. Is this reaction normal? Does anyone have any ideas on how to handle this? I tried to tell her how she was making me feel with her nasty comments and the 'keeping it all secret' but she just turned it around (as always) with 'you don't know how i feel, this is not about you etc' I know that, but feel powerless to do any more. I don't want to fall out with her but her comments are very hurtful and make me not want to go round but underneath i know she needs me. it's almost as if she is pushing me away even more when she needs me the most. She hasn't got many friends and complains of loneliness. What can i do?

Dear melk1963, hi, im sorry you hd to come to this site, but as i said to sue in my earlier post, this is the right place to come to, there are many people here on site, that will support you, and guide you in the right direction, im sorry this has happened to your mother, she must be feeling very isolated, and frightened. i dont really know what to say to help you, perhaps you could have a word with the hospital staff, about the situation, better still a mac nurse would be better, ask the person in charge, they should put you in touch, failing that, you can chat to macmillan, send them an email or chat on line. there are many ways in which people can help you, have you ever heard the saying "you always hurt the one you love" this is how i think your mum is with you, i dont really think she means to upse you at all, its just her way, try looking around site, see what you come up with, thinking of you jackie xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks Jackie, I did ask the chemo nurse for inofrmation but she said she couldn't give me any details without mums permission, would this be the case with her consultant also? I have throught about trying to get an appointment with him. xx

Dear melk1963 I'm new too but in a similar situation to you. my mum was diagnosed with malignant melanoma in her sinuses before christmas. when we were referred to her oncologist he spoke in very general terms because he knew it had already started to spread and he was only offering radiotherapy as palliative care. when she went with my sister to make her radiotherapy appointment i nipped back to him and asked if i could see him alone. the nurse said the same thing that he probably wouldn't speak to me without mum but God bless him he did see me and give me the true picture of her condition. however i must add my mum is 95...yes 95! and does not really understand what is happening to her. she isn't senile or anything but you have to be very straight with her to make sure she gets it. i appreciated that he wasn't like that as i couldn't see the point. I'm sorry i'm probably rambling a bit now. her radiotherapy seems to have gone ok but she now has a chest infection ( or could it have spread to her lungs) and she is sleeping a lot (the cancerr or just getting old?)
It is this that is getting to me. Not knowing where this thing is going. i suppose i read something into every new discomfort she has because i'm so afraid that she will suffer. thanks for letting me write this its brought a lot of feelings to the surface. anyjo