hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
I'm sorry I haven't been around for a while. I have been feeling really low and I think my mums illness is taking its toll on me. After four years you think I would be used to it but I guess not. Sometimes I just feel like giving up. Mums meal went well on friday I cooked spag boll, it was a really nice day although it would have been nicer if dad had made some effort does he not realise how important the day was to me and mum or does he just not care I really do not know. I am sorry to hear you have all been having a rough time its so hard isn't it. Mum is having her next chemo weds depending on blood tests tomorrow. She is so tired its so hard seeing her its like the mum I know has gone and all thats left is this ill vunerable person who I love so much and would give anything to make her well but I can't. Sorry I am having a moan but I'm just finding it all hard to cope with at the moment. I hope you all have a better week this week love Sharon xxxx
How are you feeling today? It sounds as if you had a good day Saturday sharing happy memories with your mum and dad's friends. Are you feeling any better in yourself today? When are you back to your GP? and last but not least how are the Mother's day preparations going?
We're off to Old Trafford tomorrow and I know it will be a very emotional day for me - bringing back many happier memories of mum and dad. I'm going to wear my mum's red gloves and I'm going to do my very best to make it a happy day for Jonathan just hoping that my parents will be watching over us.!
We've been busy with one of the kittens who is not doing very well, we're not sure she is going to make it! I'll keep you informed!
So hope to get back as soon as I can, in the meantime I am thinking of you Louise and sending you lots of love xx
How are you feeling now? I suppose you may have seen your friends today and I hope that you are feeling stronger in yourself having had a few more days to mull it all over. I bet that they both still have their mums and they have no idea what it can be like to lose someone so special in yoru life. So best to forgive and forget and enjoy their friendship- good friends are hard to come by.
So are you ready for your new challenges tomorrow, I think you start your new regime - I once did a spinning class and honestly I could not walk the next day, you need to be really fit to do that let alone teach it! I'm afraid any notion i had of joining you in the Race for Life has gone now - you'd be at the front and as I said before I am famous for being the last person to complete the Fleet half marathon so we're not really ideally matched!!
I hope you have a better week, are you going to the cemetery at the weekend or have you other plans at home?
How has your day been, I know you have been busy on here and that your day was not the best yesterday but I hope that you are feeling a little brighter? Sorry about yesterday, I can just see how that could happen and how upsetting it would all be. You have your parents, especially your mum all around you and of course that brings with it many memories.
I can see that you have been busy today Jayne sharing your experiences and offering your support, you really are very kind and thoughtful and your parents would be so proud to see how much of yourself you are giving to others.
Sounds as if you have some good plans for later this week, so 4 years on! I have been married for more than 25 years (although I was a child bride:)) ha, ha!!
How are you today and how has your day been - have you nay brighter news about jobs? I imagine your husband is really fed up and I wish him lots of luck with his job hunting.
How did you get on at the cemetery, were all the flowers looking lovely in the Spring sunshine?
Things can only get better Karen and they will so just keep your chin up and keep believing that your mum and dad will make sure it's all works out ok for you!
I'm having a really, really bad day today, I just can't stop crying.
We burried my Mums ashes on Friday and the whole experience was horrible, infact it was much worser than my Mum's funeral. It was just immediate family that went. Me and my sister just broke down. How can that be all thats left of my Mum, I just can't handle that. I even placed the casket into the ground, I thought my Mum would have liked that.
Ever since Friday I seem to be getting worse, I think before that it was all a dream and now I know reality is kicking in and I just miss my Mum so much it hurts. What do i do? Every day is just so painful and want the ground to swallow me up.
I don't know how I am going to cope with Mothers Day either, my life just seems so unreal at the moment.
Hi All
I hope you are all having an ok day. I am sorry for the message I left yesturday I am just feeling so low at the moment, I can't seem to be able to pick myself up. I don't know why. I am sending you all love take care love Sharon xxx
Hi Guys-- Sharon- you have nothing to apologise for.Its understandable to have some down days,and sadly for you,you do feel that you're getting no support from your dad,and your relationship with your brother is poor also,so you're contending with an awful lot.Dont beat yourself up,and certainly dont apologise to us lot.We all understand and wish that we could give you more support. Take care,Marie XXXX
I’ve just logged on here expecting to find loads of messages. Where are you all? It’s really strange not having you here. I hope you’re all OK. Please don't desert me. You are my lifeline.
