my beautiful mum has gone page 2

Oh Karen, thats awful.  Thank you for telling me about your lovely mum and dad, you've been through so much more than I can imagine.  At least I lost my mum and dad 12 years apart, its given me time to grieve for my dad.  Ive been talking on another post called My Dad.  Ness's dad has aml too, maybe we can both help her through this.  So much of what has been said on there I can relate to my mums situation.  I'm sorry youre too having a down time.  I cant stop crying today, i think i should be taking antidepressants instead of pain killers!!!  I wish we lived nearer each other, we could go and have a good cry together.  I sometimes feel so guilty about crying because there are so many people on here that are going through some horrible times, but some days its so difficult to come to terms with everything thats happened isnt it?  Are you around today or are you still sorting out and cleaning the old house?  I just feel like talking and talking.  Ive even thought i might phone the samaratins up just for a chat.  Jayne xxx

Hi Jayne and Karen

I’ve just nipped home to take Benji out and read your messages. I’m really sorry you’re having such a bad time at the moment. You have both been an immense support to me and I so wish I could help you feel better in some way. It really is such early days for you both still and from where I am you are coping incredibly well. I just wish I had your strength. I have had nothing to cope with compared to you all here and I’m STILL falling to bits-even more so today!

Please Jayne, make sure you tell the doctor about that back.

I have to dash now but I just wanted to let you both know you are in my thoughts.

Take care
Sending you both my love
Louise
(())
xxx

hi susan and thanks.  i was just popping back to thank louise and everyone for their kind messages and i saw your post.  i have been going from forum to forum all day today.  everyone is either very upset or very angry.  i must now try to get outside, its so nice today, going for little walk and fresh air.  speak later, love jayne xxx

Hi everyone,

Im sorry I havent posted for awhile and thank you for your thoughts and messages, I guess I too am going through those 'dark' days again!! I dont want to stay away, but have been keeping busy to try and keep up after good week last week and just feel it hitting me again. I am sorry that you are going feeling it so much at moment as well Karen, Jayne and I should probably just do as you do write a little everyday. I just really want to have a 'chat' with my mum, you just couldnt beat them could you? I still feel very happy about message I got from mum and yes I think it has helped me feel a bit more peaceful, but ....well there is always a but isnt there, of course like us all we just want them here with us.

I started teaching a new aqua class today, to keep busy and in couple of weeks start a new body pump class on same day so that will keep a Tue pretty busy, but it was strange teaching some of older ladies, I just look at them and think my mum was younger than you, she should still be here and able to do things like this, and then in Marks and Spencer the lady behind the till said, 'Oh arent those flowers lovely all for mothers day' I just wanted to shout at her poor lady! I just remember last year getting throught the funeral and then having to face all of cards etc everywhere I went, and I just cant for the life of me remember what we did with mum on her last mothers day, I hate not remembering things I know I was with her and I know what I got her but cant remember what we did or where we went, how can I not remeber so much? I hope things will come back to me and its cause Im trying to hard!

Now I have to say though its a few days late,
Well done Louise for finishing reports, I am sure they are fine. How are you feeling this week? Have you had last councelling session yet? (Has she talked you into staying?)

Susan have you decided what you are doing when Jonathans away? I hope you had a nice weekend too and that you are doing okay. Thanks as usual for the support I hope one day I can return the favour!!

Hi Jayne, how did it go at docs, has he been able to help any? You poor thing having a bad back is such so hard because it affects everything, I hope you start to feel brighter again, it is early days and it is probaly worse because you are stuck in because of back, it helps getting out and about and keeping busy doesnt it and thanks for your support too. Well done for getting plaque sorted out I hope it is ready soon for you.

