hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
Hello Karen, Susan, Amanda, Louise,Jane and Joy (maybe we should start an acronym for this!!),
It is snowing here in London, I was quite shocked because I haven't been keeping an eye on the weather forecast.
Anyway just popped in to say good morning and Joy I'm sorry about the loss of your mum, I also find it difficult now that I don't have mum to look to after, I did it for 2 years and it's hard to adjust when you suddenly don't have to be a carer anymore. Being a carer is a way of loving them and then that gets taken away from you, anyway I hope we can be of some comfort to you in the difficult time ahead whilst the reality of what has happened sinks in.
Susan, you asked me what research I am doing, I wish I could say I'm researching something amazing but because I look after an old church building, it's things like fire and water regulations, health and safety issues as we serve the public...pretty boring really but a big responsibility for me....so I'm constantly on the net trying to find things like public notices to dot around the church regarding fire safety....
Hope all of your counselling sessions go well, I have been thinking of going, mainly because I am aware that I'm overworking and trying not to think about the whole trauma of mums illness, but sometimes I think it's just my way of coping or not!?? The whole thing is a bit confusing!
Anyway, off to work in the snow, now where's my bobble hat??
I know that at this moment in time words just aren’t enough but I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. I understand what you mean about the reality of it all as when you're caring for someone, you don’t really have time to think about what's going on, you just do everything you can to make what time they have left more comfortable.But then when the time comes for them to leave and you’ve struggled through the funeral, life just seems so empty and you have the time to look back on everything that’s happened and its only then that it all sinks in.My Mum passed on June 28thlast year and most days I still find myself asking ‘why’.Why my Mum.Do you have a good supportive family?All the people on this site are marvelous, they always have the time to listen.Although I don’t always post on here, I find myself reading all the other posts every day now, and it really helps me.I only wish I had come on here last year when I was so desperate to talk to someone but didn’t know who to turn to.My thoughts are with you, please come back here and talk, I know its very early days for you, but it really does help to share how you are feeling, especially with others who, like yourself, have gone through so much.Take care.Jayne xxx
I'm so sorry to hear abou your mum and this is now such a difficult time for you. Suddenly all the intense pressure has suddenly gone and life is so quiet- with almost no point in anything. You really need to look after yourself now and take everything very slowly, only now can you really start to grieve for what you have lost. Its sounds as if your mum was a very special lady who was loved by so many and it must have been very comforting to see everyone at her funeral.
Please do pop back if you need to talk, we'd be delighted to see you, in the meantime take it easy.
Good to see you, I've been thinking about you. We've not had any snow here in Hampshire, so no need for my bobble hat (thank goodness say my family!!)
I must admit Liz, that I like many others do tend to immerse myself in work, I think that subconsciously we must think that the busier we are the less time there is to think seriously about the situation. That's one of the reasons I fin holiday so difficult and now I need holidays that keep me active and busy - no more realxing on the beach! The most difficult time for me still, is the time I spend in my car - I would spend all this time chatting to my mum (I was T Mobile's best customer!!). I miss this so much and there really is nbody eles who would be able to take Mum's place - we would just chat on for ages, about everything and probably nothing but it was so precious.
Your research is interesting and very valuable for your work, it's great that you enjoy what you do and that you are able to give so much extra. They're very lucky to have you and I'm sure your mum would be so proud of all you are doing.
Hope you're feeling ok ? I'm sure you'll be a great support for Joy as you share your experiences.
Hope you're ok today and it's good to see you. Having read your message I could really identify with what you were saying to Joy about the site. I only found the site a few months after my mum had died - in fact she had asked me to go to a Macmillan Coffeee Morning for her and my dad if she as not able to go. I came onto the site to find my nearest coffee morning and found the messages from Karen and Amanda. In many ways, I do think that I'm here because my mum sent me, I just wish I had found it earlier. It was only when I read the other messages that I realised that the way I was feeling was not off the wall, actually I was one of the special daughters who was fortunate enough to experience a very unique relationship with mum and one that not every one has.
I do think that we are lucky to have met each other and by being able to chat and express our feelings we are able to support each other.
I’m so sorry to hear of your mum. Even although you’re expecting it, it’s still so hard to believe when it happens, isn’t it? It’s now a year since my mum died and my dad died the year before. Even now, I still miss them so much. There were occasions when I felt I wouldn’t get through this year but I have. Take each day as it comes Joy and come on here to talk. Meeting all these people has helped me enormously.
Sorry for sending anxious vibes via the computer!!! How are you today? I came home yesterday, walked the dog and fell sound asleep on the couch. I woke up at 11pm freezing and realising I hadn’t had anything to eat since morning. Needless to say I didn’t get much sleep again last night. Counselling went OK. I took in some pictures of Mum and Dad and also my grandparents. She was genuinely interested in seeing them. In fact she shed a tear when I was talking and said that she has been really touched by my story and the photos made it all the more real to her. Just like you, she said I need to believe in myself. It will just take time (some people find the 2nd year tough too as there are no goal to achieve -Christmas,birthdays etc) but I AM doing OK.
Hi Liz
I’m just rushing off to work but just wanted to say hello. It’s good to hear from you again. I hope you are OK and not working too hard in that church. I so admire what you’re doing.
How are you today?Yes it does sound that your Mum was in some way directing you to this site.It’s strange how things happen sometimes isn’t it.I originally came on here way back in August 2005 when Mum was diagnosed.I came on to see if I could find out more about CML, but then when Mum started getting little things wrong with her (Feb 2006), I’m ashamed to say that I forgot all about the site because I was busy taking her to appointments and rushing her down the hospital to get IV antibiotics.I had signed up for the newsletter by email, and it was when I got one just recently that I thought I would buy a Mcmillan 2007 diary, and it went on from there really.It has helped so much.I was supposed to have gone for counseling last year.One of the counselors from the hospice phoned me up totally out of the blue to see how I was coping.Although I think my doctor had something to do with it because I had gone to him for something else and when he asked how I was, I just broke down.So I think he must have phoned them, he’s the best doctor anyone could wish for, so understanding.He looked after my Mum.He even used to turn up at the hospital and the hospice to see her.He genuinely does care, what I call ‘a real doctor’.I never did go to see the counselor because when I phoned up to cancel the appointment, we ended up talking on the phone for nearly an hour and I felt better afterwards.I feel that everyone on this site has helped me so much, and in a way, to me, you are all my counselors….. so thank you everyone x.
Well, I guess everyone has rushed off to work now.I feel so useless not having a job anymore but hopefully something will come along soon.It’s funny because before Mum was diagnosed I used to say to my husband “can we afford for me to pack up work or at least go part time”.He used to say “no definitely not”.But now look how things turned out!I’m waffling on about nothing in particular again, so better go.Take care.Love Jayne xxx
