my beautiful mum has gone page 2

Hi Amanda

I hope you are feeling better again. Have you decided what to do? A night out would do you good and as the others say they probably didn’t mean anything by it. If I was nearer I would offer to babysit!

I’m just about to go for my walk again. You’ll be doing a lot of that now too, are you? I’ll maybe jog tonight and get in some training!!! I’ll have to phone the Race for Life number as it’s not accepting my registration online-says that someone has already tried to register as me!!! Imagine two of me-that would scare them all away.

Look after yourself, Amanda
Lots of love
Louise
xxx


Just read your message again, Amanda. Was it last night they were going out??

Hi Susan

How are you feeling now?  Isn’t it typical, when you have a week to do just about what you want, you go and get ill?  And now you have even more to catch up with!!!  I think the person who bred Bella has a lot to answer for, what a damn cheek claiming it was your fault.  Buts what's done’s done now, so I just hope you find homes for them (that is of course if you don’t intend keeping them??)  I bet you keep at least one.  Jonathan will be chosen and named one already I would imagine.  (I would be the same).

The backs been ok yesterday and today thanks.  Got loads done yesterday and today we have been out in the back garden sorting out all the pots and tubs.  Moved a lot of stuff, dug things up and put our cherry tree in place of one shrub.  (hope Mum don’t mind).  Theres still a lot to do, but tomorrow is going to be even warmer, 16C which I'm told by my husband is 61F.  So might even get the table and chairs out and have a few glasses of wine in the back garden. Can't be bad. 

I bet your glad to have Jonathan (and all his washing) home?? 

Plans for 15^th – yes we’re going out for a meal, only down our local pub, but they do nice meals, and we haven’t been for a while so it will be a change.  No champagne though.  I might buy a bottle of some ‘fizz’ and have it when we get home.  We don’t usually drink much when out (driving), but it will be a nice evening (well, couple of hours anyway).

Hi Karen

I wont ask how you are because its obvious things are pretty c**p right now.  What a damn nuisance about your husbands job.  Why on earth did they take so many people on if they knew they shouldn’t have done it??  Don’t they realise they're messing with peoples lives.  People that have had enough to deal with already.  I guess not.  I hope your husband finds something soon, theres something just waiting around the corner, at least that’s what I keep telling myself.  I must admit, I'm getting a bit desperate now.  I even asked in Asda yesterday!! And was told that even they are not taking on any more manpower just now because they're cutting down on staff.  So that’s that out.  You have certainly had some rotten luck lately.  And stop apologising for moaning, you have a right to moan.  I've been doing a lot of that lately, it makes me feel better.  In fact I will be asking everyone at the end of my posts for advice.  I've had a b****y good moan today about my brother.

Hi Louise

How are you?  You sound a bit brighter today.  I must admit, I could imagine you chatting to the nurse while trying to protect your dignity!!  I know they’ve seen it all before, but not ours they haven’t, have they??  I hope you soon get those chest pains sorted out and they get to the bottom of it.  It must be a worry for you.

That is so good that you had a lovely time with your Mum and Dads neighbours.  Isn’t it great when someone actually wants to sit and listen to us going on about our mums and dads?  It really does make you feel better doesn’t it?  Is that the first time you’ve sat and looked at photos of your Mum and Dad?  I love looking at them all, it makes me smile and sometimes sad, but overall it makes me happy, I hope it did you too.  And I'm sure you didn’t bore them to tears at all, they would have wanted to talk about them, otherwise they wouldn’t have wanted to come round would they?  I dare say you made them feel so much happier too.  So you see Louise, you have done a sort of counselling session today, only YOU were the counsellor.  You’ve taken a huge step today, your Mum and Dad were watching and were well chuffed. 

It was a lovely day today wasn’t it?  I'm glad you got to the cemetery (although I know nothing would stop you anyway), but although your plans were not exactly changed, but altered a little, you still got there. The daffs sound nice.  Next week, mmmmm not sure what I'm going to get yet.  Probably yellow roses because they have a special meaning to Mum and me. 

