my beautiful mum has gone page 2

Hi Louise

Thanks for your post.  I don’t know about the back.  I keep thinking if I forget about it, it’ll go away, but its started to affect my neck now, sometimes I can't lean forward or turn my head!!  I don’t know what to think. Maybe I read too much on here on other posts and am becoming a hypochondriac ??  its got to the point where I almost daren't tell my husband when I get another symptom !!!

Yes, I told my bro about the jobs, but they're always so wrapped up in their own little bubble that they don’t really take a lot of notice about anyone else, that’s why they forgot the 2 dates I suppose.  he was going on about one of his fish not being well !!  (he keeps koi carp, really BIG ones, and they're like his babies !!!  personally I think he has got his priorities wrong, but there you go.

I'm so sorry about your brother, but its good that he can show his feelings in front of you, mine would never do that.  And he shouldn’t feel foolish, nor should you.  It does take a long long time Louise, as I keep saying (like an old worn out record I am), I STILL cry for my Dad, even after 13 years.  And I don’t feel foolish for it at all.  I just loved him so much, and really miss him.  He had such a great sense of humour and I miss that.  You shouldn’t feel selfish either Louise, you both need each other and its good that you are there for each other.  That’s great news about your sister in law, I'm sure in time you will find out all the details, they probably don’t want to worry you, so just let it ride and they will tell you in their own time.  At least she's ok, which is the best news.

Sorry, I haven’t a clue about laminate flooring, we are soooo old fashioned and have carpets.  My Mum had only just bought a new carpet in the living room, its lovely, but cream.  In fact she was so worried about it, when she was in the hospice, she said to me ‘don’t let George walk on it in his work boots will you, ask him to come through the garage’.  Bless her, she was thinking about things like that with just a few weeks to live !!!  unbelievable really.  We just sorted her chest freezer out, she had told us to eat everything up that was in there, but we only managed to eat the meat and chops and stuff, never got to the bottom of it.  But we found bags of vegetables that her (our) neighbours had grown on his allotment last year, so we have enough vegetables to keep us going for about 4 – 5 weeks. 

The roses sound beautiful, your Mum and Dad will love them, I think they will last longer than the freesias, so good choice.  Your garden sounds lovely as well, I love roses.  My Dad liked them too, he used to graft them together to make different colours.  Louise, WHY must you stop going to the cemetery so often?? I don’t understand.  If my mums ashes had been able to be put with dads, I would go every week too.  But it didn’t work out like that for us.  I feel quite sad that they're not together, but I'm hoping they're together in spirit.  In fact, I'm sure they are.  That’s the only thing that keeps me going Louise. Its good that you feel near to them, I think in a way that’s why I've still got mums ashes here in the bedroom, I feel like she's next to me.  I know I do have to put the rest in the garden, but its just when.  All in good time, when I'm ready. 

Don’t answer if you don’t want Louise, but what date did you lose your Dad?  It just doesn’t seem possible does it, how quick time goes.  I don’t think people understand how we still feel do they?  They seem to think that after a few months or years that we must feel ok now, but I know I don’t.  I too feel like it was only recent, I can remember events so vividly with my Dad.  Don’t worry about taking your dads photos down, it was just a shock reaction and I'm sure your Dad would have known that.  It wasn’t being heartless Louise, he will know that it was too painful for you to look at them, he will understand.  All we have to remember is, our mums and dads are ok now and they're together and happy.  I cling on to the fact that I just know I will see them again, we have to have something to keep us going Louise, this can't be it, surely??

Enough of this, I don’t want to make you feel down.  We should be happy that we had a wonderful childhood and were very lucky to have had the parents we had.  No, I didn’t mow the lawn, but George is going to do that tomorrow, he doesn’t know it yet, but he is. Ha ha.  Your patio sounds great, its somewhere to sit and just remember happier times, your Dad sounds like he was a bit of a handy man Louise, he would be pleased that you sit out there and just reflect on all the good times. 

Jayne

What a treasure you are. Thank you xxxx

My dad died 28th June-same day as your mum. Susan’s dad died 25th June so it will be quite a few days!!

Hi Karen

I hope you’re feeling a bit brighter. Lack of sleep is horrible, isn’t it? When you’re tired, coping with everything else is even harder. I didn’t know about the bananas -will have to try that tonight. I have at least one banana with my lunch every day; I love them.

