hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
How are you?I’ve been thinking about you.I hope you are finding the strength to get through these early days, it’s such a difficult time.Sometimes it feels like the hurt is never going to go away.And when people say that times a healer, don’t you just feel like replying “yes I know it is, but that’s not what I feel right now”.I’m sure people mean well, but sometimes its not what you want to hear is it?I hope you feel that you can come and talk here, everyone understands so well.Take care, Love Jayne x
I hope you are ok.It was snowing here too on Wednesday, but thankfully has all gone now.Your work at the church building sounds interesting.Are you there on your own or do other people work there with you?I love old buildings, especially churches (I’m a bit funny like that!).Whenever I went away with Mum and Dad, my Dad and me used to go looking at very old gravestones!!! We used to have a competition who could find the oldest one.I remember one time when we were down Cornwall, we were looking at one of those ones that are set in the floor of the church, when I looked down at the date, it was exactly 500 years to the day we were there that was inscribed on it.Spooky.Anyway, I’m waffling again, which is a sign that I must get out and shop.Although I have to say, I quite look forward to it, it’s the only time all week that I really speak to anyone in person, even if it is “do you have anymore parsnips”?!! (how sad is that).Have a good weekend.Love Jayne x
Hi everyone, thanks susan and louise for your messages.
Hi again Jayne, I'm not doing too badly. It's strange really, I'm not
crying as much as I did in the first few months of mums death, I have
the odd moment particularly on the tube when tears spring to my eyes.
But I guess its relatively early days and I realise that it could all
hit me one day.
I think this site and you guys especially help me to keep some
perspective on what's happened, otherwise my grief would have been even
more intense. I'm so lucky to have met you all!
The church has 8 other members of staff, so I'm not alone! My hours can
be a bit strange though, when there is an emergency I have to go in and
fix it...like today, a fuse blew and the lights went out, so I had to
go back to work even though I'd only got home 45 mins earlier!
I know what you mean about old gravestones, I used to go up to Highgate Cemetery, it's such a beautiful place.
My brother and I have been invited by the hospice where mum died to a
meeting with other families who have lost relatives and to meet the
staff who cared for mum. I think their aftercare is great, I might go,
I guess I have nothing to lose.
Hope you’re feeing a little brighter today. Everybody on here has been such a great support to me and I wish there was something I could say or do to help you through the next few weeks. What’s to come sort of hangs over you, doesn’t it? If nothing else I’m a willing “listener”. I too would give anything to turn back the clock and everything be “normal” again. No-one else realises what the pain of losing your precious mum really feels like, do they? I truly understand what you say about the meaning of life. Things often appear quite pointless now, don’t they?
The selling of your parents’ house I know will be hard for both you and your dad. Has he found something else yet? Is he intending moving closer to you? When my dad died I was desperate for my mum to move. I hated going into the house and seeing reminders of my dad everywhere. For some reason, I thought that if there were no reminders of him then we could move on. (totally irrational I know!) Thankfully she didn’t take any heed of me and stayed where she was. I felt so different when Mum died and used to go and sit in the house for ages on my own with my thoughts. We had no choice but to sell it I suppose, but it still upsets me when I pass it. Has your brother had this move planned for a while? All this change is not what you need at this time, is it? I don’t know what I’d do if my brother moved far away just now. He’s all I’ve got left. We’ve become even closer since Mum’s death but we still don’t talk about our feelings to each other very much-another reason for coming here.
Take care Amanda. I’m thinking of you a lot. Please keep in touch. We really do understand. Give your two wee ones, Aaron and Josie a big hug from me. They’ll see you through this.
How are you today? That’s another week over. Where are they going? I wouldn’t mind working flexi time like you. I’m a morning person and would have no problems about going into work early-I’ll have to suggest a continental day!
Did you lose both your parents within a year too Susan? I was lucky as I had a fit mum for just under10 months after I lost my dad. I think of you often and am amazed at how strong you must be to have stayed sane through such difficult times. I had such horrid thoughts after Mum died which I just couldn’t control and if it wasn’t for my GP and Macmillan nurse noticing, I don’t know what would have happened to me. Our mums were such an important part of our lives and they have left a huge void that is so difficult to fill.
Yes I find many of James Morrison’s songs quite poignant too. I listen to them over and over again just now. I’ll have to invest in something else I think.
It’s strange, I’m sitting here typing these messages and have images of you all in my head-very pretty ones I hasten to add!! ( I’m exactly like the web site picture!!) It’s so good to have you all. I had a dream last night that you, Karen, Amanda and myself decided to all meet up at Old Trafford to watch a game and have a “mum chat”. As I was walking through the airport to catch my flight, there was my mum and dad sitting waiting for me. They had only been away on holiday. For the first time I could picture my mum perfectly healthy. I gave them a huge hug and then woke myself up crying and my heart thumping. It felt so real-weird!! I’m afraid I never made it to the game!!! As we've said before, even after all this time I still occasionally think that maybe, just maybe……………
Sorry for rambling. Have an enjoyable weekend, Susan. I’m off to Tesco yet again-it’s too handy!!
How are you today? Any better? Yes, I still, after all this time, have lots of ups and downs too. After having some good days, the bad days seem even worse, don’t they? You’ve gone through such a lot, Karen and as I’ve said before I think you’ve come such a long way already. You’re doing just fine and your parents would be so proud of how you’re coping. It’s just amatter of taking every day as it comes, isn’t it?
I hope you can have a relaxing weekend with your family, Karen.
Take care
Lots of love and hugs
Louise
xxxx
You wouldn’t like to teach me a few DIY skills? I have great difficulty even changing a fuse. I just used to call on my dad for everything.
I hope you get on OK at the hospice. We were never offered anything like that. I did go to the carol service though, and it was good to meet everyone again.
Sorry not to get back earlier, it’s been one of those days and we had friends for dinner! (sadly no parsnips – sorry Liz!!)
The garden sounds lovely Liz and I’m sure as spring approaches you’ll get more and more pleasure from it.We do have quite a big garden but sadly I do not have ay time and we have a neighbour who comes to help keep it tidy! So when you’re ready for that part-time job you know where to come!!You’ll be more than welcome and no cherry trees to give you the odd prod!!
Your GP sounds great, I’ve never met ours but he has looked after my husband very well through both his cancer diagnoses and he thinks he’s very good so that’s the main thing as far as I’m concerned.
I hope you have a good weekend and I think you are sounding a little brighter – is that how you feel?
I’m fine – how are you?I’m not that great first thing in the mornings, better a little later so the flexibility suits me sometimes I’m teaching at 8 or 8.30am and other times much later – that is one of the many advantages of teaching postgraduate students.
Yes I did lose my parents both within a year and actually at the time we were incensed with the Macmillan nurse.At the time we thought my dad was ok, we had no real diagnosis and although we knew he was ill we had no idea how ill he really was.The nurse came in and started talking to Dad and asked him if his affairs were in order and said that at the most he probably had 3 weeks left.We were devastated and my mum asked her to leave, in fact , she was as surprised as we were that we had no idea.After that, my dad did just give up and he died 5 days later, it was awful and my memories of Macmillan unlike most peoples were not very positive until I came here.
Hey Louise, what a great dream!I’m sure that so much could be read into that but what hit me was, there was your mum healthy, after all those not so good memories, there she was and with your dad- how fantastic. Louise, cherish the dream and the moment, I’m sure she was letting you know they are ok and also maybe (hopefully) that they know you’re among friends and you’ redoing great! It’ll be ok to come to the match and who knows, maybe they’ll all be there looking over us (my mum and dad would be!!)
I’m looking forward to seeing how you get on out and about this weekend!
