Are friends and family ever enough?

FormerMember
FormerMember
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Andrew, who began this thread, sadly died in September 2008, but his friends wished that his thread remain open in his memory, particularly to promote Andrew's idea of 'dancing away cancer' each Friday at 3pm. Please feel free to post your dance tunes every Friday in his memory.


Macmillan admin


Hello everyone,

this is my topic to start and its a question that has been burning around the back of my mind for the last few days.

I always thought that having a small group of very close friends was enough for anyone, ok you always have work colleagues and other acquaintances but the main group of my friends has remained within a steady little group of five people for nigh on the last twenty years. We have shared almost, if not all, of what life can show you over that period and nothing has every served to tear us very far apart for long.

There have always times when partners/other friends/own family have been more important to us and always been times when we are more important to each other and perhaps have taken some of this for granted and assumed that it will always be thus. I have reached the opinion that I have for certain.

Then you get cancer! Things change I suppose but I have cancer and all of a sudden things are important to me that weren't before and they have an impact on others which were not anticipated.

First I need to say that my friends have been great through this initial part of my illness and there is nothing to say that this position is going to change immediately - rather its me that seems to be changing and not them. I am having doubts about my ability to cope with what is happening to me and what may happen in the immediate future, I am doubting my friends willingness to hear what I have to say when they ask that questions each day "How are you?", I don't want to say "OK thanks" each time when I am not OK,

I want to say "it bloody hurts" and "I don't feel well at all" and "I think its really unfair that I have this disease and you don't" (that one really stings in your head and even if its not at all true, sometimes you can't help yourself thinking it even fleetingly).

Then after that I get guilty about having the disease and having those bad thoughts that seem to go along with it all. I keep thinking that I am asking too much of them now in terms of emotional and physical help and what if their well runs dry later when I need them even more than I do now and they have nothing left to give me. Then I think that that is a really selfish "me, me me" attitude to have and that gets me really down - can you be guilty about a guilty thought which in itself is only a selfish thought about feeling guilty - just how big a knot is that one to unravel.

Anyway before I drive all away completely with this "hymn to the depressed" that brings around the original thought I had;

- can you use up and wear out your friends and family with this thing before you need them most?

Thanks for reading (if you managed to get through the dirge without laughing too much) and any thoughts are appreciated.

Cheers

Andrew



  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    well i have also got to start dinner and get washing in, got
    friends coming round later, so will probably talk to you all
    tomorrow, hope you all have a good evening
  • Have a good time Dianne.......speak later...xxxx

    Moomy

  • Liz, sorry to miss you, went for a back massage.....wonderful!!!!!!!!!! If you've gone, have a good night.....

    Moomy

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    hi to everyone from me ..........especially andrew .

    what another scorcher of a day again ........i feel like a limp lettuce literally !!!!im drinking ice cold water in gallons !!!

    your back massage sounds wonderful helen , i always appreciate an nice foot massage and a pedicure , or a head and neck massage .....mmmmmmmmmmmm
    suexxxxxx

  • Hi, Sue, yes the massage was great, we've a new hair and beauty salon opened near us, and it is always busy! Shows it was needed! Hope you feel better about things today?

    Liz, thought you'd gone? Hello again.....

    Moomy

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    im just going with the flow and plodding on as they say !!!
    suexxxx
  • Liz, you do give me a giggle, coming and going!!!!! |I just love your posts!

    Sue, keep on keeping on, as they say, life is tough, but it's the only thing we know about!!!!!

    Moomy

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    hi liz , just wanted to say a quick hello to all of you .....thanks for your p/m 's sweetie
    suexxx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hello All,

    just got back from restaurant for sisters birthday, luckily the diazepam worked its magic and i was ok through the meal, just started falling asleep near the end of it !!

    The last lot of pills for the day have now been consumed and I am hoping against hope that tomorrow will not be a repeat of today. I feel that i am due a few good days now to make up for the bad one today and if i don't then i will be severely disappointed - lol

    i have refrained from completing my physio excercises for today on the basis that they started this bloody episode in the first place and i have lost a bit of confidence in them i think i will call the physio tomorrow and let her know what has happened and see if she has any other ideas that we cabn adopt going forward.

    nothing more for me to say at the moment so am going to sign off for the day and veg a bit in fromt of the tv until bed time and hope that sleep overtakes me quickly and that, as i said earlier, tomorrow brings nicer surprises for me than today did.

    So have a great evening/morning everyone and i will endevour to catch with you all tomorrow at some time.

    Goodnight and sleep well,

    Andrew
    xx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    bless you andrew for being the person you are !!!!.i am so thrilled you have had a good day and enjoyed yourself too ..........good on you mate !!!!..........here is a toast for many more good days and 'pain ' free days for you

    big big big hug for you , cos you're worth it !!!!!!!!
    thanks for the p/m 's ........you know what i mean !!!!
    sue xxxxxxxxxxx