hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
Just read your post. No you're not being maudlin at all. Its understandable how you feel, especially working where so many people knew your mum. Its so nice that so many people loved your mum, she must have been a very special lady. My brother wasnt sure about us living here in mums house, he said that i would probably feel strange, but in a way i feel even closer to her. I just know that i couldnt have spent another christmas at our old house (just down the road), because i knew last christmas was mums last and if she couldnt be there with us then there was no way i was going to be there either. But like you say, some days are ok, then others are not.
Good to see you, I’ve been thinking about you!Maudlin not at all, reflective- yes- but hey welcome to my life!I’m pleased to hear from you, I do think that you are in a very difficult context and one that I imagine on the one hand I may find quite comforting but actually also very challenging not only because of the situation but also because of the people.I really do not know if I could manage that and I do think you are amazing to still be there.
I do think that wherever you were it is the quite moments that are the worst and I suppose that’s different for each of us – for me that’s in my car.I was always on the phone to my mum early in the morning, last thing at night and really any time in between.Now I have nobody really to call – my husband and friends are of course busy and I find this very hard – even now and it will be 2 years this year. Liz, I do hope that the memories you have, will improve over time, mine have although still at times, it’s not good.I just try to refocus on my many happy memories but it is very hard even now.
What kind of research are you doing?
Hope to see you soon,
Love Susan
PS Good idea to change the numbers of your age around – I might try that one!!
I’m being lazy today and just writing one message.
I just wanted to say thank you so, so much for your lovely messages. I have been on my own today and it’s been hard, but having just logged on here (not like me not to log on every day!!) I have shed a tear. You have just reinforced that I’m not going through this alone. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. For all my friends here, their busy lives continue to move on and not many of them have remembered I lost my wonderful mum and my best friend a year ago today. (mind you, I didn't remind them) It’s funny but I can barely remember what happened yesterday but I can account for every minute of the 20th January last year. I think it will be etched on my mind forever. Where have the days, weeks, months gone?
I collected a beautiful posy from the florist early this morning and as my brother was working I went to the cemetery myself. Eventually I managed to fix the posy to the ground and hopefully it will last a while. I also took my little poem up again. (it blew away last time) I get a lot of comfort from going there still.
Jayne, what a really kind gesture, buying flowers for my mum. Next time I’m at the cemetery I’ll tell her. (I’m mad I know-I talk to them all the time) She would have been so grateful – thank you.
I’ve just negotiated another hurdle but I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do now or how I’m supposed to feel. I expect I’ll just keep plodding on. As you say Susan, having been through everything once you know you will be able to deal with it all next time. When I reflect on how things have been over the past year, I realise that although I still experience an intense feeling of loss and pain inside, it’s not 24/7 as it used to be so I am moving on-am I not????
I hope you are all having a good weekend.
Love and HUGE hugs to you all.
Louise
xxxxx
PS Susan and Karen-Aberdeen would be very grateful of your support. They need all they can get. You wouldn’t even need to change the colour of your scarf!!!
Good to see you, I've been waiting. I'm so sorry that none of us could have been with you physically today but we were in spirit and thoughts. I know that nothing we can see will ever come near to helping ease your pain but we are hereand I hope that we can understand how really awful it will have been today. I remember just not knowing what to do, where to go and really what to say. It is such a huge milestone, on the one hand the memories of the day when your mum dies are so clear and painful and the suddenly it's a year ago. In many ways so near and yet so far and there is the awful worry that the day will be forgotten (as it is by many) and that suddenly because a year has passed people think it's all ok. But we know that is not the case...... it's an ongoing loss and one that probably only we know and comprehend.
You have negotiated a huge hurdle and that is reflected in that you are here talking about how you've coped and how you have indeed been able to make some progress. Your mum and dad would be so proud of you Louise and what steps you are taking.
I'm sure that you have been very anxious about today and how it would go and you'll need to appreciate that and look after yourself now. It will be all very draining, I hope you'll take it easy tomorrow before you face the 28 little faces again on Monday!
As for supporting Aberdeen - well at long as they never play Man Utd I guess we can go along with that - what do you say Karen???
See you soon and here is the biggest hug I can find - you deserve it xx
hi susan yes i agree with you as long as aberdeen dont have to go up against our team i think we can give some support to them (see how much we like you louise!) lol hope you have been ok and your weekend hasnt been too bad this far. my 16 yr old ryan has some christmas money left over susan and he said mum im going to go and buy some flowers with it and go and put them on nan and grandads grave, i thought that was lovely of him bless him! they never seem to amaze you do they? hope your son and hubby are well, enjoy the rest of the weekend will speak very soon, love and hugs karen xxx
hi louise i have been thinking about you today, i bet your flowers are beautiful, your mum and dad would be so proud!! i hope it hasnt been too hard today, as these anniversaries etc., are not very nice are they as all you can seem to do is clockwatch and think this time last year etc., i dont think we notice it too much ourselves louise but you and i and everyone else here are making tiny steps all the time in moving on (i think, and hope), you are like me going to the cemetery a lot and talking to our parents and it gives me comfort the same as it does you.
