Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
I,m not too bad one minute up, the nxt down, as you do!........... Glad the flat nearly done,sounds like you could do with a rest,nothing like your own bed Whens the house warming?Get the vodka n coke in xx
ye house warming fancy a trip to glasgow do u not far .if you come early you can help paper the hall a week early he he you can have all the vodka u like got to laugh the speed am going .could have moved in and done it a bit at a time but you no we think different now so it was in the back off my mind that if a done it that way and got bad news a might not have had the time or energy to get it fin .ano sounds stuppid but cant help it xxxxx
Hiya, you just woke up? Zoe Wanamaker !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Wanamaker do what?...........
Yup raining here too
Watch the same as you, must have same sense of humour
Dont mind the footy,like watching England play, and i understand the offside rule!!!!! But i have this thing that players should actually come from the area of the team they playin for ie. if they play for Norwich city, they should come from Norwich,otherwise just call them by their name of canaries, the richest teams are always gonna b the top of the league cause they can afford the best players, or is that just a girlie way of looking at it?
My dad been a canaries fan for years, i got some letters he sent to my grandparents, wen he was doing national service in Cyprus,askin them how Norwich getting on xx
No what you mean Paul, we shouldnt put of things waiting for good or bad news, but hey.............. Dont mind painting,but not too good at papering, love parties xx
my young nephew is 15 he spent most of his summer helping me paint plaster strip wallpaper clean moveing sanding just being there big shout out for all the people out there who help us all get by thnk yyyyyyooooouuuxxxxxxxxxxxx
have been seeing someone for three months now when together scars on my back and under my arm very noticeable when getting to no each other .did think about running away from the situation how do you tell somone not to get to close as I have an illness that can take me from you .so I plucked up the courage and said you no those scars I have they were from an op I had for skin cancer and I thought you have a right to no .when elisa asked if everything ok now I had no choice but to say for now I am fine but looked out some of the leaflets I had to do with melanoma and lymphodema .I liked elisa very much and I knew lots of people are scared of the word never mind anything else (cancer) .the fact she has four great kids was another factor .she has been through alot herself with last partner .and I knew that to tell someone this i could have lost them I am glad to say this was not the case but I have never felt so scared to be alone again .and even after showing elisa the leaflets I exsplained the things that could happen and in what way she was very upset but I felt she had a right to no and choose if she could handle it .is there a right and a wrong way to do this when and how .I ONLY MET ELISA as a freind was meeting her freind and asked me to go with him I had no intension of actually going out with some one for a multitude of reasons .how can I exspect her to go through this with the way I am .dont feel right about burdoning someone else with this .been playing on my mind and dont no what to do now .I dont no if I should end it now because I would feel terrible if she had to come see me in hospital and go through the emotional turmoil the carers go through .and of course the kids . WHAT IF ANYTHING CAN I DO ARE YOU OR HAVE YOU BEEN IN THE SAME SITUATION XXXXXXXXXPAUL3MEL
Hi Paul, how ya doing? Ithink you did the right thing, honesty being the best policy,and all that.Let her make the choice if shes happy , you still the same person, None of us no whats round the corner,a friend of mine started a new relationship,and a way down the line he got bowel cancer,she was happy to see him through those times, in fact it was him that shut her out,which upset her greatly,he is ok now but i think it left him scared,a while later he ended the relationship, other issues played a part in that,but they remain friends and she still worries about him, he still asks her to open his hospital letters wen hes been for his checkups! Good luck, if it aint broke, dont fix it! xx
thanks again shezie its so hard some times just to make deccisions an ma head all over the shop with everything else that it clouds my judgement thanks for the demist hugs xxxxx good health to all and you he ehe xxxxpual3mel
