my beautiful mum has gone page 2

FormerMember
FormerMember
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hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    hi louise,

    good to hear from you, im glad counselling went ok, as you say yes it is exhausting and hard work isnt it?

    i hope you manage to go out with your friends at the weekend, its strange isnt it louise i used to like going out and being with people but since mum and dads passing i really dont want to do anything.  how are you bearing up as its still early days for you too? i suppose like me one minute your up then your down.

    i hope you have a good nights sleep and a good day at work tomorrow.

    speak soon, love and hugs karen xxx
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

     


    Hi Louise


    Have had a lot of trouble posting tonight!! Still better twice then never!!  Yes my hours do vary, I had a late tutorial tonight started at 7pm for another hour.There are no straight hours, it just depends on what’s happening to whom!  I like that flexibility and we’re used to that at home so it’s fine.


     


    Sorry I had forgotten it was Burn’s night! Nothing much would happen here but it sounds as if you had good fun.  I must say that from the outside looking in, you do put a lot of extra work and thought into your work, to make it fun and applied for the children. No wonder they suggested you apply for promotion!


     


    I do know what you mean about your dad; much the same happened to me, as soon as my dad died, my mum was ill. However, to me, it seems so long since my dad was alive; I can hardly believe it’s only just over 2 years.  I think at the time I just had to put it on one side to look after my mum and really I’ve not been back to “unpack” that!


     


    I hope your work goes well, I’m sure you’ll be all ready in time; I remember saying to Amanda that I find James Morrison quite poignant “I know that it’s a beautiful world but I can’t see it right now!  I have often thought how very true that is!!


     


    Everyone is well here thanks!  Hope you’re ok and that you do get out and about at the weekend.


     


    See you soon and Louise I’m going nowhere!!  I would really miss everyone too much x


     


    Love Susan


     


    PS The problems I had were also related to copying Word documents over – another small glitch!!

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Karen


     


    I hope you are ok, please don’t worry about anything, you’re doing fine Karen and you will get there so just keep hanging in!  It is early days and there really is no easy answer or quick solution we all just need time, some space and most of all understanding and loving people all around us.


     


    See you soon and here's a lovely big hug for you! (())


     


    Love Susan x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Hi everyone,

    I hope you are all doing okay and just wanted to write a quick message before bed. Im sorry Im not writing very often at moment - I do read posts most nights but guess am just having a bit of a bad month. My dad got an offer on my mum and dads house and I know it is for the best especially for my dad, he does find it so hard on his own at night, but I love that house - its not the same since my mum went but it was their house and her kitchen and I just hate all this change. My brother is moving to Thailand soon too - with his girlfriend - I just feel like my family is disappearing and Im just missing mum so much. Ive just been keeping myself busy during days with Josie cause if im home for too long I just think about what 'we should' be doing and this time last year mum wasnt even in hospital yet. I know its probably going to get bit worse as mums anniversary gets closer and Josie birthday arrives - Ill be okay I know, but how I wish I could change things back to how they used to be - I used to really enjoy life and at moment I just cant understand what it is all about. Dont worry about me - honest just having a bit of cry and rant with people that understand. Thanks for listening
    xxx Amanda
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Amanda


     


    I just popped by hoping you had been and I’m so pleased to see you.  I’m sorry that you’re no feeling too good at the moment but it’s all so understandable.  It must be so difficult to come to terms with and I know there’s not much I can say to make it any easier.  I’m sorry to hear about the house and it must be so hard for your dad to know what the right decision is.  In our case, once my mum had died, the heart and soul of their house had gone and it was just never the same for us- maybe it’s like that for your dad?  And losing your brother as well, that’s just an awful blow – is his girlfriend from Thailand?  Why are they moving?


     


    All of these things must just reinforce the “normal” feelings of loneliness having lost our mum’s and best friends – just what you don’t need.  Perhaps your dad will move closer and that will be easier?