I'm too half watching the rugby (don’t understand it), but Mum and my husband used to sit and watch it together, I used to go on the computer or just switch off, or get dinner ready.  REPORTS !!!!  what a pig.  How long will it take now??  I was just about to ask why you didn’t keep a copy on your computer, but you’ve already asked yourself that, sorry.  Still, you’ll know for future reference.  We live and learn don’t we.

SHARON - just a quicky.  How did your mums birthday meal go?? Please come back and let us know.  I hope you are both ok.  Take care, love jayne xxx

That's it, i've definately gone now............................

Hi Karen,
I am so sorry about your husbands job, it just seems ridiculous that they would take more people on than they need to and mess around with your lives. He will find something else, but it is hard to stay positive in light of things. Life sometimes just seems to be one test after another doesnt it? Take care of yourself and know we are all thinking about you and hoping this gets sorted out soon so that it doesnt cause you any more worry.
xxxx Lots of love Amanda

Hi Susan,
Thanks so much for your reply, in light of Karens recent news my post last night seems rather petty, but your right I think because we are so aware of our feelings, we do notice any little thing that people do or say. It seems that they had arranged it earlier in week and I was told on Fri afternoon - on the actual day they were getting together. One of the couples was going over to the other couples house for few drinks etc, but probably felt they needed to tell me because I live on the same street. It is just a little stange to me because usually when we make plans we all try and include each other, but anyway Ill just try and put it behind me, try not to expect to much of people then I guess I wont be dissapointed. I dont think I will say anything, as Louise said of her experience just might upset me more. But you are right it is hard to have any insight into how we might be feeling unless you have experienced the loss of such an important person, so people can hardly understand what you really need, or how something like this can make you feel. I am sorry you were not feeling so good - esp this week when you should have been able to have a bit of alone time. So what did Jonathan think of the kittens, has he named them? Did he have a good time? I hope picking a card for your sisters little boy wont be too difficult, your mum will be happy that you are carrying on something she used to do. Take care and have a lovely day tomo with hubby, Jonathan and kittens!!
Lots of Love Amanda xxx

Hi Lousie,
Thanks for your message, it is hard -Im same dont really think much about socialising evenings at moment, but yes it would have been nice to be included originally, and not as I now think, because they felt they had too. Ill try and do as you have suggested, but maybe in a few weeks when I feel a bit better about it. Now more importantly, how are your chest pains? I hope they can find out what they are soon, it must be worrying, and that cant help either, I am sure it is nothing to worry about, so just try and get plenty of rest. Take care Louise thinking about you
and hope you get your lie in tomorrow - those white daffs sound lovely - I will have to look out for them. xxx Lots of Love Amanda

Hi Jayne,
Thanks for relply, I am an idiot arent I ?? I think one of girls knows that it did upset me, and has texted me to see if I am okay, but Im not sure I can own up to being really upset about it, I'd feel a bit like a bunny boiler friend then!! But you just want a bit of consideration and just wish people would understand how lonely you feel so much of the time, that to be included in things is so nice, but you are right they arent to know, how could they? Hubby and I took kids and dog out for a long walk this afternoon, that cleared my head a bit and have felt bit better since then, sometime you just internalise things so much you feel like you are going crazy -- that is why I posted last night just needed to get it out. But others have much more to worry about silly me! I hope you are enjoying this nice weather, I am going to try and get into garden tomorrow too, and plant some bright things by my mums pussy willow. I was glad to read that your back is finally feeling a bit better I hope it continues to improve - now dont overdo it in garden!!! Take care and Lots of love
xxx Amanda


Hi Liz, Sharon, Marie Jane, Nicci Jodi - hope you are all doing okay thinking about you all too xxx Amanda

Hi Everybody-- seems there's still lots of ups and downs plaguing us all doesn't it.Hope you are all doing ok today.I'm struggling badly but i dont think that anyone around me really understands.I cant stop thinking about my mum and the fact that she is no longer here.Nothing is going to bring her back,so i dont know why i keep putting myself through the upset.Still, no two days are the same and a bit of sunshine,like today,goes a long way to cheer me up.Sending love to all of you, Marie XXXXXX

Hi Marie