Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
hey all my chickies Hope you are all well and that you and your loved ones are having an okish day? Not been good here today just waiting for the onco to ring me back as Daz not been too good. Will let you know later if we hear anything ok. I hate this disease and feel so bloody angry at the mo so can't write anymore at mo sorry!! Much love and big hugs to you all Love MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dear MHM i am thinking of you wish i could do something useful but all i can do is send you some ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))) i hope you hear from the onco asap holding your hand from afar loads of love and hugs Chickie sue flat butty mophead madwomanxxxx
hi all my lovely chickies Just to say have spoken to onco and he wants Daz to go to see him tomorrow morning at the day suite so he can sort out starting treatment. I think they may be keeping him in to be honest as he really is not right at all. It's been another hard day today. All this watching and waiting is so very hard. I don't think i will be sleeping tonight i'm so very worried and feel so flipping helpless!! It's tough i know that, but why is this all happening again???? Daz has fought such a brave fight and it's so heartbreaking that no matter how hard he fights this barstool of a disease still eats away at him!!!! I wish i could do more. I wish i could take this all away! I wish this never happened!! I wish i wish i wish!!!!!! Oh f..k!!!!! whats the point of this it's all so bloody pointless!!!! Goodbye my friends and sorry! Love and hugs forever MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
You are not helpless hunni, you are doing everything you can for Daz. I can't imagine what it's like for you, but sending you both a lot of love and strength.
hey my chickies Hope you're all ok and that you and your lovd ones have had a good day today. Daz is in hospital it's been a long day today been at the hospital since 10am today and not long got home. Daz is on IV steroids and oxygen. He also had a stent put in his vena cava artery as the tumour was blocking it and was restricting his blood flow from his heart to the rest of his body. He starts Radio on Tues for 7 days so hopefully that should help him a bit more too. He seems a bit better this eve now the stent is in he's not so red faced and can breath a bit easier. I will update how he goes and thank you all for your support and posts. I am gonna go now as quite tired and it's been a long day. Take care all of you will post again tomorrow Love and hugs your MHM xxxxxxxxxx Still thinking of you all and holding your hands from afar xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
and Daz today holding your hand sending lots of love suexxx
