hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
Thanks for your message again. It’s so good of you to take the time.
It’s not been an easy day at all for me, just don’t think I can go on like this much longer. I wish I could just accept how things are at the moment and take each day as it comes but I can’t. I get so agitated about how I’m still feeling some days. The counselling session did not go so well this week. I felt unable to really open up and was always conscious of trying keeping a lid on my emotions ( silly, I know) but the tears started as soon as I came out. I have no recollection of driving home, collecting the dog and heading to the beach. It wasn’t till the water came trickling over my feet that I realised where I was. It was pitch black and I really scared myself. However, I got myself home and have just been dozing on the sofa. You are right, these days are very draining. Why, oh why can’t I pull myself together? I’m trying so hard. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll see things more positively again. Like you all, I just miss them both so much still.
Sorry for off loading again. Hope you have had a good day Susan. Do you work every day?
Love Louise xxxx
Hi Karen
How are you today? I hope you are more relaxed after your session yesterday and have been feeling more able to cope. I’m thinking of you lots.
Love Louise xxxx
Hi Liz
Just to say I, like Susan, have great admiration for you. It must be so difficult working in the church with all the memories of your mum still around. You sound as if you’re doing so well though. Keep in touch.
my real first session with counsellor is on tuesday, will just see how it goes.
i can relate to what you said about some people you know not being all that close with there parents, theres not many people i know who are either, and i suppose counsellors see many of these people all the time, so i wont take much notice of what she said at the moment.
i have an appointment with doctor today dont know what she will say or do but will give it a try.
anyway susan, have a good day, speak soon, love and hugs karen xxx
its good to see you here. hope you are bearing up.
i know what you mean about the horrible images you have in your head, it is all you can see sometimes isnt it? i am sure they will lessen though with more time, i now have mixed images good and bad.
i also admire you for working at a very difficult place, with the memories you have all the time around you, but at least all the people there knew and loved your mum, do you find that a little bit of a comfort or very hard?
i am sure your mum is very proud of you.
hope to speak soon, take care, hope you have a good day,
Hope your appt went well, you do sound a bit brighter - are you? I'm sure you have nothing to lose by exploring any options that are around which may help you come to terms with what has happened and it seems as if different people react in different ways. So perhaps the best thing is to try to keep an open mind and see how things go - especially on Tuesday.
If the experience of others is anything to go by, I imagine this will be exhausting both physically and emotionally so I would be prepared for that. I'll hope to catch up with you again before then, in the meantime look after yourself and here's a hug(( ))
I’m sorry about yesterday and wish there was more than I could do to try to reassure you that it’s ok to feel as you do – why are you so worried about it?. Forget what anyone says about how much better you should be feeling and how long has passed – this has been awful for you and of course it will take a long time for you to recover. It must be like some frustrating cycle for you where you feel as if you’re not making the progress that you feel you should be doing and that makes you feel even worse. I would hope that the counsellor is able to reassure you that this is not abnormal or I would suggest unexpected, but I suppose you do need to feel at ease really explaining why you feel the way you do. Many people find it so hard to deal with the loss of one parent, let alone two so please do allow yourself the space you need.
I can honestly say that I never thought I would be able to get on with my life without my parents – especially my mum and it has taken me such a long time to get to where I am. But you need to have confidence in yourself that no matter how long it may take, you can get there, and I am sure you will. You have a great deal of insight into where you are and where you want to be – probably too much but you do need to talk it through with people with whom you feel you can be yourself and express how you are feeling and why you feel that way.
I hope today was better – the Bear Factory I believe!Hope it all went well and I’m only sorry that I was not there to see the happy smiling faces of your class!!My own students have just left after being here all week so I can just have 5 mins to catch up with friends before I go home!
See you soon and I remember someone saying to me – you must be kind to yourself!
Lots of love and be careful with Benji in the cold, dark weather!
HI SUSAN KAREN AND LOUISE IM BACK NEEDED ABIT OF TIME TO MYSELF HAD A VERY BAD FEW WEEKS IVE LOST 3 UNCLES SINCE 18TH OF DEC JUST HAD TO HAVE SOME TIME TO COME TO TERMS WITH IT ALL LOVE ALEX XXXX
Good to hear that you’re back Alex. I’m so sorry for you. You’ve had a desperately difficult time haven’t you? It’s awful how life can sometimes throw one bad thing after another. You are just beginning to come to terms with one loss when- bang – something else happens. I wish you lots of strength to get through these difficult times.
As you can see I’ve become quite a regular here too. These fantastic people are helping me such a lot.
How are you today? I hope you got on OK with your appointment this afternoon. A little extra support from your GP or counsellor may help you on your way to getting through this extremely difficult time. It’s such early days for you still. The counselling sessions are very draining and it will take time to build up a relationship. I have now been four times and although the counsellor is lovely, I still don’t feel totally relaxed with her. I only go once a fortnight just now ( they squeezed me in as an emergency) and hadn’t been since the beginning of December so it may take a session or two to feel comfortable again. I will go again though as I know I need some sort help at the moment.
Please take care Karen and let us know how you’re doing.
Sorry for “losing it” last night-just didn’t know what to do with myself.I sometimes feel as if I was coping much better a few months ago. I am quite a quiet person (except in front of children!!) and do sometimes lack confidence in my own abilities. Just now I think people will see me as being weak if I say that I’m still not coping too well so I say nothing (except here) and everything builds up inside me. You’re right, it is like a vicious circle just now and the more I worry about my lack of progress in the healing process compared to others, the worse I feel. I know I’m acting like a child and as I said to the counsellor, I dread to think what my parents would say if they saw me in this state. When I read the messages on this forum, I realise that there are so many remarkable people out there coping with so much more than me.
You seem to have managed so well Susan and I hope that soon I’ll be able to follow in your footsteps and make my Mum and Dad proud.
