hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
Hi louise--- hope you feel better soon.I guess a relaxing bath might help.Is it stress that's brought on your chest pain,or have i missed something in an earlier posting?? anyway- take things as easy as you possibly can. You are very wise to go to a hairdresser for a haircut!!! My experiences at the home school of hairdressing are not to be recommended. i STILL look like Crusty the clown drom the Simpsons!!!!!!! got to take eldest to a guitar lesson so logging off for now.Sending love.Marie XXXXX
Where is everyone tonight???!!!! thought someone might be on for a chat,but clearly not!!!!!! take care everyone-catch you all another day.night night,marie XXXXXXX
I've logged on here everyday but just couldn’t bring myself to say anything.I don’t know what's wrong, just feel really withdrawn and not felt like talking.Maybe its just different things that have happened lately and events and birthdays etc all happening at once.
My brother started it off by upsetting me at the weekend.I had put some of mums ashes round her climbing plant and then thought, well if I'm going to put them ‘here and there’, perhaps my brother would like some because he has a bench by his pond where he sits to just chill out and whenever Mum went there she also liked to sit by the pond.I thought he might like a part of Mum there with him, but he shouted at me NO, no its not right that you should split her ashes up. So I explained that I’d already done that by putting some in the back garden.He was having none of it and he made me feel like I’d done something really bad.I think my Mum would have liked the idea, but its not going to happen.I was also going to ask my niece if she wanted some so she could have a special place in her garden because Mum used to go there every Thursday and she loved it in the garden with the kids.But now I can't ask her because of my brother.Ever since my Mum passed away, he has continually upset me in one way or another.I'm not even sure he realises hes doing it, he just doesn’t think about what he says or how he says it.
Then on Monday I went doctors.I have a cyst under my eye which I want cutting out, so I now have an appointment in May with the consultant.While I was there I asked him if he could recommend a good osteopath, which he couldn’t, but agreed that I should see someone to get it sorted out.And then I thought I’d mention something else which has been bothering me for about 3 years, but I daren't see a doctor in case it was bad.My Mum used to laugh when I used to say to her ‘I'm sure I've got an aneurysm like Dad had.But when I explained my symptoms to the doctor, he asked to examine me.But I struggled to get on the bed and I couldn’t turn one way or the other.So he helped me off the bed and said I must get my back sorted out before he can do a proper examination, and in view of the family history and the symptoms I described, he wants to send me for a scan.He then proceeded to show me diagrams of the aorta, which I told him I already knew about because of Dad.I only went for a little cyst, wished I hadn’t bothered now.
Yesterday I went out the garden and took my little mate JoJo with me.I repotted one of mums yuccas and was just sitting looking at everything that has sprung to life that Mum had planted, and I just sat and cried because there are so many things that I don’t know what they are and now I can't ask her.I tried to find them in her gardening book that was delivered yesterday, and I still can't find them.Then I was looking at her ashes under the climber and thought how could anyone who was so caring and loving to everyone have been taken in this way.She didn’t do anything to anyone and this is how she was repaid.All those years of just looking after everyone else and that’s the thanks she got, how bloody cruel.
Its our neighbours 82nd birthday today (my mums bingo buddie), and this time 2 years ago on her 80th they took their family and my Mum to towcester races for the day.My Mum had the most fabulous time.And this day last year I sat here with Mum and she said to me ‘this time last year I was at the races, I had a lovely day, now look at me, who’d have thought I would’ve ended up like this’.And now its this time this year, and she's gone, and I can't get over it.I'm never going to be able to sit here with her again.We will never sit in the back garden together and just chat about anything and everything. We will never do anything together ever again and it just doesn’t seem possible.
I'm rambling on now and probably just feeling sorry for myself, which is pathetic, but the last few days have not been very good, which is really stupid of me because its so sunny and warm and my Mum would have grabbed the opportunity to be out and about somewhere.She's probably very disappointed with me for just sitting about crying.Anyway, I'm going to pull myself together and start answering some of your posts now.Jayne xxx
Sorry you're having a bad time too at the moment, but don’t give up, you're doing a great job.It is very hard some days to just carry on, but we do because we love them so much.I'm glad your mums birthday meal went ok, thank goodness YOU made the effort even if no one else did!!I hope your mums blood was ok for her to have the chemo today, I hope it all went as well as possible for her.Take care Sharon, and here’s hoping for a better few days for you and your Mum.Jayne xxx
Thanks for your message.How was the match?Was Jonathan surprised?I'm sure your Mum and Dad were with you.Your Mum probably even commented to your Dad ‘look, Susan’s wearing my red gloves’.She would be well pleased.
Yes, 4 years tomorrow, its flown by.Looking at the weather now, its probably going to be a day like the day we got married, it was lovely.25 years for you then??That’s a long time, but I'm sure you WAS a ‘child bride’.I was an old bride.We will be very lucky at our age to reach a 25th anniversary, but my husband is determined he will, I hope he’s right.
I hope the kittens are ok, any improvement on the poorly one?I hope you are all ok, speak soon, take care Susan, love jayne xxx
How are you feeling today.These days when we can't stop crying are horrible aren’t they?I'm so sorry your day Friday was bad, but its understandable that you broke down, a very sad thing to have to do.Your Mum would be so proud that you managed to place her casket in the ground, she would have been watching and thanking you for being so caring.Mothers Day is going to be a hard one for most of us, but we will get through it one way or another.Just another hurdle to get through.We have a wedding anniversary coming up, then mothers day, then next week my husbands birthday, then 28th March would have been my dads birthday, so March is not a good month.Apart from dads birthday, they're all first times for us and I'm not sure how I'm going to feel yet.
