hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
I am new to this. I posted something earlier, explaining how i lost my mum last June, and i dont know where its gone now! I really just needed to tell someone my story. I think i have the web site sussed now.
I have spent all morning reading your letters, i spent all day yesterday crying, and decided to ''get my act together'' today, but have cried again reading other peoples stories.
It really does help knowing that what i feel is the same as other people. For example, i cry when i'm in the car driving, and i also talk to my mum as if shes sitting next to me. Sometimes i think i'm going mad. I miss her so much, i still cant believe that she has gone. she was going into hospital to have a knee replacement, then she was diagnosed with leukeamia, then she was gone.
Hope you dont mind me reading your post, i find your talks very comforting.
Good to see you and well done on getting to counselling. It sounds as if it's just what you need and I really hope that you will feel some benefit over the next few weeks and months.
I agree that this is a great forum for us to talk and it is counselling - the best thing about it for me is that we can all truly empathise with each other and it's such a relief to know that there are others who do understand how you're feeling and you're not completly mad! For me being here with you all has been very important in my own healing and grieving process and I really need to thank-you for starting this all off. Somehow the fact that we have never met face-to-face is insignificant, funny that, I have felt more comfortable sharing my feelings here with people I have never met. But we do have something special that joins us all together and sadly that is our loss and our need to be able to talk about that together. It would be lovely to think about our parents all sat somewhere doing the same thing - hoepfully on a warm sunny beach!
I'm doing ok Karen, thanks for asking, so you can look ahead and see that even though my life will never be the same and it is very hard, it is also possible that things will get easier and you will start to feel better. But for now it's very early days and you're doing all the right things so that's the best you can do and your parents would be so proud of the way you ar trying Karen.
my heart goes out to you as i know how you are feeling, losing your parent/parents is one of the worst things to go through isnt it?
i lost my dad to lieukemia oct 05, he only had a week from being diagnosed then he was gone, it is such a shock and very hard to deal with isnt it? i know how you feel when you say you think your going mad, i talk to my mum and dad a lot every day, and when im driving, and at the cemetery, it helps to feel connected to them doesnt it?
you come here whenever you want to, we are all here for you, i look forward to speaking to you soon, love and hugs karen xxx
If anyone moans on here, it’s me and certainly not you. You and Susan have been such a support to me and I’m much further down the line than you. This is an outlet for us to air our true feelings and emotions and chat to people who are going through similar experiences and have a real understanding of the heartache we are suffering. As you say, it’s another form of counselling isn’t it? From what you say Karen, I think you are doing brilliantly, considering everything that you’ve been through and I really admire how you’ve taken positive action to help yourself move forward.
I’m glad counselling went better yesterday. I was thinking of you a lot. You do feel rather “washed out” afterwards though, don’t you?
I’ve had an OK day. Being kept busy at work helps a bit. It’s when I come home that my mind often starts working overtime and these intense feelings of loss still overwhelm me at times. However, I know things will get better and I have to accept that for me it will just take longer.
I’m not long home. Wednesdays are meeting days (boring!!!) so I’m off to have something to eat. Speak soon
Lots of love
Louise
Xxx
ps You’ll have to change you’re username to Karen40 now!!!
You were a bit of a night bird last night, weren’t you?
Hope your day has been OK-half way through the week already. I’m not too bad thanks. You have to just get on with life, haven’t you? As much as I would like to, I can’t turn back the clock and I have to make myself understand that this is how it is now. It’s hard though isn’t it? I always feel I should be appreciating my life so much more now having experienced death at close hand but some days I just want to hide from it all. However, I’m really trying to make an effort this week to think more positively (don’t know if it’s working!!!) and for my Mum and Dad, I WILL get through this, even if i do take longer than most.
As I said to Karen, I’m just home. We have weekly staff meetings on a Wednesday and they tend to go on a bit. I’m off to have something to eat now and think positive thoughts!!! I see there's football on TV tonight. My dad made me into a real football fanatic so that may keep me focused for a while.
Pleased to meet you. So sorry to hear about your Mum. It must have been such a shock for you. I've been speaking to these fantastic people for quite a few weeks now and knowing that they're there to chat to and give advice has helped me enormously. We are all at different stages in the grieving process and it's so good to share experiences and hear how others are coping.
Thanks so much for replying. Ive felt so alone these last few months. Although i have a fantastic husband, i dont always want to burden him with my troubles.
