my beautiful mum has gone page 2

Louise, where are you?  Are you ok?  You havent been here since early yesterday.  I miss you when you dont post.  xxx

Hi Jayne

Sorry, I’m OK, just a bit anxious about coming here again. Promise I’ll try to behave now and will try not to lose the plot! I really need you all.

How are you today? Did you get on OK at the dentist? A very good excuse for a few whiskys I would say! My teeth are so soft they break when biting the slightest thing. I’ve got quite a few crowns now. Maybe it’s just old age!

I agree with Susan, your spiritual experiences must be so reassuring. I really hope something like that happens to me one day. Perhaps my little dream was just the beginning.

I’d love for you come and walk along the beach-all of you. It would be great to meet up and give you all a huge “thank you” hug. Perthshire is lovely-in the summer!! We are about another 2 hours from there. Some people assume Aberdeen is in the middle of nowhere I think. My brother was trying to get a part for his vacuum cleaner delivered from down south and they wouldn’t do it because Aberdeen was too remote!! We do have motorway or dual carriageway all the way up. (no further mind you!)

I’m enjoying your calendar poems. We’ll have to make our own poems into calendars next year!!

Glad you’re not bothered either way about the job. You definitely have the right attitude. You wouldn’t have time to write all these messages on here if you were working and I really enjoy reading them.

Take care Jayne
Hope your weekend goes well.
Lots of love and thanks for everything.
Louise
xxxxx

Hi Susan

I feel a little embarrassed coming back here after my “episode” the other day but I really need you all and would miss you all so much now so here I am again. These feelings just take over and I sometimes think I’m cracking up completely. I definitely think my GP’s appointment had something to do with it. Since Mum and Dad died I often feel really insecure and panic about the slightest thing. How are you now? I do hope you’re OK. It’s hard, isn’t it? You’re such a strong person, Susan but you too are entitled to these bad days and tears are OK. We’re all going through a rough time just now, aren’t we? I’m so glad we all have each other to lean on. Was it “Open Your Eyes” you were listening to? That song really affects me too. I remember a couple of days before Mum died just sitting pleading with her to open her eyes for me. There was no response of course. Did your dad die in April, Susan? This is going to be a really hard time for you too.

It’s funny you should say your Mum and Dad are perhaps on holiday in Tenerife, I often think my parents are just on holiday in Cyprus. They had been holidaying there for about 13 years and loved it .I think that’s where my dream came from the other week. I was always the one who picked them up from the airport. They had their holiday booked and paid for when Dad died. There was no way Mum was going to go without him but it took ages for her to get her money back. Wherever they are, like you, I try to take comfort from the belief our parents are back together again.

That’s awful news about the mum from your son’s school. There’s always someone worse off and I must remember that. My uncle died of cancer when he was 29. He left two daughters of four and two. I was only little at the time too but I remember travelling to Croydon where they stayed and there being lots of tears. It really affected my dad. My aunt married again a few years later and lost her second husband to cancer too. It’s such a cruel, cruel disease.

Guess where I’ve just been? Tesco again. My life is just so exciting at the moment!! I’t’s a Tesco Extra and is just down the steps from me so it’s a little too handy. I soon won’t need to go into town to shop at all. I only went for some flowers to take to the cemetery tomorrow but there were very few left. They’re adding a mezzanine floor and so will be closing from Sunday till Wednesday. I think they must be running down their stock. I’ll try Asda or the florist tomorrow.

We don’t get a half term up here-just a day on February 19th. We have a staff In Service on the Friday before so the children get a long weekend. Do you get the half term, Susan? I expect our holidays are made up at some other time.

Nothing exciting happening for me this weekend. My brother and his family are maybe coming for lunch on Sunday (will have to hide the breakables!) and I’m going to sit and watch the rugby. I love it too and have been to Murrayfield on several occasions. Pretending to be WAGs sounds great-at least you’ve got the husbands though!!

Better go and put another load of washing on. Thanks Susan. Hope you’ll be feeling better tomorrow. I do really care about you all-just not so good with words.

Lots of love
Louise
xxxx

PS As you trained as a nurse, Susan, can I ask for some advice? I was given a blood pressure monitor to use at home for a week. Does the cuff have to be really tight around your arm? At the doctors my BP was 195/104 and since I’ve being doing it at home It’s up and down like a yo yo. I wondered if I’m not doing it properly.
xxx

HI Karen

How are you today? You definitely sound brighter. I hope you are. As you say it’s like a roller coaster, isn’t it? Thanks for your lovely message. Everyone is just so supportive of each other here.