Some days things do seem to get worse Nicky, but then other days are better, and I think that’s how it will go on for a long time.We just have to try and ride through the bad days and be glad for the good ones.I'm sorry I'm not being a lot of help am I, but just to let you know, I'm thinking of you.Take care, love jayne xxx
Good to see you but I'm sorry you've had such a difficult week. The visit to the doctors sounds a bit of a mixed blessing - he now realises he needs to sort your back out so that's good but not so good about the potential anuerysm and your eye. For both you and Karen it never rains but pours! I hope you can get sorted soon- do you think that's possible???
As for your brother, well I'm sorry about that too, I think that some of his reactions may be due to the fact that he is not able to face up to what has happened Jayne, accepting the ashes and puttting them in the places your mum enjoyed are all part of us coming to terms with what has happened and from the outside looking in, you are doing that very well (I know it does'nt seem like that!) but he is not facing up to it. I think that's the same for many me (my own brother included - he would now rather not talk about Mum at all even though they were very close). I am sure you did the right thing and many peopel scatter ashes in different places, I think that was very generous of you to offer so please don't waste your time or energy thinking otherwise.
The match was great thanks and we all enjoyed it - except I did spend a lot of time upset. It just was not the same without them - although as Jonathan pointed out, "of course they're here- without them none of us would ever have come so they'll be here with us" So many wise words from one so young! The funny thing is I could smell my dad's after shave everywhere, I did'nt mention it at first until Jonathan said "I can smell Grandad". I'm not reading too much into that but I'm not sure how many other men there would have been wearing Jean Gaultier for Men!!
I think that all of us here are just dreading Sunday and with the good weather, we are all looking back grieving for happier, sunnier times when we still had our parents here with us. You'd think that after all the rain we'd ben more cheery but then the sadness is always just there waiting to emerge and take over. So we need to all try to keep moving up the hill, slowly but surely, holding our our hands to help each other as we sometimes start to slip back down. You have made great strides Jayne and you share those times with everyone so please take some comfort in that. I'm sorry I cannot help you with the plants in the garden - I imagine your mum will be smiling as you ponder over the books - she's just trying to keep you busy Jayne!!
Now big day tomorrow - I think you said dinner at home - is that your plan?? So it looks as if for this anniversary it's books! and the flower is geranium! Not sure what the tipple is Jayne but whatever it may be I hope you enjoy it!!
I'm sorry to hear about the bad time you've been having. Some people are so inconsiderate aren't they. I could talk for hours the things my brother has done to upset me over the years but I won't. Families can be the hardest ones to deal with sometimes. I hope you are feeling a bit better now, hope writing it all down helped a bit. I am still feeling crap spoke to mum last night the hospital hadn't rang so I'd geared myself up that she was having chemo, then she rang me this morning to say chemo was cancelled as her platelets are too low. So now I feel worse than I did before it just feels like its dragging on for ever and I've had enough of the whole thing. I need to pick myself up a bit as I'm seeing her this afternoon and I don't want to be upset when I see her, otherwise it will upset her. I had a few drinks last night to try and chill out a bit but it didn't work. I don't know whats up with me at the moment. I'm sorry to hear of what happened at the doctors it must be worrying for you especially with what happened with your dad. Do you know what scan you will be having ct or mri. I haven't had my scan results back yet. I hope it all works out for you. You take care lots of love Sharon xxx
How are you today?Your verse is beautiful, your Mum will love it.I think what you did with your mums ashes is really nice.I might put some round mums peace lilly in here (despite what my brother thinks).I will be putting up the card I bought Mum last year, I had it read out at her funeral (I think I've said that loadsa times before), sorry, old age, keep repeating myself lately!Sorry, old age, keep repeating myself lately!(now I'm just trying to cheer myself up by making me laugh).
I too cry when theres no one about, everyone thinks you're ok don’t they, if only they knew.We will all get through these bad days, it just takes time doesn’t it.I still miss my Dad, but its different to how I feel about losing Mum, totally different.I just know this is going to take a lot lot longer.I hope you're having a good day Marie,speak soon, take care, love jayne xxx
I hope you are having a good day today. I'm still feeling really low. Mums chemo has been cancelled today her platelets are too low. Its so frustrating as you gear yourself up for her having the chemo then they say no. So now its next week if her platelets have recovered enough. Somedays its really difficult to cope with everything but I know I have to be there for her as other family members can't be bothered. Her own sister lives an hour away by car and mum phoned her months ago when she was starting her chemo, and her own sister won't come to see her she said I'll come to see you when your 100% better, does she not realise that day may never come. She said mum could go to their house but mum isn't well enough to go as the chemp makes her so tired. Mum got a birthday card from her sister but I don't know why she bothered as she didn't even ask how she was and she never phones to see how she's doing. Do people just not care. I really don't know what there problem is. If it wasn't for me mum would have no family members supporting her it makes me so angry. Anyway I've been rambling again so I will stop now. That card you brought and put with your mums umbrella plant is really nice and sums up what mums are. You take care lots of love Sharon xxxx
