hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
Good to hear from you and thank you for your caring words. As you can see I’m firmly embedded here now. It must be so frustrating to have composed messages for them all to disappear. Have you tried copying and pasting from Word? I do that all the time now and on the rare occasion when it doesn’t post, at least I’ve still got the message to try again later.
You and I are about the same distance down this long road, aren’t we? It must have been so hard for you being pregnant and having to go through everything with your Mum too. It will also be a time of really mixed emotions coming up -having Josie’s 1st birthday and then the anniversary of your mum’s death. You have had such a lot to cope with. How is your dad doing? I bet he dotes on your children. They will keep him going. I know what you mean about being lonely. I live on my own and would love to have someone to talk to and give me a hug in the evening (girls, if you know of a handsome young toy boy, send him up my way!!) but I also understand that even in a crowd you can feel so isolated.
Do you still go to counselling, Amanda? I have been about 4 times but am very anxious about going back this week. Last time I was really silly and kept a lot of emotion inside me as I didn’t want to embarrass myself and then I crumbled when I came out. I’ll be more sensible this time though. She says that some people come to see her 2-3 years after losing someone.
I really admire you for completing the Post –Grad course and looking after a family as well. Was your mum ill at that time too? I don’t expect you’ve been able to teach yet. Are you intending to go back? (sorry, I’m asking lots of questions) You will appreciate how much work there is to do. Many people think that it’s 9-3 but I work till all hours. There’s so much pressure to reach targets and always lots of paper work.
I stay very near to a new gym but so far haven’t joined. I’m sure it would help me. I used to swim, play badminton and even ventured to ceilidh dancing but when Dad died I gave everything up to spend time with Mum. I know I must make the effort again.
Good to see you and I hope today has been ok for you – what a relief to have got through the weekend, I bet you feel as if you could just do with another few days off now to recover – some hope now it’s Monday again!
Actually Louise I think that be just being here you are supporting everyone else, we are all able to identify with each other and we all need each other at different times so please remember that.We can all share our thoughts, hopes and sadness and by doing that, I think we do support each other.
I think the memory box is a great idea but I do not have one as such.My mum’s things are all around my house, my office and my car.I try to surround myself with her presence as much as I can.I do have a bottle of her perfume but find that smell just too upsetting as it evokes so many memories.It sounds as if your plans for the counselling session this week is a good idea, there seems to be such much to “unpick”.You really have been through such a lot Louise, just one thing after another.
I hope your posy looked lovely and bright today when you went and that the sun was shining as you both spent some time at the cemetery.It must have been very comforting to be able to go again and spend some time together.
I also have to get ready for the week, yes there always is such much prep and I have been immersed in marking this week so lots of feedback next week – not a great thing to look forward to!
Hope you have a good day and well done – you’ve been great this weekend!
Love Susan x
PS Have just heard on the news that the fittest, healthiest people are dog owners so sounds as if you have not need of the gym just Benji!
Hope your weekend went well, I agree what a lovely thing for Ryan to think about doing. You must be very proud of him and I know that your mum and dad would have been smiling with pride and happiness. It's very unusual I would think for a boy of that age to be so sensitive and thoughtful and he really is a credit to you and to himself. It's just those kinds of spontaneous things that makes you realise what a good jo you have done as a parent and how supportive your family are of both you and your parents.
I hope you are feeling ok after the weekend and youre ready for your next session - is it next week and how are you feeling about it now?
I'll look forward to seeing you soon and we'd better be careful, look what happened today to our team becuase we were thinking about supporting Aberdeen - we lost!! I can see that we're going to have to be very cautious in the future - at least until we win the Premiership!
hiya sharon karen louise ans all things really arnt going to well for me my marriage is falling aparti just feel i dont want to b with my husband anymore and i really dont think i love him i miss my dad so much he would have helped me work out what to do hubby is always having a go at me shoutting and hes always in a bad mood and theres loads i cant say on here i keep thinking things will get better but there not they are just getting worse and i cant cope anymore love alex xxxxxxx
Oh Alex, I’m so sorry. Please take care of yourself. Is there anyone you can talk to? You have been through so much haven’t you? Sometimes it’s just really hard for others who haven’t experienced what we have to fully understand what it’s like losing someone so close. Remember we’re here for you.
Lots of love
Louise
Xxx
Susan
Just rushing off to work. Will talk later. Have a good a day.
Yes, I forgot to mention my doggy walking to Amanda. Although he’s old now we still hike around 4-5 miles daily so I should be quite fit!! We’ve had snow showers on and off here since last night so it was like a skating rink this morning at 6:30. I looked like the Michelin Man (remember him?) but at least I was cosy.
