Are friends and family ever enough?

FormerMember
FormerMember
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Andrew, who began this thread, sadly died in September 2008, but his friends wished that his thread remain open in his memory, particularly to promote Andrew's idea of 'dancing away cancer' each Friday at 3pm. Please feel free to post your dance tunes every Friday in his memory.


Macmillan admin


Hello everyone,

this is my topic to start and its a question that has been burning around the back of my mind for the last few days.

I always thought that having a small group of very close friends was enough for anyone, ok you always have work colleagues and other acquaintances but the main group of my friends has remained within a steady little group of five people for nigh on the last twenty years. We have shared almost, if not all, of what life can show you over that period and nothing has every served to tear us very far apart for long.

There have always times when partners/other friends/own family have been more important to us and always been times when we are more important to each other and perhaps have taken some of this for granted and assumed that it will always be thus. I have reached the opinion that I have for certain.

Then you get cancer! Things change I suppose but I have cancer and all of a sudden things are important to me that weren't before and they have an impact on others which were not anticipated.

First I need to say that my friends have been great through this initial part of my illness and there is nothing to say that this position is going to change immediately - rather its me that seems to be changing and not them. I am having doubts about my ability to cope with what is happening to me and what may happen in the immediate future, I am doubting my friends willingness to hear what I have to say when they ask that questions each day "How are you?", I don't want to say "OK thanks" each time when I am not OK,

I want to say "it bloody hurts" and "I don't feel well at all" and "I think its really unfair that I have this disease and you don't" (that one really stings in your head and even if its not at all true, sometimes you can't help yourself thinking it even fleetingly).

Then after that I get guilty about having the disease and having those bad thoughts that seem to go along with it all. I keep thinking that I am asking too much of them now in terms of emotional and physical help and what if their well runs dry later when I need them even more than I do now and they have nothing left to give me. Then I think that that is a really selfish "me, me me" attitude to have and that gets me really down - can you be guilty about a guilty thought which in itself is only a selfish thought about feeling guilty - just how big a knot is that one to unravel.

Anyway before I drive all away completely with this "hymn to the depressed" that brings around the original thought I had;

- can you use up and wear out your friends and family with this thing before you need them most?

Thanks for reading (if you managed to get through the dirge without laughing too much) and any thoughts are appreciated.

Cheers

Andrew



  • Andrew, just please don't go to sleep on the sofa again,lol! xxxx

    Moomy

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    morning liz .........have a good day .

    im up early too , couldnt sleep , and the sun is shining through my curtains , its going to be another hot day , i can feel it already !!!

    suexxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    taking it all a day at a time hun .

    good luck with your diet and well done for starting it !!!

    have a lovely day , 'see you later'

    suexxxxxx

  • Good morning, Liz and Sue, it has started cloudy here today but I expect it will improve......

    Moomy

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Good Morning all

    I got up to a very cloudy sky, the temperature has also dropped quite a lot.

    How is everyone today?
  • Hello, Juls, it started cloudy here, too, but sun is now peeping through.....

    Moomy

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    hi helen and juls .its a beautiful day here .im going to take paul out soon to a lovely area near here , its right by a river and very peaceful , wiill do him good to have some fresh air and a long walk .
    suexxxx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Morning All,

    guess who fell asleep on the sofa last night - ok it was me - sorry mooms couldn't help it!

    So my back is a bit tender this morning but the sun is shining and the birds are singing and have taken my morning meds so don't feel too bad. easy day today i think is called for. All i have to do today is pick up some more pills and thats it really.

    so i will get them this afternoon and maybe a little shopping but we will see, for once i actually have some food in the place - lol -

    this song was in my mind this morning so i hope you all like it with a great video photo montage as well -;

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmUfP37d8yU

    Andrew
    xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hi all well the sun has obviously decided to stay north today as it is very overcast and chilly here, I needed to wear a jacket taking Nathan to school.

    Oh Andy, what will we do with you, sleeping on the sofa!!!
  • Oh, Andrew,!!!! but at least you are awake and posting! You probably need to time a rest on the bed with feet up so you can nap! Maybe after lunch????Well done you for having food in already, lol!

    We now seem to have sun out, Yippee! and a cool breeze, good, as I don't get on well with too much of either extreme!

    Moomy