Jayne-I hope everything went well at the doctor yesterday and you’re back is holding out. I know you’re having a tough time too just now but remember we’re all here for you-well usually!!! Have you managed to get any gardening done during these fine days?
Karen-You are having such a hard time again. Any word on the job front yet? I know it’s so difficult but I hope you are managing to cope. As Susan says, things can only get better and I really hope that happens soon for you.
Amanda- I hope things have sorted themselves out with your friends. You just feel so isolated sometimes, don’t you? Our mums would have known exactly what to say. I hope you’re not working too hard at the gym. Don’t expect you’ll need any Race for Life training!! When does your dad get home, Amanda? How’s the doggy sitting going?
Susan-You’ll be off to your football match tonight. For some reason I thought it was at the weekend. I see it’s on BBC 3 so I’ll look out for you-hope you’ve got a big placard!! You see and have a great time. Your parents will be thrilled that you’ve gone back. I’m really sorry to hear about the kitten-poor thing. What did Jonathan think of his new family? Did he enjoy his trip? I hope you’re feeling better yourself, Susan and let’s know all about the match when you get back. I hope your mum’s gloves are lovely and cosy.
Sharon-So sorry to hear you’re feeling really low again. It’s such a struggle for you, isn’t it? I’m glad your mum enjoyed her treat on Friday. When will you see her again? You take care of yourself, Sharon.
Marie-I’m still keeping up to date with your messages on other threads. You’re having a hard time too just now. Some days it just feels as if everything is getting worse doesn’t it? Have you been back to your mum’s bench again? It sounds lovely there. And what about the hair? Mine is getting cut on Thursday but I think I’ll let the hairdresser do it!!
Nicky- So sorry to hear you’re having such a bad time but I think you did so well burying your mum’s ashes. I don’t know if I could have done that. Will you be able to visit her? My mum and dad are both buried and I find it so comforting to be able to visit them every week. I’m a year down the line now Nicky and although most days I can now function I still have times when I don’t know how to deal with the intense feelings of loss. You’re doing just fine Nicky. It’s a long hard journey but you will come through this and your mum will be so proud.
Liz- I hope you’re not working too hard and the back is OK. Please take care.
I am off to have a relaxing bath tonight. The chest pains are still quite bad sometimes and I’ve had hardly any sleep again last night. Will see what the doctor says again tomorrow.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Love and hugs to you all.
Louise
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xxx
Hi Nicky--I'm sure that we all know how you feel.Living without my mum is a nightmare also-and it hasn't got better for me with time,it has in fact,got worse.I guess that we do have to accept the amount of time that it will take for us to accept our loss.Not every day will be bad,but every day will carry a degree of sadness with it that we will just have to get used to.I have bought a little card with a lovely verse on it which i have placed in front of the umbrella plant that i sprinkled mums ashes round.I bought it with mothers day in mind,and strangely,i do feel a little better since having placed it there.The verse is as follows:-
Words never could express,
Exactly how i feel,
How until we meet again,
My heart will never heal.
You were so understanding,
So gentle,kind and good,
And,whenever i had problems,
You'd help me all you could.
I miss you so very much,
Throughout every single day,
And take comfort in the memories,
That will never fade away.
Because this plant,with the card in front of it,is in my lounge i can see it and so can others also,and i think that this has helped me,because although i talk about mum frequently with my family and friends,i don't talk about just how awful i have been feeling,and just how much i miss her-and no one sees me cry,i do that when i'm on my own.Its a visual display of how i'm feeling and it has helped me a lot to have found this little verse and been able to place it in mums special spot in our lounge.She had a little cuddly kitten (Not a real one!) that she liked a lot,and said that she wanted our youngest to have it when she died.It was his idea to put it by her plant and so thats where it is.Although i havent been able to buy my mum a mothers day card this year i still feel as if i have done something for her to mark the day.Maybe something like this would help you????
If we are honest,we are never going to get over the loss of our mums,but i do believe that it will be easier in time.It has to be-because the longer that we have without them,the more used we get to not having them around.It won't mean that we care less,or that we love them any less-but it will mean that we find our lives a little less painfull,but it's going to take time.Be patient Nicky and cry as much as you want to because its better to let your emotions out.Remember that you're not alone in how you feel and know that others are sending their warmest wishes and love.Look after yourself.Marie XXXXX
