hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
Hi Jayne-- don't be daft! you didn't offend me at all-it's the sort of comment i might have written and i really hadn't read anything into it at all so don't worry!!! hope you are doing ok.Ive had a few downd days,but feel a bit brighter this morning.Catch you later,Love,Marie XXXXX
i woke up another terrible day i just miss my parents so much and cant stop crying or wanting them here, things feel so bad now and dont know what to do or which way to turn, i feel even worse than when it first happened, i thought things might be on the up but there not.
i know were all going through this and it is so so hard isnt it? i feel for all of you going through this as well.
I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling so low - I imagine that after all the excitement of moving and being so busy you've hardly had time to think - until now and then again it hits you that and even though some things have changed much for the better - it would just be so great to share this with your mum and dad. I don't think this is surprising at all or unexpected and I'm sure it will get better as the days pass. You will just need to go with how you feel now and look after yourself Karen, you have dione so well and achieved so much so don't worry - I know that does'nt make it any easier at all - nothing will or can- we just have to do the best that we can depending on how we feel. There is no magic time frame that tells us when we will feel better, it such a long, slow journey of acceptance and adapting and sadness at all that we feel we are missing.
Look after yourself Karen and cherish all your memories, they are the best things we could have been left with.
Not so good again today? I hope you’re feeling a wee bit brighter tonight. With the move you have been kept so busy, Karen. Now you have some time to think and it’s hit you so hard again, hasn’t it? Yes, there are these bad days still, but just look at what you’ve been through. I lost both my parents within 18 months of each other but to lose both your parents within a year is heartbreaking. You’re doing just fine Karen and we can all see that you’re definitely moving forward. Look at what you’ve achieved in such a short space of time. Your parents will be looking down and be so immensely proud of how you’re coping. This is the hardest thing we’ve ever gone through, isn’t it? But with the love and support of each other and your family, you’ll get through this, Karen. Just remember to take each day as it comes and go with how you feel. I admire you so much Karen. You and the others have gone through all this pain but are always here offering support and I, for one, appreciate that enormously.
Please take care, Karen.
Sending you lots of love and hugs to see you through this tough time.
((()))
xxx
Louise x
You sound a teeny bit brighter today. I hope that’s the case. You have been brilliant through all of this, Jayne and you 're entitled to your down days. As I was saying to Karen, I admire you all so much for the way you are managing to cope. You just remember that it’s such early days for you still and take care of yourself.
I hope you haven’t been lugging pots in the garden with your bad back! It’s been lovely here today-perfect gardening weather. I often used to pass my mum and dad’s house and see them perched on the doorstep on days like this, having their cuppa before dad set to work again. I still look over for them!!
Did you manage to get hubby’s birthday card? Is he getting a nice present?? I don’t think people understand how difficult it is seeing these cards everywhere. They just seem to spring out at you, don’t they?
I’m off to have a rest tonight. I’ve been to an emotional counselling session again. This was to be the last but she wants me to come back in a month for a review. She feels that stopping just like that wouldn’t be good for me. I’ll see how I feel then.
How are you today? I bet you’re lonely. When does Jonathan come home? Have you heard from him?
How’s Bella, Susan? I’ve been thinking a lot about poor pussy. Benji is upstairs with me just now scratching his back on my white rug! He’s getting a haircut on April 2nd. It costs a fortune and takes around 4 hours. He hates it but I just can’t do it myself.
As I said to Jayne, I was at counselling today. I thought I was fine but became very emotional again-so embarrassing! She thought it best that I have a review appointment in a month and I can also go back for a one off session at any time so that’s good to know. Sometimes I feel as if my support network is disintegrating and I’m not sure what to do or how to cope on my own.
I’ve still got the chest pains but not quite so bad again. I’m definitely not going back till my appointment next week. If it’s only anxiety I’ll feel a real fool!
I hope you’re doing OK, Susan and not working too hard. Any plans for the weekend? I'm having neighbours of mum and dad round for coffee on Saturday morning. When they asked,all I had in my head was -that's when i go to the cemetery. Hopefully I'll get in the afternoon. I know I'm obsessed with going there just now.
