hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
I am very new to all of this but I am hoping that it may help in some way.
My lovely dad has bladder cancer and has had radium treatment (his last was two and a half weeks ago). I am so worried about him as he is not picking up at all. He is not eating, he has lost a lot of weight, he is very weak and is talking in a whisper.
I am very distressed at seeing him like this as he just isn't my dad anymore. I can't bear the thought of losing him but seeing him so ill is terrible and I don't want him to suffer.
The McMillan nurse is very supportive and say it's normal for dad to feel lke this after the treatment. Am I expecting too much?
I am finding this really difficult to deal with and I would appreciate any feed back.
Hi Jayne- thanks for your reply.Sorry you've been upset today.i went up the downs earlier to where mums bench is.Couldn't get near it at first as people were sitting on it (The nerve of them!!!) so we went for a little walk with hubby and eldest boy moaning about being cold,and how they'd rather be watching the rugby!! Youngest was quite happy,looking for rabbit holes to see if there were any bunnies about.He is so much more in tune with me and how i feel.He appreciates nature,just like my mum did and he's naturally empathetic with people - unlike the other two family members!!! Anyway,on the way back from our walk the bench was empty,so we had a little sit down.Mums ashes are STILL where they were scattered,which surprised me as i thought they would have been blown or washed away.it was after 4pm so the sun had gone in,but as we left the bench a little ray peeped through for a few minutes,which i thought was nice.I'm feeling better than i was earlier,but theres a degree of sadness attached to every new day now and i hope that this will eventually pass.I think that sometimes we do try to be too strong.I'm sure hubby has no idea of how i'm really feeling,and i dont tell him because i'm sure he wouldn't understand.His attitude is you can't change anything so you just have to get on with it and he is of course right,but i'm sure that he'll feel differently one day when it happens to him.Anyway-hope you got dinner sorted in the end.A cry is good-it lets feelings out and its healthy.I'm glad that i've got you lot on here to talk to because it does help.lots of love,Marie XXXX
I'm sorry you have to come here, we are all here because of this horrible disease, in one way or another.I don’t know anything about bladder cancer and I wish I could help you more.It is so distressing seeing your loved one change and go down hill, but he will always be your Dad, no matter what happens, he will always be your Dad.Just be there for him, and support him in any way you can, take each day as it comes and be glad of the good times.The MacMillan nurses know their stuff and will always be there for you and your Dad.Even if you just need to talk or cry, they are always there, amazing people, they know just what to say at the right time.Sending you love and strength Tilly, there is always someone here on this site, day or night, if you need to talk.Take care, love jayne x
HI amanda- hows things? I guess we all get a bit too sensitive at times.I have always had a low self esteem- i was bullied at school for years because i was quiet,liked to get on with my work,and didnt have a boyfriend.It was an all girls school.If i had a daughter then i would never do that to her-my senior school years were the wors of my life,and i've carried all of it with me into adulthood.I've always questioned why people are being nice to me if they are,and wondering id they're taking the mick behind my back.Since mum died i feel this even more.Weird isn't it. I always think that everyone else is better than me and although ive tried to change the way i think,i havent got the confidence i need in order to do it.Whenever i speak to my kids schoolteachers, Male or female, but worse with the male ones,i always go bright red and feel really uncomfortable.I'm sure they all think i'm really peculiar-and because i think that they think that,then i feel even worse!!! Viscious circle.If you're normally a confident person, then remain that way and don't start reading things that aren't there into situations with your friends.I'm sure that they socialise with you because they want to and not because they pity you.Nowadays people dont care too much about others,and if they wanted to cut you out then i'm sure that they would and you would be left in no doubt about it!!! Dont worry about what isn't happening Amanda- i'm sure that those 2 friends are true friends and as jayne says, we're all just extra sensitive at the moment.Sending lots of love,Marie XXXXX
Thanks for your post.Looks like its just you and me about today?!Spooky.I didn’t realise you had a bench for your Mum on the downs, how great is that.But yes, what a cheek, people actually sitting on it!!!Your Mum would laugh at how annoyed it makes you wouldn’tshe.Which makes it all the more personal.Its good that you actually got to sit down (with your Mum).I'm amazed that your mums ashes are still there, she is still with you Marie and is intending on staying around for years to come.She is always going to be there watching you all (so watch out, she knows what's going on!).bless her.She will be knowing that you and your boys are sitting with her and spending time talking about her.
I'm glad you're feeling better than earlier, but I know exactly what you mean.I sometimes think that I'm doing great, and then another day comes and I feel back to square one, just like the day after losing Mum.I suppose we will feel like this for a long time.I don’t ever remember feeling like this when I lost Dad, its so different this time.Weird. I too am so glad I have you all on here, I don’t know what I'd do now without you all, thanks for that.I hope you have a good day tomorrow Marie, speak to you tomorrow no doubt.Take care, love jayne xxx
Please don't fel bad about it, it wasn't your fault that I cried, it's just me having a bad day and being so angry at this terrible disease.
I really do appreciate your kind words, thank you!
I had a long chat on the phone with my sister and that helped. I'm the one that does all the blubbing and she's the strong one. She lives in the south of England, I live in Scotland and mum and dad live in Northumberland, so we are scattered about which doesn't help.
My mum isn't coping too well just now but I have managed to convince her to tell the district nurse and the Mcmillan nurse just how bad she feels.
She's a very private lady but she is also nearly 80 and doesn't cope as well as she used to.
She keeps everything inside and I fear she will end up in hospital really ill if she doesn't let off some steam. It's all very well telling me or my sister but she wont let us say anything to the nurses who come in. They are due in tomorrow to see dad so she has written stuff down to tell them.
I go down to mum and dad's to help out every week (mum says I keep her sane!) but I feel terribly guilty that I can't be there all the time to help both her and dad out and it eats away at me.
When I am visiting mum and dad I have to keep my emotions very firmly in check but I nip into the loo every so often to have a good cry. I wouldn't let them see just how upset I am.
Mum is going to the local hospice centre on Tuesday to have a nice back massage and a chat so hopefully she will feel better after that.
It's such a worry though.
Thanks Jayne and sorry to ramble on, it helps to write it all down though doesn't it?
You have had a tough time of it too and I am very sorry to hear of your loss.