as for supporting aberdeen, as susan said yes as long as they dont come up against man u!!!!! lol i hope you manage to get a good sleep tonight, as days like this exhausts you doesnt it? i will be thinking about you, love and big hugs karen xxx
hi jayne, marie jane, liz, amanda, alex and sharon
hope you are all ok and your weekend isnt too bad. i think you are all amazing women, and it is some comfort to know we all have each other here to share our experiences with and hopefully it will help us all in the long run. until next time, love and hugs karen xxx
hi amanda hope your ok and you manage to get your posts to stop disappearing as we have missed not talking to you. hope the weekend is going ok for you, and hope your children and your dad are ok. love and hugs karen xxx
I am trying again! I wrote you numerous messages last week and week before but they didn’t show up. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you today on your mums first anniversary, I know how hard this must be for you - my mums first anniversary is fast approaching - she passed away on the 26th February 2006. I have been reading your posts and empathise with so many of the things you say. I often think, like you, that I should be further on in my grieving and shouldn’t be having as many bad days as I do, but I do think as Susan has said, that everyone is different and we will find it will get easier with time, you have lost both your mum and dad so close together and form what you have said - probably did not grieve for your dad as much as you needed too, because you were busy concentrating and looking after your mum, so now you are grieving for them both and the person you would really want to talk isn’t here. But we are and we will all pull together and try and help as much as possible. I lost my mum just after I had her second grandchild - and all through my pregnancy although we know mum had secondary cancer, she was so positive and strong I never imagined that she wouldn’t be here for a good while after my daughter was born, unfortunately it was not to be, she passed away just 11 days after. At moment I just keep thinking of all the things we were doing before it happened - you can hardly believe a year can pass so quickly can you? I talk to my mum all the time too - and at her grave - I cant visit everyday because her grave is near my mum and dads house about an hour and a half away, but I obviously go when I visit my dad at weekends. Louise I know it must be so much harder when you live on your own - I have kids and a husband and can feel so lonely with them around me which to others is so hard to explain, but when your mum was your best friend too you miss so much when they are not around. I know your job will keep you very busy, I completed a primary PGCE in 2005 and know how much of your life is taken up with plans and work etc, but do make sure you have some good quality you time - do you belong to a gym or anything? I teach fitness classes as well and really find it helps my frame of mind going for a workout or teaching my classes, it is also a great place to interact with people on a different level away form kids and work. Anyway just a thought but sorry if not what you are interested in!
Take care of your self and know you are not alone in what you are feeling sending you a big hug and lots of love. (I also wrote a little poem for my mum, ill share it one day when I finally suss this new site out!) xxx Amanda
Found long winded way of getting post on but at least it didnt get lost will try some more tomo. Â But Hi to Susan and Karen I will reply I promise lovely to hear from you again.xxx Lots love Amanda
Lovely to hear from you. I really enjoy getting your posts. They mean such a lot. Although I chat away here, I don’t feel I’m really able to support anyone. I hope you’ve had a good weekend. It goes past so quickly doesn’t it?
Do you have a memory box, Susan? The Macmillan nurse suggested that making one up might help me. I actually got a lot of comfort from putting it all together but I then put it in a cupboard. Last night I took it out and I spent ages looking at everything. For some reason I even have one of Mum’s cardigans in there. I could hardly believe I could still smell her scent on it. Both my grandmothers died just a few months before my dad so I have reminders of them in there too. They were both in their late 80’s but they were very independent ladies right till the end. I loved them dearly too and although they had long happy lives I still miss them. Everything just happened so fast. I think I might try to talk to the counsellor about them too this week.
I’ve just been over to visit my brother and we decided to visit the cemetery together. He was working yesterday and ended up going there in the dark last night. I think he was beginning to wonder if he laid the flowers in the right place!!
Now I’ve got to settle myself and prepare for the coming week. Do you have a lot of preparation to do at home, Susan? I’ve always worked hard at home but sometimes I feel I’m perhaps burying myself too much in it. As I’ve said before, lack of concentration is a big issue at the moment. My mind seems to frequently drift away and everything takes twice as long.
Thanks for the lovely message. As I keep saying to Susan, I get such a lot of comfort from reading them.
What a nice thing for Ryan to do-buy flowers for his nan and granddad. It must have brought a tear to your eye.
How are doing just now? You sound a bit brighter but I bet you still have lots of down times. As you say Karen, we don’t really see it much ourselves but hopefully we are taking tiny steps in the right direction. I must stop getting so frustrated with myself and just try taking each day as it comes. However, some days are still so hard aren’t they? We will do it for our parents though, won’t we?
I hope your weekend has gone OK and I’ll speak to you soon.