It will be coming up to a hard time for you again. You just seem to climb over one hurdle and another is looming on the horizon. It’s incredibly hard still, isn’t it?
Take care and will speak soon
Lots of love
Louise
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xxx
Good to hear from you. I was getting a little worried. I hope you’re feeling a touch brighter again. I know what you mean about wanting a chat with your mum. I would give anything to do that too. Even yet it is so hard to believe that they’re gone sometimes, isn’t it? I was about to phone my mum and dad’s number the other night just to check that this has all happened and hasn’t been a dream. Even if they were there they would not have been too impressed-it was 2:30am!!
You are keeping yourself busy, Amanda. I hope you’re not over doing it. It is good to keep your mind occupied though, isn’t it? Two of my colleagues are going to a “spinning” class tomorrow. I didn’t like to show my ignorance but what is that???? I still haven’t made it to the gym which is a 2 minute walk from me. Now that my reports are finished I’ve no excuse, have I?
I hope things get better again soon, Amanda and please let us know how you’re doing. I wish I was able to support you people so much more.
Lots of love to you and your family. Take good care of yourself
Louise
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xxxx
Thanks for message, I am glad you have been able to get into the garden, just take it easy!! Not too much work!! I am sorry you have to venture into dreaded card shops again, it is just horrible isnt it, Im not sure what Ill do - I probably will have to get a card for my mother in law, or else just make sure my hubby gets it in time, you dont want to feel jealous, but in some ways cant help it can you?
That sounds like a good idea spreading ashes around youe mums climbing plant, you sound like a dab hand in the garden, I will need to get you over here to help me. We had some work done in our garden last year after my mum had passed away, It is something I had wanted done for awhile, and my husband decided to go ahead with it to try and cheer me up - It looks much better, it was just grass before, so now I have a boarder and some decking. But I am not very good and have had some bulbs ready to plant, but have not gotten round to it, I will have to try and get into garden this week. I am bringing my mum and dads outdoor table and chairs over when he moves, mum had just got a lovely new table the summer before it all happened and it will look lovely on decking, and is to big for dads new place. We used to have loads of nice BBQs and garden parties at their house, so I will have to try and carry on with those now.
Sorry I thought you were going to docs Monday just gone, my days are all confused, I hope it goes okay and they can do something to help.
Thanks again for message and your thoughts and I hope you are feeling brighter too Jayne, take care of yourself and know Im thinking about you.
xxx Lots of Love Amanda
Hi Louise,
Well first of all your not ignorant, a spinning class is a class taken on a fixed wheel stationary bike, it is a hard workout with instructor taking participants through motions as they cycle up and down hills (imaginary - they just change gears to feel the effect!) doing sprints or going at slower pace etc
- but title doesnt really give away what it is does it?!!
Your right, I often can't believe that this has all happened, you're sometimes just getting on with things and then it just blows you away again doesnt it? I really do have to keep busy because it is never far from my mind, and you just cant process it all the time can you?
I am glad your counsellor is going to review you again in a little while, at least she cares and wants to make sure you are okay, and dont worry about getting emotional that is one of the reasons for going there isnt it, to let out how we feel. I know what you mean about support networks it is hard isnt it, because you dont know how much you can burden others with either do you? After having a good week last week everyone just seems to think I am now okay, but I guess only us lot who are going through it can understand the ups and downs and how changable it all is even from hour to hour.
How are you getting on in school with the children making their things for mummys day? I hope it has not been to hard going. How have you been feeling this week, I guess with your counselling session today it has probably been a tough time, but I really hope you are doing okay, and dont underestimate the help and support you give here, you do give us all help and so thanks for that.
Hi Susan,
Hope you are okay, probably keeping busy with no Jonathan at home. How are you getting on? I hope you are having a good week and not missing your son to much. I am thinking about you and will speak to you soon.
xxxx Lots of Love Amanda
