my beautiful mum has gone page 2

FormerMember
FormerMember
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hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Susan,


    Don’t worry about not getting back, you have so much to do in other ways.  I don’t know how you do it.  I know I came onto this site a lot later than everyone else, and just lately my memory is not so good.  I used to be so good at remembering things, but not sure if its because I haven’t worked since last May or if I’m just stuck in time at the moment.  You have been through so much, losing both your Mum and Dad so close together and your husband being diagnosed with cancer too.  How do you cope with all that? 


    I have read through all the posts on this site, but its difficult remembering who has experienced what and when.  So I sometimes probably don’t say the right things.  For instance, when I read through earlier posts, I realised that when I replied to Amanda, I only mentioned Josie, and looking back over the posts, I now know that Amanda has Josie and Aaron.  That’s how useless I am.  Sorry Amanda. x


    Yes Susan, I did feel great yesterday, and I was ok earlier but as the day has gone on I’m feeling a bit down, but tomorrow I’ll be ok.  We all get days like that don’t we.  I try not to be sad because one of the last things Mum said to me was “have a good life my love”.  It broke my heart, I cried all the way home.  Well that’s me feeling sorry for myself, it doesn’t do any good does it, and it just makes other people sad, so SNAP OUT OF IT JAYNE. 


    I guess you're watching Man U?  my husbands football mad.  I darent tell you who he supports!!  I’m glad to say his biggest passion is fishing, which we do together, especially beach fishing.  I’m not so keen on course fishing, too boring sitting on a river bank, but put me on Chesil Beach with a rod and leave me all day, heaven.  (with a bottle of wine of course).  Anyway, hope you have a good weekend, (what's left of it).  Love Jayne xxx


     

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    hi susan

    thanks for the big hug it was lovely!!

    hope your having a good weekend with your family.

    ive been out a lot of the day the boys wanted to spend there xmas money so been out shopping, i cant believe that ive been out all day, what an accomplishment!

    lets hope our team do well today!!

    have a good weekend speak soon, lots of love and hugs karen xxx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    hi jayne,

    thanks for your lovely message, how are you today? hope your weekend is going well.

    i was smiling when i read your message i was trying to imagine you walking out with your budgie on a lead, if you do please take a photo for me ha ha

    well i hope your ok and will speak later, lots of love and hugs karen xxx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    hi louise,

    hope your ok, glad your session went ok last week, and hope you manage to go out this weekend with your friends.

    what a horrible thing that they took your posie some people are just so thoughtless, i can imagine how you must have felt, its things like that, that make you feel even worse isnt it? your entitled to your moan, bless you!!

    what a dream you had your mum and dad together and your mum healthy, i wish i could dream of mine.

    well louise hope your weekend goes ok, speak later, lots of love and hugs karen xxx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    hi amanda,

    hope your weekend is going ok, and that josie and aaron are well.

    speak later, lots of love and hugs karen xxx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Louise,


    Your dream wasn’t a dream.  You said it felt so real, that’s because it was.  It really was your Mum and Dad telling you they are now together and are now healthy and happy.  Its their way of communicating to you.  Our loved ones don’t dare come back in situations which they know would frighten us.  For instance, if they appeared in our living room, we would be really freaked out wouldn’t we.  They know that, so they try and visit us in a way which doesn’t scare us, and dreams are the perfect way for them to do that.  So it was your Mum and Dad, and I bet they are still talking about the hug you gave them.


    I hope I haven’t said too much, but I just know our loved ones are still alive, albeit in their own dimension.   ok we can't see them or hear them, but they can see and hear us.   I’ve had all sorts of things happen that I daren’t tell people because they would think I’m nuts.  I used to think that as every day went by I was getting further and further away from my Dad. But he changed my way of thinking because he came back to me one night (I will explain if you are interested). Since Mum has been gone I realise that as every day goes by, we are in fact getting nearer to them, because when our time comes, there is no doubt in my mind whatsoever, they will be there waiting for us. 


    I have to go now, the men in white coats are waiting for me outside!!  No seriously, I’m not weird or mad or anything, I just know what has happened to me, and its so reassuring.  Love Jayne xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Jayne and thanks


     


    Actually I’ve just looked up ChesilBeachand we’re not far from each other – perhaps we can meet on the beach sometime especially if you have a bottle of wine!!  I can bring the French bread and cheese and we can enjoy the evening!


     


    As for keeping up, you have done a great job at looking at all our messages and catching up – nothing wrong with your memory at all!  As for me coping with everything, well there’s little choice is there, we all know that we do just have to get on, although at the time I must admit that I was feeling how much more is there to come!  However, my husband is fine at the moment although he is very closely monitored.


     


    As for feeling sorry for yourself, I know it is difficult.  I try to make the most of every day but then sometimes even though I know I do have a lot to be grateful for, I still feel hard done by!  However, all you say, there’s always another day and I am lucky to have a husband and son who rarely have down days!


     


    Yes, we did watch the football today – great result- we were thrilled!  Now as for our beach date, there will have to be one proviso, that no football is mentioned otherwise it’ll be all downhill!


     


    Hope tomorrow is better for you and see you soon,


     


    Love Susan

     
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hey Karen

     

    What a great day - achievements all round!  The boys spent all their money, our team won, you probably walked off another couple of pounds and best of all you're sounding good today!

     

    See you soon,

     

    love Susan x

     
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hi Susan,

    Your message about the Macmillan nurse asking your dad whether his 'affairs were in order' brought back some memories for me. We really had no contact with the Mac nurses until the last 2 weeks of mums life and we only saw the nurse once really.
    What really upset me at the time were the nurses at the hospital who would talk to us about hospices whilst mum was lying in the hospital bed....I felt really angry with them. She could hear what was going on and could easily have upset her...i have a long list of greivances about the 'wonderful' london hospital she was in, if I go into it now I'll get up from the computer and punch a hole in the wall, so I'll leave it. It was only at the hospice where people treated her with some dignity. Susan, it's unbelievable what that nurse said to your dad, good on your mum for telling her to sling her hook.

    I'm off to the hospice on 9th feb, my brother has said he doesn't want to go and I understand that. I'm hoping I will feel closer to mum when I go, as I enter the car park I will be able to see the room where mum died, this scares me a bit.....and I will probably meet the staff who were in the room with me and my brother at the moment of mums death....all very weird! I will take a photo of mum, when she looked healthy, because all they saw was this sick woman, maybe they would like to see what she looked like.

    Liz x