hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
hope you are all well and had a good week. just going out to pick my son up so just a quick note for now.
amanda its great to see you here we have missed you loads!!!!!!!! hope you are doing ok.
i see your all into footy, i love watching it but only man u and england (sorry louise), my hubby is scottish so you can imagine my house when scotland and england play.
louise i should change my user name to karen 40, but i dont want to be reminded how old i am ha ha!
susan i am like you if theres any trouble with my boys thats when i turn into a mad woman - well even madder than normal that is, you feel very protective towards them dont you?
jayne, i hope you have had a good day.
will catch up with you all over the weekend, i hope you all have a good one, i will be thinking of everyone here, lots of love and hugs karen xxx
I’m sorry that yesterday evening was not too good for you, I must say that on many occasions I have found it difficult to reply because the tears were just streaming. No need to apologise, it’s just good to see you came back!
It’s so thoughtful of you to buy some flowers for Louise’s mum and I know that she will be thrilled with that kindness – thanks for thinking of her- in spite of all your own worries.I think that does show that you are starting to move forward and I think it also shows a great deal of insight into how others feel.
It sounds as if your experience today was very special, not silly at all and I would hold on to that and even cherish it.I’m sure your mum was feeling as desperate as you were when she was dying and yet here we are, we have no choice but to carry on and try as best we can.It is so very hard, especially after we have had such special relationships and the acute pain in that void in your chest is just so difficult to cope with.So I would enjoy any such moments and see them as a way of you and your mum still being together, in whatever form that may be.
Any weekend plans for you Jayne?It sounds as if you may be able to get in the garden and prepare for the spring flowering season.
Good to see you and you sound a bit brighter – is that the case?I hope the last few days have been good for you and you’re looking forward to the weekend.Have you got counselling again next week or is it every 2 weeks for you?
Funny isn’t it – here we all are grown women and what do we talk about football!My husband would really have a laugh (!)- still at least we’re all for the red team for Manchesterso that’s great news – no arguments about who will win the Premiership Title!Even Louise will have to join us, but then who shall we support in Scotland?Is it Aberdeen?
I think that Karen40 is not a good way forward; I’d have to run and hide if I had to add my age to my name!!Perhaps I could fool everyone with Susan21 (I know, as my husband says in my dreams!!)
Hi Louise-thinking of you also,particularly this weekend.I think you're doing really well,and i do understand how hard it all is. i thought Jaynes posting was lovely,about her mum seeming to connect to her when she was in the car and the words of that song were playing.I sometimes wish that i could have an experience like that,because i am missing my mum so much at the moment. i think i may have overwatered her umbrella plant,as its not looking happy today!!! luckily,i haven't placed her ashes around it yet.We wont be dealing with those until her birthday on 21st Feb.At least it has some time to recover.If it's not going to survive in my tender care (!) then i dont want to have wasted mums ashes around it so i'm pleased that i do have time to help it to recover.
Hope that you do have a good weekend even though it will be slightly difficult for you.Sending love and best wishes,marie XXX
Thanks for asking how im doing susan. The only answer I can give you is that I just don't know at the moment. Read your posts everyday though (welcome Jayne!)
I am working constantly, even working as soon as i come home after work! I'm straight on the computer and doing something like typing up notes or researching things on the web. Really, I don't have to do this, it's just that I don't know what to do with myself....I know I have said this many times b4 but my mums very last moments is imprinted on my mind, maybe this is why I'm trying to fill every moment with work related things.
Working at the church where mum was well known is odd sometimes, I think Louise asked me if this is a help or not....well sometimes it is, sometimes not. Most of the staff try not to remind me about what happened, alot of the time the congregation comes up to me and tell me how much they loved her, how can I complain about this?!
It's in the quiet moments that it hurts quite a bit, nearing the end of the day and I'm up an 8 metre ladder changing a lightbulb (!!), no one else around and then I see the alter and the seats we were sitting in during the funeral....this must sound so bizarre to all of you!
I had quite a horrible moment the other day, I was clearing up the storeroom a bit and was moving these wooden 'things' about, and suddenly realised they were used for the funerals here to lay the coffins on during the service so had to take a moment and pull myself together.
Sorry if i'm being a bit maudlin...love to you all