Karen, I hope you are feeling settled in new home it def sounds like a good move and I am sure you will start to feel brighter soon, you have had such a busy time lately and that helps keep our minds busy, since you have moved and done so well unpacking so quickly it has probably hit you again and that is hard, but, as others have said, it is early days and now that you are standing still for a minute you are bound to feel the impact again and are also grieving for two - well three cause your aunty too! Dont be hard on yourself just keep going your doing so well,

Liz, Sharon, Nicki, Jodi I hope you are all doing okay and am thinking of you all too

Sending lots of love xxx Amanda

Hi Amanda      

Its good to see you.  I'm sorry you too are having some bad days again.  Its strange how some days we are sort of ok and then others it just all takes over.  I don’t remember feeling like this when Dad passed.  Maybe it was because I was trying to be strong for Mum and brother.  I remember I cried every morning when I got up for about 6 months.  Then one day I actually managed to get washed and dressed before I realised I hadn’t cried.  But losing Mum has caused a different type of grief, if that’s possible.  It’s a totally different feeling to what I had with Dad.  You're right Amanda, you just can't beat having a chat with your Mum.  I talk to my Mum and Dad every day, and I know they are listening, but its not the same.

I'm glad you still feel happy about the message from your Mum, hang on to those memories.  Gordon Smith was on Most Haunted on Saturday night, I expected him to be quite a big tall man, but he looked quite different.  He seemed very genuine and has a lovely soft spoken voice.  I got all excited when I saw it was him and I was saying to my husband, ‘its Gordon, its Gordon’, and that was only seeing him on the tv, goodness knows what I’d be like if I saw him in person!!!  I'm counting the days till we see Colin Fry and I’ll be praying that Mum or Dad or both come through.

Amanda you sound so fit, makes me look like a couch potato!!  The thought of the body pump class scares me.  Mothers Day!!!  I'm fed up with it all.  My husband came home yesterday with 2 cards, one for our anniversary and one for his Mum.  I usually ask to have a look at it before it gets posted, but just didn’t want to know.  I don’t want to look at it and I'm not interested in what other people are doing with their mums.  I know she will phone us on the Sunday and thank us for the card, but I will make a point of not picking the phone up, theres no way I can say the words ‘happy……….  I will make sure I'm outside in the back garden.  I think I might even put some of mums ashes around her climbing plant that’s now all in bud and has a few flowers on it.  It was one of the last things she managed to plant last mothers day.  My brother bought her it and we bought her a bird table.  She did manage to come to the garden centre with us, but kept sitting on all the furniture because she was tired.  Your memories will come back Amanda, I'm sure they will.  I get these ‘blocks’ too, I have to think really hard sometimes of things that happened, but they suddenly come back.  Only the other day I remembered something that happened in the hospice which I’d completely forgotten about, it wasn’t a nice memory, so I guess I just blocked it out, but its taken 8 months to remember it!!!

Hi Karen

How are you today?  I hope you're feeling better, and thanks for yesterday.  Did your table and chairs arrive in the end?  I have to go out soon but will be back later if you're around.  Take care love jayne xxx

                  

Hi Susan and Louise

Thanks for your messages yesterday, its so lovely to know people do really care.  It was such a lovely sunny day yesterday, I actually managed to get out the back garden for an hour and re-pot 3 house plants.  Didn’t attempt to do any of the outside tubs though, too heavy.  We have so many that we brought from our other house and they all want moving or planting in the ground.  I may go out there later and just ‘mess about’.  Take care, speak later, love jayne xxx

 

Hi Sharon

How are you and your Mum?  Sorry I've only just replied to your post.  I hope your back is better and your Mum is feeling not so tired.  I bet you're busy planning her special day for Friday aren’t you?  I hope you have a lovely day together and share some special memories.  Take care Sharon, love jayne xxx

 

Hi Liz

Hows things with you?  Have you had any interest in the house yet?  I hope you're ok.  Take care, love jayne xxx

 

Hi Marie

I hope you're ok.  I have to apologise for what I said about the hat!!  I didn’t mean to offend you, but I saw that you mentioned it on another site, sorry.  Your hair will grow back even nicer than before, it does it good to have a good cut, I wish I was as brave.  For some reason the hairdressers to me is like having major surgery!!  I don’t go as often as I should.  I hope you're feeling a bit brighter today.  Take care, love jayne xxx

 

Hi Jodi