I’m fascinated by reading all your spiritual experiences. It must be such a comfort to you. Like Susan, nothing like that has ever happened to me yet (apart from my little dream) but I certainly believe that this life is not the end.

Have you any plans for the weekend? Your boys will keep you busy no doubt. Do they all play football?

Take good care of yourself and thank you so much for being there.

Lots of love
Louise
xxxx

Hi Amanda

How are you doing? As I said before I’m thinking such a lot about you just now. You do sound a bit brighter again but I wish I could be there to help and support you more. You have been so good to me.

Aaron and Josie sound as if they’re like chalk and cheese. I have a little one year old next door to me and she’s just started walking and is into everything. She’s a real cutey though. Her mum is a teacher too but now only works two days a week. She seems to be coping fine with that.

As I’ve said to the others your spiritual experiences are fascinating me. I’ve even gone into Colin Fry’s web site and I see he’s coming here in October so you never know, I may just see if my sister in law might like to go.(as my brother would definitely not)

I hope your weekend goes OK.
Thanks for everything Amanda and take good care of yourself.
Lots of Love
Louise
xxxx

Hi Marie

Hope you are bearing up. I know this has been a hard time for you too.

Take care and keep in touch.
Lots of Love
Louise
xxx

 

Hi Louise

 

Good to see you and as I said I really think you are too hard on yourself.  We all have the days that are not so good and I think that we do all understand and nobody here would want you to feel embarrassed so please don’t worry about it  - please….

 

I’m sorry that your GP appt did cause you so much worry, was it your blood pressure or general anxiety about the whole visit?  Incidentally the BP cuff has to be quite tight but not really tight and you can expect it to vary depending on the time of day, your anxiety level,  whether you have been rushing etc.  So you need to take measurements over a period of time so you can establish your “normal”.

 

I imagine that the reason that you do feel the panic is that the security that surrounded your whole life has been taken away and we are in essence “orphans” and it really is disconcerting for us and it is difficult to come to terms with.  It would be great of we could think that our parents were away either in Tenerife or Cyprus!  Even better if we could just pop over and see them or even if they could send us a card! 

 

It sounds as if you have a busy weekend planned – enough to keep you busy!  I hope the sun shines on you tomorrow as you take your flowers to your mum and dad, I’m not as keen on rugby so it’ll be the Man Utd match for me on Sunday.  As for being a WAG, I’m not sure they do all have husbands or boyfriends – some of them are just looking for one!  So that’s ok, you can share mine and we can make the most of it!!

 

The songs was Chasing Cars and what with that and James Morrison singing Beautiful World they just about finish me off!!  Still, I’m fine now thanks and feel much happier now that you’ve been in touch.

 

Please don’t worry – your feelings, reactions, concerns and hopes are all quite normal and you really should not be anxious; it really is ok.  You just need to believe in yourself and have the confidence to know that you will get through this even though it is so difficult and so very sad.  I’m sorry that we cannot easily get together but actually I hope that the distance is not too great an obstacle for us because we do need to be here for each other.

 

Have a good weekend and I hope you have eaten and you have a good night’s sleep!

 

Lots of love

 

Hi to you all,
Just wanted to post tonight because I am off to stay with my dad tomorrow so prob wont get back on till Monday, so there will probably be pages to catch up by that time!!

The songs that get me - and as you said Susan, so often in the car when you just have time to think - are - Run : Snow Patrol, Your Beautiful : James Blunt (this was one of Aarons fav songs when mum was still here and they would sing it to each other all the time so we played it at mums funeral), also Goodbye my Lover by James Blunt but I change the lover bit to mother!!! I am crazy!! As well as James Morrison as we have mentioned before. Dont worry about crying though we have to let it out and we are allowed to miss them, cause they were so important to us and always will be. The tears I have cried im my car .. and bed .. and kitchen ... and josie room - everywhere!! You would think there wouldnt be any left, but there are

Dont know if I mentioned before Louise but both of my parents are from Scotland and just moved away because of dads job, so we do come up to Scotland often, Havent been that high up for awhile though. Will be thinking about you when I visit my mums grave and hopefully the sun will be shining as we both visit them over the weekend.

Jayne if I have a spare Gordon Smith ticket you are more than welcome to come, I will let you know because not sure about at least one aunty coming, so keep date free just in case!! And the other two tickets just turned up I didnt order them, is that very bad if I dont call them?

Karen hope your okay and thanks for your message too and as I said to Jayne if there is spare ticket (may be two of them!) then more than welcome to use it!! Will let you both know what my aunts are doing as soon as I can.

Talk to you all soon - dont write too much while Im away!!
All my love - hope you all have a nice weekend
xx Amanda