Are friends and family ever enough?

FormerMember
FormerMember
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Andrew, who began this thread, sadly died in September 2008, but his friends wished that his thread remain open in his memory, particularly to promote Andrew's idea of 'dancing away cancer' each Friday at 3pm. Please feel free to post your dance tunes every Friday in his memory.


Macmillan admin


Hello everyone,

this is my topic to start and its a question that has been burning around the back of my mind for the last few days.

I always thought that having a small group of very close friends was enough for anyone, ok you always have work colleagues and other acquaintances but the main group of my friends has remained within a steady little group of five people for nigh on the last twenty years. We have shared almost, if not all, of what life can show you over that period and nothing has every served to tear us very far apart for long.

There have always times when partners/other friends/own family have been more important to us and always been times when we are more important to each other and perhaps have taken some of this for granted and assumed that it will always be thus. I have reached the opinion that I have for certain.

Then you get cancer! Things change I suppose but I have cancer and all of a sudden things are important to me that weren't before and they have an impact on others which were not anticipated.

First I need to say that my friends have been great through this initial part of my illness and there is nothing to say that this position is going to change immediately - rather its me that seems to be changing and not them. I am having doubts about my ability to cope with what is happening to me and what may happen in the immediate future, I am doubting my friends willingness to hear what I have to say when they ask that questions each day "How are you?", I don't want to say "OK thanks" each time when I am not OK,

I want to say "it bloody hurts" and "I don't feel well at all" and "I think its really unfair that I have this disease and you don't" (that one really stings in your head and even if its not at all true, sometimes you can't help yourself thinking it even fleetingly).

Then after that I get guilty about having the disease and having those bad thoughts that seem to go along with it all. I keep thinking that I am asking too much of them now in terms of emotional and physical help and what if their well runs dry later when I need them even more than I do now and they have nothing left to give me. Then I think that that is a really selfish "me, me me" attitude to have and that gets me really down - can you be guilty about a guilty thought which in itself is only a selfish thought about feeling guilty - just how big a knot is that one to unravel.

Anyway before I drive all away completely with this "hymn to the depressed" that brings around the original thought I had;

- can you use up and wear out your friends and family with this thing before you need them most?

Thanks for reading (if you managed to get through the dirge without laughing too much) and any thoughts are appreciated.

Cheers

Andrew



  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    I'm late with this but I think I've got totally water-logged today!!  So much rain..........so I'm afraid it just has to be Morecambe and Wise's version of 'Singing in the Rain'..............Or for the cultured among us how about Handel's 'Water Music'.?

    Sorry folks - I just couldn't resist it.........But whatever your choice I hope you enjoyed your dance.........

    Love and (((hugs))) to everyone - and especially to Andrew's family....

    Dot xxxxx


  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember
    Sorry that i have not posted recently but I have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's,thats All I need ontop of everything else.So now I have to develop a new mindset from Cancer can be beaten but Alzheimers cant
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Good Morning Everyone,

    My song for today is 'Vienna' by Ultravox. All this fog reminds me of the video they used to show of various New Romantics posing very carefully with a misty background.

    Sorry to hear of your diagnosis, Jonnie5.

    Have a lovely weekend,

    love, Anne.x

  • Awww, Jonnie5, so sorry to hear that.....

    My song today, as this week I saw a Dolorean (sp?) car at Bletchley Park, has to be the theme tune from 'Back to the Future', which it had playing on the car stereo with the doors fully up! 

    Moomy

  • Hi Everyone

    Jonnie, I’m so sorry to hear this news.  I hope now that those drugs for alzheimers have been released by NICE, they might be of some help to you.  Keep posting here.

    My song for Dance the Crap out of Cancer is The Circle of Life from The Lion King.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwSKkKrUzUk&feature=fvsr

    Love to all.

    Crystal xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to crystalclear

    morning all

    Jonnie  how awful for you you know i,m always here for you my dear friend

    Well my song is meatloaf bat out of hell sorry its late

    much love liz

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hi to you all my song for today is I WANT TO BREAK FREE by Queen well i hope you are all as

    well as can be

    much love liz xxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    On A Clear Day by the Peddlers puts me in the right frame of mind for today whatever it may bring

    Power to very encouraging voice even if yours is in, or out of tune like mine lol

    David

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember in reply to FormerMember

    Hello all,

    Don,t know that one, David. Hope it results in the frame of mind you're hoping for!

    My song for today is Little Sister by Ry Cooder, because I like to sing along ... badly.

    Have a lovely wekend everyone. Can't wait, personally speaking. Need the rest.

    Love, Anne.x

  • Hi to All

    My song for today is Beautiful People by Melanie.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeHtuwsUeRw

    Love and Hugs

    Crystal xx