Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
MHM, you have had an awful time, bless you, am holding your hand from here, and sending you all my love and hugs.....hope you can rest easier, knowing Daz is in good hands.....xxx
Dear MHM Try and rest i know your wooried but Daz is in safe hands try and get some sleep thinking of you holding you hand tightly gentle hugs Love and HUgs Chickie sue flat butty mophead madwoman xxxxx
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((massive hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Mhm, sorry I jest to cover the pain, only ways I cope mate, but I so know you and Daz aint no laughing matter, and you get me, love you dearly Kate xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
i know wev'e been texting but i just wanted to let you know again here that i am thinking about you and daz, and sending more love and hugs. hope daz and you get a good night sleep tonight after your very long day, and hope daz feeling much better very soon love ya loads babe chickie karen xxxxxxxx
MHM, I do hope you got some sleep after all that worry, but I bet you didn't, do try to get some rest, you'll be much fitter to look after Daz if you are well as you can be......love and big hugs to you, Daz and the family too....
hey all my beautiful chickies Well here we are another day and daz still pretty bad. I have just come home from seeing him again and could just break down and cry (but i won't) He has had to be on an enebuliser today as his breathing still bad. They have also been giving him blood thining injections every day to keep his blood thin and better able to flow. He can't walk about at all now apart from to the bathroom and then he gets so breathless it takes 20 mins to get his breath back on oxygen. I haven't slept for more than a couple of hrs since friday and just can't face food. Everything seems such an effort. Daz keeps saying he wants to come home tomorrow but to be honest i don't think they are gonna let him while his breathing is how it is. He asked to be discharged last night as he was so down and upset but we managed to get him to stay till at least tomorrow when his onco has seen him. I hate seing him so down and upset it's so unlike him. He cried his eyes out and i said that it's better he stays a few more days and gets a bit better than come home early and end up back in hospital for weeks then. It's horrible leaving him behind but i know he's being well looked after. He has a CT scan and then starts Radio on Tuesday and to be honest i think they may keep him there till that is done. Don't get me wrong i want him home as soon as we can, i miss him and love him so much but i want him a bit better for his sake first really. I'm sorry i wasn't about yesterday it was just such a distressing day i didn't want to post and bring you all down.
Well i hope you are all as well as you can be and that you and your loved ones have had an okish day. Take care my friends Thank you all so very much for your kind caring messages of support they mean a lot to me and give me a warm feeling whenever i read them. It's nice to know you are all there for us both Peace to you all Love and big hugs your MHM xxxxxxxxxxxx
MHM, I just knew you wouldn't sleep, but you should try and rest and have a wee bite to eat, you need to have your strength.....love and hugs to you and all the family.....
