hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
Yes it is early days and I suppose the thing is that for so much of the time you need to keep your feelings under control – especially at work when everyone talks about your mum.That’s why it’s good to be able to come here to talk, if and when you feel comfortable and even then, grief, I think, is such a personal thing and everyone deals with in their own way.We’re all lucky to have each other to talk to and bounce ideas off.
I wish I was as practical as you – what great skills to have- you’ll never be short of a job!!Funnily enough years ago I used to live in BelsizeParkand we would go to HighgateCemetery, it really is such a small world!
I think I would also go along to the hospice at least once to see how I felt and what emotions were evoked.My mum went once after my dad died and I think she did find it quite helpful, they were brilliant at caring for my dad and actually my mum when he had died.
I hope you are feeling ok and that your weekend goes well, when are you going to the hospice?I imagine there will be mixed emotions before you get there?
Thanks for the message. Good to hear from you. How are you today?
I'm just back in from my morning walk. it was raining here during the night but it's a beautiful morning now so i'm just away to buy some flowers and head off to the cemetery now incase the weather changes again. Apart from you people here no-one knows I go there every week, they'd really think I'd gone mad!!
I hope you have an enjoyable weekend. Not too much gardening now!!
I'm fine thanks, how are you? I hope you dont mind Louise, but i looked at your school website, its great. Then i went onto google earth to see where abouts it is and i notice that you are very close to the beach, is that where you walk? It looks fabulous. It seems to go on forever. We are miles from the nearest beach, so its a real treat for us when we go on holiday.
No i'm sure people wouldnt think that you'd gone mad by going to the cemetery every week, if they did, they obviously dont know the feeling of losing someone so close. I think people think i'm mad because i still have mums ashes in the bedroom. But i dont think of them as mum, its just her earthly remains, i know she is with me all the time in spirit. When all the spring flowers are out, i will do as she asked and put them in her garden.
Mum and i used to go to the crematorium every week to take flowers for Dad. I even went one night at midnight. I missed him so much, i just had to go and be with him. It was a bit scary there on my own in the dark, but at that time i didnt really care, i just sat and cried and cried. After i thought about it a week later, I know he would have been really angry with me for doing that, so i never did it again. I'll be thinking about you today Louise, i hope you have a good weekend. Love Jayne x
Sorry Louise, I've forgotten your doggies name, can you let me know. I could go back on all the posts, but it takes ages finding the one you're looking for doesnt it (i've got the memory of a fish these days, not using my brain enough!)
Hope you are well.I don’t cry as much as I used to either.Sometimes I feel guilty because I don’t cry.Although on Thursday I was looking through the kitchen cupboards for something, and I found some plastic containers that Mum had kept since Dad passed away.I guess she just couldn’t bring herself to throw them away.This started me off crying again.I've found a few little reminders of Dad, Mum had even kept his toothbrush in the bathroom cabinet!
When did you lose your Mum Liz?Did you have long with her from diagnosis to her passing.(don’t answer if its too painful to talk about) Yes it’s a real godsend this site, wish I’d come on here last year.Do you live close to work?What a pain having to go back after only just getting home, but it sounds as though they really rely on you to put everything right?My husband comes from Highgate, he used to go to the cemetery there too.
Yes the hospice people are so caring.I also was invited to a meeting of remembrance last July, but so many people turned up I couldn’t park and was so upset, so I went home and lit a candle at home.Then they phoned me up in September to ask if I would like to go to that one, which I did.It was lovely, they called out everyones name and we had to go and light a candle for our loved ones, and as we were leaving they gave everyone a yellow rose.When they called mums name out my legs turned to jelly.I was sort of ok until my mums neighbour put her arm around me, then I started crying again.
I hope you do go, and if you don’t, I’m sure they will let you go to the next one.I have to go now, take care. Have a good weekend.Love Jayne x
I’ve just been to the cemetery and my beautiful posy of flowers for Mum has been taken away. I think they must have thought it was a wreath as the Christmas wreaths that were left have now been removed too. (not that it looked anything like that) I know it sounds so silly but laying that posy last week was so special to me and now, within a few days, it’s gone. I was told it would last for ages. I’m getting really emotional here-funny how little things set you off. Sorry, not having a good day, just wanted a little moan-no sympathy required.
What a shame, people can be so thoughtless, it must have been such a shock, especially when you were expecting to see them there. I am sorry and I can understand how disappointed you must have been and I think you're more than entitled to a moan - actually a BIG one!!
Hope you feel better later and you feel able to go out.
Thats really horrible, dont they have any idea what this means to those that are left behind grieving. It makes me so mad. I'm so sorry they did that, especially as it was an important time for you, that makes me even more angry. They have no respect. (now you've got me really angry!). They havent got a clue, all they're doing is what they're paid for.
When my dad passed, mum bought a plot for him, which she thought was for life. Then about 6 years after, another company took over the crematorium and they started sending out letters saying that after 10 years you had to start paying again!! They kept sending mum letters which used to make her cry. So i sent a stinking letter to them. About 6 months before the ten years was up, mum and me went and took his plaque and stone away. I wanted to dig up the rose bush as well, because i was so angry, but mum stopped me. So my dads ashes are still at the crem, which we cant now visit because they've probably put someone eles's there. Which is the reason mum asked to be put in the garden because she knew she could never be put with dad. It still makes me mad even now. Sorry, this is not what you want to hear right now, moan over. Love Jayne x
Bet you didn't expect to find me here my friend. Have been reading your thoughts and posts and feeling that I've let you down in some way. Im truelly sorry. Let us in and tell us what you are thinking and feeling and no I dont think you are mad, well not quite. I'm sorry about your mums flowers you would think that people would recognise the importance of these things....
you take care my friend and you've got a great support around you here
