hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
Such a lovely, crisp, sunny day here and I hope that it is up there too.Did you go out last night, I hope you did and that it was worth making the effort.Are you feeling any better this weekend, I appreciate it changes day to day but again I’m hoping that the weekend has been good to you.
I can identify with what you say about going to the cemetery, both my parents were cremated and whilst there is a “space” we can go to in, it’s a long way away from here – way up North!So that is not feasible for me – all I have are my many photographs and what’s in my head!I have mentioned before that some times I have a real urge to call my parents home or my mum’s mobile, I know that they’re not there but there is always this irrational little niggling “ I wonder if”.You should go to wherever you feel at ease and comfortable whenever you can and I think you’re lucky to be able to do that.
We have been away to friends this weekend and I have really enjoyed the break but it’s always good to be back home!I hope the week goes well and that you are increase your own level of confidence in yourself and how well you are coping.
It sounds to be as if you have a good GP who has a very sensible approach to bereavement and loss. I'm sure she's right about having to face everything and let all your feelings out. At some time it does all have to be addressed and it may be that although medication may help you in the short term, in the longer term we have no option but to accept the loss and try to adjust to the new situation.
It just seems to be different for everybody and I suppose that GP's need to be able to decide what may suit each patient depending on their own context. I think your counselling is this week and I hope that it will prove to have long term benefits although as others have said it will time and perserverance and I suppose you'll need to be objective about how it works out for you. Well, Karen, the really good thing is that you are being proactive about moving foward and that is very positive and I'm sure what is needed to make this very difficult time more bearable for you.
Hope the boys are ok and that your weekend has been good.
Hi Louise-How are you doing today? I hope that you are feeling a little better and that the weather has been bright enough for you to make a trip to the cemetry today.My mum was cremated so i haven't got a spot to visit.dad has her ashes and we are going to sprinkle them on one of her favourite local spots on her birthday in February.Also,i'm going to have some of the ashes to put around the Umbrella plant that i bought in her memory and which is in our lounge.A friend bought me a white Chrysanth. when she heard that mum had died,and i planted that in my garden this morning so i have a place indoors,and also one outside,that bears some significance as regards to my mum.There's not one single day that goes by when i don't think about her and knowing that i will never see her again is really hard to accept.I think it still seems a little unreal at the moment although of course,i do know just how real it all really is.I saw a photo of her the other day,which i had put away because it was taken in the last weeks of her life and i hated it because she looks so near to the end in it.I remember thinking when she gave it to me-"i don't want this photo!" but of course,i accepted it,because she and i both knew it would be the last one i ever had of her.I would like to get rid of it,but i don't feel that i can.I've looked out photos of her as she was,and have them where i can see them if i want,but this last photo keeps coming back to haunt me,even though it's tucked away,i can see it as clearly as if it was in front of me.I really want to try to picture my mum in her healthier days but it's almost impossible.I think it's going to take me a very long time also and knowing how bad i feel makes me understand how bad it still is for you also.Don't worry about it.there is nothing that you can do to make it any less painful except take some time each day to just be kind to yourself.The fact that you loved your parents so much is to be commended and the fact that you are still suffering their loss only proves what a kind,compassionate and caring person you must be.Some people might be able to get over such things quicker,but they may be lacking the depth of feeling for others that you clearly have,and i truly believe that having this means that you are the kind of person who truly values and appreciates life,and having people like this in the world can only make the world a better place for the rest of us!!!!! I hope you did get out to see your friends last night.best wishes,Marie. XXXX
hi sharon louise and karen sending u all big hugs back im trying to work this out the new site i cant get on with it the last one was much better i cant find any of my postslove alex xxxxxx
Glad you had an enjoyable weekend away. I can identify with what you are saying about coming home though. I did eventually go out last night. There were lots of people there so I didn’t have to get too involved in conversation making. When Dad died I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Mum on her own so I gave up vitually all my social activities to be with her. Now I’m often more relaxed and feel more secure just curled up on the sofa. The counsellor told me not to feel pressurised into doing things I feel unfortable with at the moment but I know deep down I’ll have to start making a conscious effort to go out and about more. Sometimes in my head it still feels so wrong though.
It’s been a beautiful day here too. I went to the cemetery this morning. I’d never really thought of it before but yes, I am lucky to be able to go there. Many people like you, can’t. When Dad died, I couldn’t understand why my Mum often wanted to go there. I always took her as she wasn’t the most confident of drivers on a busy road (Dad always did the driving) but I hated it. At the time I felt I could remember my Dad without going there but in a way it now feels as if i was in denial and avoiding the stuation we were faced with. I just didn’t want to believe that my dear dad was actually buried there. Now I spend a lot of time there. My dad was a really keen gardener so I have tried and plant a variety of flowers to keep the spot bright and colourful all year round. There are lots of rabbits though!!
I fully understand what you mean about the phone. I’ve done that too. I’ve also had similar experiences when I travel to work. I have to pass the back of my Mum and Dad’s house every day and I keep looking over-just in case!! With the leaves off the trees I can see in the window. It brings me right back down to earth when I see someone else at the kitchen sink. I'm having so many irrational thoughts at the moment.
I hope you have a good week Susan. I will try really hard too.
Thank you for that lovely message. I realise that you too are finding it so difficult to come to terms with your loss. It’s such early days for you and you can expect your emotions to be very raw at the moment. I have had the time to reflect and try to acknowledge and accept what's happened but my parents meant the world to me and even at this stage I’m still having really bad patches where I’m finding it so hard to continue without them. I just hope things get easier soon. They would have hated to see me like this. Like you, I do have a belief that death is not the end and it does bring me some comfort believing that my parents are together again as Mum looked so lonely after dad died.
What a lovely idea with the umbrella plant. I read the post you had written on another thread and it brought a tear to my eye when your son announced that would be “Nanny’s Place”. I too have planted a little tree outside in memory of Mum and Dad. My dad was a very keen gardener and nearly always won a prize in the local “Britain in Bloom” competition. When he died I took over the upkeep of the garden till it had been judged. He won first prize- a whopping £50!!-so Mum insisted that my brother and I share the money. She died before I got round to spending it but I bought a little Japanese Maple a couple of months ago. I just hope it survives the winter.
I can’t really picture my mum as a healthy happy person either and I so,so want to. My brother sent a photo he took of her in the hospice to my phone the other week.( I stupidly asked him to as was the last photo of her) I can’t face the idea of wiping it off now but, like you, it upsets me so much when I look at it.
Just wanted to say that I hope your appointment goes well today Karen. If you're anything like me you'll be exhausted afterwards but hopefully you'll benifit from it in the long term.
I've just walked the dog. Now i'm away to get organised and shoot off to work.