I stopped working in May of last year to look after mum at home. Then she got quite poorly to the point where she could hardly walk because she became so weak and so finally went to a hospice. She was really quite perky right till the end, which made it so hard because its as though she wasnt ready to go, she didnt even look ill. She couldnt bear the thought of anyone living in her little bungalow so my husband and i said we would move in and keep it just how she liked it. So after she passed away in June we put our house up for sale. We moved into mums on Dec 13th. I sit here most days, its as though if i sit here long enough, she will come through the door again.
I didnt go back to my job (many reasons) and so am looking for another job now (part time), i dont feel i could do full time work anymore. I have to start doing something, i know mum wouldnt want me sitting here all day crying and moping about. But as i'm sure you all know, some days are harder than others. There you are going about your every day things, and wham, something happens to remind you of them, and off you go crying again.
I know mum is with dad now and they are well and happy. I've had a few signs that she is still about. Mum used to come to us for Sunday dinner, and two Sundays running after she had passed, i smelt her perfume quite distinctly. (this was while we were still in our old house). Other strange things have happened that neither my husband or i can explain. I just know mums here some days but i miss not being able to cuddle her and give her a kiss.
Thanks again for replying and listening (so to speak). I guess if i dont get a job soon, i will be on here everyday !!
Thanks for your messages and it’s good to see you here- you are very welcome!
A lot of what you say is familiar,I always used to phone my mum when I was in the car, she lived a long away from me and that was a great way to keep in touch. I would always call her on my way to work and from work and I miss that so much.
My husband and family have always been very supportive but I think there does come a point where you feel that everybody else is thinking o other things and they have moved on –while we seem to be forever going around in circles!
Everyone here is at a different step in the grieving process and that I think it of real comfort to others.I have found it very reassuring to know that the way I feel is not unusual or unexpected; rather, it reflects the special relationship I had- especially with my mum.
As well as caring for and losing your mum, you have also been through a difficult time selling your home and leaving your job.We had to sell my parents home, although I do like to drive past and I find it quite upsetting that the new residents have dared to change things!As I was saying to Louise, many a time I think if I call the house, my mum will answer just as she always did, I know that can never be – but- there is always this little niggle – what if she did!
Karen is like yourself planning to look for a part-time job so perhaps you can share your experiences.I have found my work to be one of the reasons I have been able to carry on – I had no choice but to get up and go and as time have passed I have been able, at some extent, during some parts of the day, to take my mind of how I am feeling.However, as you say, some days are better than others and Jayne, the only it of advice I feel able to pass on, is that it does all take time and so much of it.There is no easy way that things get better and the sadness decreases and in any ways the depth of sadness, grief and loss is only equal to the depth of love and affection we had for our mums.
I’m sure she is watching over you and being so very proud of how you are trying your very best, but she, just like you, will appreciate how difficult this time is – so no need to rush- just take your time and don’t worry about your feelings, they are I’m sure quite normal given all that has happened.
I hope you will join us in our discussions and will look forward to speaking again soon.
Yes I was up late last night, catching up on a few chores left from the weekend!Actually Amanda was our night bird – always ironing in the early hours, I wonder what has happened to her.If you’re around Amanda, I know it’s difficult to pop by but I have been thinking about you and your Dad since Christmas.
Anyway Louise, sounds as if the week is going ok?I can understand what you say about feeling that we should appreciate life so much now.I may have said already (sorry!)but my husband has also had cancer twice over the last few years. The first time he had Non Hodgkins Lyphoma and the outlook was poor, but after chemotherapy he recovered and has been since.However while my dad was in hospital, he was diagnosed again with a different form of caner and he had extensive surgery at the Marsden in London.I spent all my time travelling between the ICU and the hospice for a little while.However, he now is fine again and I know that we are so fortunate now to have another chance and I understand that everyone says you have to make the most of every day and every opportunity.But it’s so easy to say and not so easy to put into practice – especially if it’s one of those days when all you want to do is talk to your mum and tell her what’s been happening.
I think you are doing very well Louise and you’re trying your very best, of course, some days will be a little easier than others and as long as these increase slowly but surely then you can guess you’re doing ok.You have a lot of share with others and I think this will be a great comfort to them but also will hopefully reinforce for you how you are doing.
Now as for football, well I’m your woman!! Mine is a football mad household and we rarely miss any matches. So who do you support and what have you been watching?
Again Amanda could help us here, her dad is a coach and she was always watching his team on Saturdays.
Hope the rest of the week goes well and you’re keeping dry and warm afer your walks with Benji!
