hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
great to have you back and i hope you had a well deserved break and rest. hope you managed to get through your mums birthday ok these anniversaries etc. are so hard arent they? reliving all your happy times together. i finally made it to counseling today, it was very hard and very sad but she said i should benefit from seeing her and there are a lot of issues she can help with, well we will see!! i was a bit concerned about something that she said, she asked how my childhood was, and i said it was wonderful and she was amazed that i had said that, she said nobodys childhood was like that, but susan mine was, and my parents were wonderful people and we were very close all through there lives, so am a bit worried about that aspect of it, what do you make of that?? i was going to try to start a job this week but i just havent got the heart for it at the moment, i think it would probably help if i could though, i am still not sleeping well and i am in bed a lot of the day still as thats where i feel comfort and safe, just cant seem to get into a routine of any kind, but i think this is all normal isnt it? still early days only 4 months from mums passing tomorrow. well its great to see you back and i wish you a good week susan.
hope you had a good day at work today, and its helping you some. it must have been terrible for you to find your mum like that, your parents were also young like mine, 61 and 60, the age thing is a real issue with me, is it for you? do you have any brothers/sisters or anyone close to talk to? i went counseling today, dont know if it will help or not we will see. she wants to see me next week. well i hope you get some sleep tonight and have a good day tomorrow. love and hugs karen xxx
hope you are ok. i know what you mean about not having a good day since since the passing of your mum, i am the same, this ache and loss and deep sadness the whole time that wont go away, some days are worst than others, hopefully time will ease all of this some for us. take care, love and hugs karen xxx
You sound really low tonight. Have just been reading your post to Susan and I'm glad you managed to make it to the counselling session. Some of them do delve deep into your past in order to help you but was a strange thing to say that no-one could have a wonderful childhood. I grew up in such a loving home too. Yes, there were times, especially as a teenager, when my parents annoyed me intensely but that was all part of growing up and branching out on my own. They were always there for me and their love for me and my brother never wavered.
Have you ever been to a doctor since your Mum died? I hadn't been near a doctor in years but a few weeks after Mum became ill I was forced to go as my work was suffering. Although difficult to diagnose, he thought I was suffering from depression brought on by all the tauma. Perhaps you're the same.
You parents were young for this day and age weren't they? My parents were a few years older but were still so full of life and had still so much to give.
I hope that after your counselling today you'll feel a bit better. Take good care of yourself , Karen.
Finding this site hard to "get round". Don't think it's very user friendly-maybe it's not finished yet.
Thanks for you message this morning. I do hope I will soon have better memories of my Mum. I have photos all around the house of them both but it is difficult to focus on them. All I see is her gaunt face in her final days. As you say, things will improve. Deep inside me I know that. It’s just difficult when I’m going through a bad patch to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm going back to my counselling tomorrow-just hope I don't embarrass myself by getting too emotional again!!!
How was your day? What do you work at Susan?
I'm off to sit and try and chill out in front of the TV for a while and hopefully get a better sleep tonight!!!!
You sound as if you need a big hug, I’m sure today must have been exhausting both physically and emotionally and you have done great to get through it.I imagine that it takes a while before you feel any benefit and I would expect that certainly the first few times it will be very difficult.I also had a very happy childhood and I do not think that is unusual, however, I can see that from my experience since my parents died, it may well be that we are in a minority – hence the reason why so many of our friends find it hard to identify with how we are feeling now.Of all the people I know, none have been that close to their parents and it may be that the counsellor is more used to seeing people who fall into that category.I really would not read too much into that and I would just try to take each session as it comes (fine for me to talk I haven’t been!!)
As for finding a job I know how hard it is to muster up any enthusiasm for anything unless it has to be done.I had a job where I had to go back as there was nobody else to cover and to be honest it has really helped me – but there was no choice.If there had been I think it would have been difficult, to make the decision to go out looking.In my opinion, it is still early days and if you can wait then that may well be more beneficial for you.I remember Amanda saying that on the days she does not work, she has to plan things to do just to make sure that she does get out and about and to add some structure and routine to the day.I know that after my dad died, my mum also tried this strategy at least while she was well enough.But at the end of the day, no matter what we do, however busy we try to be, there is no hiding from the pain and the loss and the time it takes to start the process of coming to terms with everything that has happened.
Look after yourself Karen, and I’ll see you soon,
I know what you mean about the site, hopefully it will improve!
As for the memories I do hope that does get better for you as it has for me, some days the images of my mum and dad are not what I want to remember and I really make a conscious effort to put them out of my mind by focusing on happier times – but it is difficult.Everything can be very frustrating at times and there certainly is no easy answer.
I hope your session goes well tomorrow I can appreciate that you must get very apprehensive, but I think that the counsellors will expect that you will get emotional as the whole experience has been very traumatic.Perhaps by talking your way through the experience and having the opportunity to express your emotions and feelings, you will be able to find some comfort and the not so good days will be replaced by better ones.I think that both you and Karen are very brave to go for these sessions and I hope that in time you will both feel the longer term benefit.
Yes you do need to snuggle up in front of the TV to relax before you face both the counsellor and the Bear Factory J
See you soon and here’s a big hug (())
Lots of love Susan
PS Like you I am a lecturer but only with big people (or should that be “old” people!)all my students are at postgraduate level. Having said that I’m sure they would leap at the chance of coming with you on Thursday rather than listening to me!
I hope you don't mind me popping in on your thread from time to time, but I have been following your conversations for quite a while and I too lost my beautiful mum.....
Nice to have you back Susan and thanks for your message. I am at the stage where if anything goes wrong, particularly at work, I will get very upset and will go off in a huff and need to be on my own (a bit like a 4yr old child who's been sent to sit on the naughty step!). Other times, I'm quite calm and refuse to think about mum dying, because when I do think about it all I can see are her last breaths.
Yes, it's hard working in a church at times, in fact I work at the church where my mums funeral was held, as she worked there aswell for many years. I know it must sound odd and I am not particularly religious (I am a Carpenter and painter and now I am the caretaker at the church).
So, the memories are everywhere.....even her coffee cup is still here and her name is still on the staff phone number list. And then there are the members of the congregation who knew mum and want to talk to me about her illness all the time, this I can't complain about because they all loved her so much....
We're delighted you're here and you're most welcome. I think you are in a difficult situation moreso because of where you work and all the associated memories that must bring up every day. I'm not sure how I would be able to face that and I have a lot of admiration for you - it's really no wonder that it has been so challenging for you. I suppose that everyone thinks they're trying to help in their own way and I'm not sure whether you think that is better that meeting up with people who do not what to say and they would rather just ignore what has happened. Perhaps somewhere in between would be best?
Anyway I just want you to know that you're not alone and I think you're doing very well in the circumstances and I'm sure your mum is very proud of you.
Hope today went ok, I imagine you are feeling exausted and drained emotionally and physically. I hope you are having an early night and looking after yourself.
I have been thinking about today and wishing you well,
