my beautiful mum has gone page 2

Morning Louise

Please don’t feel anxious about coming here, I missed you yesterday, its not the same without you.  And you don’t have to worry about losing the plot, I do it all the time.

Dentist – it was not to bad, it came out so easy, but I had to sit for ages because it wouldn’t stop bleeding, he kept plugging it.  I was really nervous before he did it, then I thought of all that Mum went through and it put it into perspective, and while I was thinking all this, he just pulled it out!  I have a few crowns too, in fact the one that came out was a crown, so it was really not my tooth anyway, and yes I thought the same as you, ‘old age’, it’s a horrible thought isn’t it.  (I’m typing this in ‘word’, I can't type today, hangover).  I’ve just made myself laugh, what I should do is leave all the spelling mistakes in this and just send it, you would crack up laughing.

I think your dream was a way of your Mum and Dad contacting you, especially as they were at the airport and you used to pick them up.

You must have read my mind Louise, I was wishing we could all meet up as well.  That’s funny about the part for the vacuum cleaner, is Aberdeen anywhere near the moon or something??!!

That’s a good idea about our own poems, I have a few, I used to write poems a lot, but haven’t done any for ages. 

That’s so sad about your Mum and Dads holiday, and your Mum trying to get her money back.  Why do some people make things worse when you're grieving? 

Well, I hope its lovely and sunny for you this weekend, and I will be thinking about you taking your flowers to your Mum and Dad while I’m planting the primroses for my Mum and Dad.  We might get a psychic connection. 

I’ve just read through this, and I feel like I’m talking rubbish today, must stick to orange juice today! 

Have a lovely day Louise, speak later, love jayne xxx 

Hi Louise,

(I’m having a blue moment).  I don’t know what's wrong with me today, I feel so happy it makes me feel guilty, does that sound mad.  I’m being really naughty and having another whisky (hair of the Benji). 

You mustn’t ever feel that you shouldn’t come back, THAT’S AN ORDER.   I don’t think that you’ve ever said mad things, and you are strong.  Your Mum and Dad know that you're coping, and very well I would say.  I talk to them all the time.  In fact, thinking about it, when Mum was still here I used to always talk to my Dad, now Mums gone, I tend to talk to Mum and then remember that she's with Dad now, and say “oh yes and you Dad”.  Does that sound horrible.  I think its because its early days for Mum but Dad has been gone so much longer.  I know it must be so much harder for you because you lost them both so close together, I think you're brilliant to be able to handle that, and you are handling it Louise, you may think sometimes that you're not, but looking at it from this end, you really are.

The garden, mmmmm, I actually haven’t done anything to it, its all stuff that Mum put in, so I really can't take any credit for it.  (we saw a big red admiral butterfly in the garden this morning, in February!  How crazy is that). Global warming, I blame that for everything these days.  You’ve got things coming through as well now, spring is on its way, love it.  I always watch the weather forecast in the mornings and like to see what its doing in Aberdeen.  Today they said that Aberdeen wasn’t having any weather at all because it was too remote!!! Ha ha, only joking.

Oh Louise your description of the view, the sea and birds singing sounds like heaven, I wish I could just ‘pop round’ to see you and Benji.  And no, it isn’t crazy to chat to your Mum and Dad, they can hear you.  What flowers did you take today?  I said I would be thinking about you when I put the primroses in, but we went shopping, sorry.  But I am still thinking about you.  We went to Asda today, I felt a bit unfaithful to Morrisons!

No, we didn’t get any post today, so luckily I’ve got away with it again. 

Parental reports, I really admire you Louise, you sound so together and in control.  What do you have to do with them?  Is it a report on all the little ones?  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again (because I’m annoying like that), I really don’t know how you and everyone else do it.  You are all busy with jobs and other things AND come here and give comfort to everyone else.  I just feel so useless.  In a way, I don’t really want a job because I would have less time with you all on here, but I do need the money.  Living off my savings at the moment and its running out very fast.

Well, I’m actually going to do something now, don’t know what, but something useful, so I will be on here later no doubt.  I hope you have a good day tomorrow with your brother and family.  What are you cooking? (aren’t I nosy).  See you later, love jayne xxx

P.s.  re the paste icons.  You’ve mentioned it a few times and I’ve noticed that no one has answered you yet.  So in answer to your question, Yes, it is just you Louise.  No not really, yes you're right they have gone.  I use the mouse button as well.  This site is weird sometimes isn’t it, but thank goodness we found it (and each other).  x

Hi Karen,

Hope you're ok, sorry I didn’t post earlier, was struggling a bit first thing, but got better later, its my own fault, serves me right.  Have you had a good day?  What have you been doing?  Do your boys do anything at the weekend, like football or rugby?

I had an idea last night (mind you I was a bit drunk), but I’ll tell you anyway.  I thought that as this thread is getting so big now, it would be good for someone to print it all out and make a book out of it.  It could be called what you called it ‘My Beautiful Mum Has Gone’, and if it was published, the title might catch peoples eye, and all the proceeds of it could go to Macmillan.  It would be a bit like a diary of people (us) that had experienced the loss of our mums (and dads).  It might help people who have to go through the same experience.  What do you think?  Everyone on here would have to agree of course, afterall, we have all told of personal feelings and things.  But wouldn’t it be great to think that we were helping others that unfortunately are going to go through what we all have.

Like I said, I was a bit drunk.  What do you think?  Love jayne xxx

(I’m trying not to write too much because Amanda will have too much to read, sorry Amanda).  xxx

Well done, England Jagain!! We Scots are so used to not winning anything now. When mum was at home we had a couple of visits from the stroke nurse. She happened to be Chris Cusiter’s mum. My brother was so excited. He used to be really good at rugby and played for North of Scotland for some time. However, he became really ill with thyroid problems and was unable to fulfil his ambitions of studying PE at university or playing for Scotland. Mrs Cusiter came back with a signed photo for him which now has pride of place in his house.

I’m just away out for another long walk as I’m pacing about here again. Poor Benji has been walked off his feet today.

Enjoy your evening.

Love Louise

xxxx