     


    I spend so much of my time wishing things could be as they were before so you and me both – if only we could turn the clock back!  I know there’s no need to worry about you, you’re a strong and determined woman Amanda but even so sometimes it’s all just too much and I’m sorry that I can do is tell you that I am thinking of you and sending you a big hug (()) , just to put my arms around you and say it will be ok – not just now but it will be Amanda xx


     


    Love Susan


     


     

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Susan,       


    I hope you and your family are well.  Yes we do have a few things already out in the front garden.  There’s been 3 daffodils out for a couple of weeks now and yesterday I noticed a couple more.  There are 2 hyacinths, snowdrops and a rose!  Mum was really green fingered, she could grow anything.  Its not a big garden but she kept it lovely.  She used to tell me that when people got off the bus and walked by, they used to stop and tell her how lovely it looked.  I doubt anyone will be saying that to me this year!!  I really need to do some serious weeding.  As for the back garden (or should I say postage stamp), it’s a very small patio with plants and shrubs in tubs around the edges.  Most of them are mums, but we dug up some of our stuff (small cherry tree and acer) and also brought most of our tubs with us.  So as you can imagine, we can't move out the back at the moment!!  I tried to put some washing out last weekend and got poked in the back with the cherry tree. (I bet Mum was watching and laughing).  Do you do any gardening Susan and is it large/medium/small? 


    Yes you are so right about this site.  Its here just whenever we all need it, and its easy to express how you are feeling with everyone who really understands. 


    Our GP – yes he’s known the family for a long time.  He looked after my uncle for years.  My uncle had a car accident in 1993, he was in a coma for 3 months and then suddenly one day just woke up.  But unfortunately he lost his long term memory. Couldn’t remember about his marriage, children, grandchildren, nothing.  My aunty looked after him at home up until he passed away in June 2005.  During this time she got breast cancer (is now ok, thankfully).  But our doctor used to just pop round her house to see how they both were, didn’t even have to call him out.


    I’ve just been thinking, I really don’t know how you find time to do what you do.  You go to work, look after a family, mark work AND come on here and reply to everyone.  Do you take any time just for you? 


    Well I suppose I’d better get on and do something, although I would like to speak to everyone individually, because all I ever seem to do is put everyones name on one posting (yes I really am getting so lazy).  I hope you have a good weekend, Love to you and you family, Jayne x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Karen,


    How are you and your family?  Well done in losing 6lb, are you finding it easy?  You’ve just made me think about something.  I bought a new suit back in August in case I went for any interviews.  I doubt if it will fit me now! Ha ha. Its still hanging in the wardrobe with its labels still on it.  I sometimes wish we had a dog, at least it would get me out.  All we have is a mad budgie, and I’d look a bit daft taking him out.  Although he gets loads of exercise as we only shut his cage when we go to bed.  He spends most of his time out bothering us, or trying to see what we’ve got for dinner!  Hope you have a good weekend, Love Jayne x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Louise,


    I’m ok thanks, how are you?  The big bush…….. er, I don’t know if it was anything important, but too late now.  Yes I do sort of enjoy gardening, but I feel that I have to keep things nice for Mum.  She was absolutely obsessed with cutting her grass.  It had to be kept like a bowling green.  That’s my husbands job!!  I’ll look after the planting. I can understand what you say about your Dad teaching you things.  My Mum did too, although I keep wanting to ask her “what can I put in now Mum”.  We still get her gardening catalogue come here and we’re not going to cancel it because I like to think when I’m looking through it, she’s sitting next to me reading it too.  Wow! 5000 bedding plants, I can imagine it.  I had visions of your Mum trying to put her washing out while I was reading your post, it made me smile, thanks for that.  I wish we had a greenhouse, but it would take up the whole back garden, so not an option.  We have one of those little plastic grow house thingys.


    It’s great that you have a good doctor too.  I hope you get on ok when you see him next week. 


    Best get off now,  take care, Love Jayne x.

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember
    Louise,

    Forgot to say, have a good meal.

    Love Jayne x
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Amanda,


    So sorry you are having a bad month.  Why is it that some days we are ok and then others it just hits you again.  Its like being on a flipping roller coaster!  I cried when I read your post.  I really feel for you about your Mum and Dads house and your lovely Dad must be feeling so many different emotions right now.  And now your brother is moving to Thailand, why?  I know you’re missing your Mum so much, the desperation in your post comes through so strong.  This time last year my Mum wasn’t in hospital either, she wasn’t really showing any signs of even having leukaemia.  It just doesn’t seem possible does it?   And you have Mums anniversary getting closer and also Josie’s birthday.  I wish I could change things for you too, and everyone else on this site, just to be able to undo everything that’s happened, wouldn’t it be so lovely.  I’m certain your Mum is still with you, and she’s watching everything you and Josie are doing, and she’s smiling at all the little things Josie does.  Trust me, mums are never far away.  I hope you can try to get through this weekend, I’ll be thinking of you, Josie and your Dad.  Give Josie a hug from me.  Love Jayne x