I’m glad you got on OK at the doctor’s. Do you have to go back? She seems very understanding. The carer job sounds good. When my mum came home for the short time she had a carer in the morning and lunchtime. She was lovely and really seemed to enjoy her work-should have been paid a lot more though.

Have you started packing yet?? How long are you away for? As I’ve said before, I seem to have a real phobia about going a way just now and don’t know why. I was persuaded to go away to York for a couple of days in the summer and worked myself into such a state that I was physically sick. I haven’t been away for an evening or overnight since.

Better go and see if my kitchen floor is dry.

Take care, Karen.

Lots of love
Louise
xxxx

Hi Louise, well, what a date that will be for us.  We should get together and have a rememberance day together.  I will be thinking of you that day.  I see Sharons back, I must read her post and will be back soon.  xxx

Hi Sharon

I’m so glad you’ve managed to come out today. It must be so very hard for you having had to deal with all of this for 4 years but Sharon, you’re doing such a fantastic job and your mum must be so glad that you’re there for her.

Do you go to any sort of counselling, Sharon? I saw the Macmillan nurse for quite a few weeks before Mum died as well as afterwards. Just being able to talk openly to someone about your feelings can be helpful, especially being on your own. She also saw Mum so knew exactly what was happening to us.

Please do come back here, Sharon. This is a lifeline for us. I know how you feel and perhaps can share some of my experiences with you.

I’m not much use, I know, but like the others, I’m here for you Sharon.

Lots of Love
Louise
xxx

Hi Sharon

Jayne

I know I shouldn't go on about the cemetery. Everything becomes so raw again when i go and I just get so emotional. I think that maybe I might move on quicker if i didn't go so often. It's only a thought though!!! Couldn't do it yet.

Louise, there's no hurry, you will know when the time comes.  You will feel that maybe one week you might leave it and then go the next.  But only you will know when that time comes.  You shouldnt worry about what anyone thinks, its what feels right for you.  Lets put this into perspective.  For instance, if you didnt go next week, would you feel guilty??? I think you might.  So what do you do?  You carry on going until you feel that one weekend you dont feel like it.  Your mum and dad wont feel any worse of you if you miss a week.  They will understand that you are probably doing something else and would be pleased that you're enjoying a weekend away from the cemetery.  I know exactly what its like Louise.  When my dad passed (notice I NEVER use the word died, I dont believe anyone dies, its just a word that shouldnt even be in the dictionary),  mum and me used to go every week religiously, we felt we were being unfaithful if we didnt go.  But as the months and years went by, we started going on anniversarys, birthdays etc, and when we didnt go, we used to put flowers here in the home and just sit and talk about him.  We still felt close to him.  But everyone is different, and we all move on in our own time.  No one can tell you how to feel or behave.  Whatever you decide, your mum and dad will know that you still love them just the same as you always did and always will.  I hope that makes sense, I know what i'm trying to say, but i hope i havent said anything to offend you Louise.  jayne xxx

Hi Marie

Well is the shopping all done? It must be a nightmare on a Saturday afternoon. I live just beside Tesco. It is being revamped at the moment and looks like a war zone. They’re in the process of building a huge temporary store in the car park and they say everything should be finished by winter. It’s put me off going there but it’s just so handy for me.

How long are you away on holiday for? I’m sure it will be OK. As you say just bite your tongue, it’s only for a short time. I hope the weather stays fine for you. It’s lovely here today. I’m going nowhere much; just catching up with friends and relatives-lots of lunches out I expect. I also must get my garden done and I want to look for new bedroom furniture and kitchen/bathroom. I probably won’t do half of it but it will be good just to have some free time.

How’s your umbrella plant doing? Did you say you had invested in something else?

I’m just away to have a walk round the local moor while it’s nice. Benji loves it there but I have to keep him on the lead as he’s terrible for disappearing down rabbit holes and takes not a blind bit of notice of me. It’s a 21 foot long lead though so there’s nothing coming over him. My mum used to often take him out for me before I came home from work and I remember meeting her one day with dog wrapped around a lamppost. She never did get the hang of that lead!

Enjoy the rest of this fine day, Marie

Lots of love
Louise
xx