I feel really strange today and am not sure how to deal with the future. It's a bit like Christmas isn't it?-just a reminder that mum is a bit further away. it's just so hard for me to let her go. I’ve put my memory box back in the cupboard again but I did get a lot of comfort from going through everything. I do have Mum’s “precious” things dotted about, but my house is quite small and I don’t have room for much. My brother does have a lot of Mum and Dad’s everyday things in his house so at least the reminders are still there. I sometimes wish I’d done what Jayne did and moved into Mum’s house as it really distresses me having to pass it every day. However, I realise it was just too big for me and although there was plenty of scope for expansion, it would have been too small at first for my brother and his family. Moving out of the area has also crossed my mind but I have super neighbours and it is handy for work. I’m just not sure what to do for the best.
How has your day been? I don’t fancy the marking that you must have to do. It must be so time consuming. What is your subject Susan? I can do my marking in no time but I spend ages preparing exciting tasks to keep them motivated and they complete them in a flash. My headteacher friend pointed out some promoted posts in the circulars today. When I first returned to work after Mum’s death the pressure was really hard to cope with and I had intentions at that time of giving it all up. However, things settled down and I’m really content where I am just now. I just don’t want people to think that I lack ambition. You can see my little “cherubs” if you go to http://www.forehill.aberdeen.sch.uk/ Click on the teddy and go to the categories on the right hand side. The web site is very basic but I’m learning a lot and hopefully I’ll be able to make it more exciting soon. Please don’t feel obliged!!!!
Sorry about Man U yesterday!! Aberdeen didn’t even get to play this weekend because of the weather further south.
Hi Louise or is it Miss Michelin (I guess that’s what the M stands for!! actually I do know now what the M is for after visiting your site and tracking you down!)
I can imagine that today did feel strange and in some ways it’s one of those occasions that we build up in our minds and then they’re gone and you’re back again to where you started – except always a little older and wiser and more experienced at coping.I’m sure you must feel relieved and as I said I hope you feel pleased at how well you managed the weekend (well at least from the outside looking in).
I’m not sure about the moving house, my sister was considering keeping our parents home but we decided that as time went by it just felt like an empty shell without mum and dad- even though all their things were there and we had such happy memories it just had no soul and eventually we both decided that without them it was not our home.I suppose it’s just another example of how everyone copes in different ways and where some find such comfort others do not.
At least for now, it sounds as if you’re in the right place, good neighbours, familiar and comfortable and near your parents still.You have no need to rush into anything, you should just take your time and see how you feel, I think that’s the same for the job.I’m sure that once the time is right you’ll know and you’ll grasp the opportunity.At the moment so much of your surrounding security has gone and you still need to be somewhere where you can be just you, where everyone is familiar with you and it sounds as if they do respect and value your contributions. I think you are being very sensible and again demonstrating your insight and self-belief, it’s great to see that Louise!
I’ve had a look at the site and I’m very impressed – managed to find you- although in the diagram you look a bit scary (like the dress!!).You’ve done a very good job with all that – no wonder they think you deserve promotion!I know that this type of endeavour takes hours but I must say it’s been well spent!
Just in now so off to make dinner, everyone is well here thanks!
hope your weekend went well, especially with all that marking poor you! hope your hubby and son are ok.
what happened to our team yesterday susan? oh well at least were still winning on points!!
yes i have my next session tomorrow afternoon, as usual very apprehensive about it, i think its just the thought of going, once there its not too bad (i hope).
i hope you had a good day at work. have not had too good a day today thinking about mum and dad all day and lots of memories flooding back, mind you its like that most days for all of us isnt it? we just have to try and carry on as best we can dont we?
hope you have a good day tomorrow speak soon, lots of love and hugs karen xxx
so sorry for what you are going through, please try and stay strong, as louise said other people dont realize whats its like when you lose very important people in your life, and they just dont understand unless theyve been there already.
we are all here for you, speak soon, take care, am thinking of you,
I imagine that today has not been a good day because tomorrow is on your mind and it must be all linked together. However, hopefully in the longer term it sounds as if counselling will be the right decision and so for now once again you'll need to grind your teeth and try as best you can. I hope that is the case, perhaps you can look back since your last session and see whether being able to talk has been helpful. I also hope that the more you go, the less apprehensive you will be, because you will have a greater insight into how you will cope both on the day and also pre and post session.
Give Ryan a hug from us and as soon as you feel able, we'd love to see you after tomorrow.
